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ok so during all the insanity of coker college the people I've made friends with start to worry about me cuz they notice my fucked up sleeping and eating patterns, basically I wasnt sleeping or eating.... My "narcolepsey" kicked in the summer of 95. I wouldnt sleep until I physically could not stay awake any longer and I'd fall asleep in fucked up spots, not really have any notice except that I;d start to get tunnel vision and I knew that I;d better get somewhere safe before everything went black. I fell asleep in a ditch in a muddy nasty wet rocky cold ditch on the side of the road one horrible night before I left for college. so anyway I still have this problem, sometimes I cant tell when I'm asleep or when I'm dreaming or if I"m just dozing and I'm in that "alert-sleep" stage. my dreams repeat themselves too where I'll have the same dream about 100 times a night and when I wake up I'll remember the dream and think it really happened. I'm usually very confused when I wake up cuz for some reason it takes me about 30 seconds to remember who i am and everything like that, and then I have to go through the agony of remembering WHO I am etc.... so ok this one time at coker I hadnt left my room except to use the bathroom and thats only at night when I can tell no one will hear or see me and so I've got my room booby trapped and I have the bed stacked on each other bunk bed styl eonly they werent made to be bunkbeds so the top bunk in really close to the bottom one only like two feet in between and I have the covers hanging off the top bunk and I sleep in this cave... and then theres this pounding on my door and its my RA and shes worried and my friends said they havent seen me in a week and I need to get my ass up and eat something so okok I'm up I'm up and I throw on some clothes and converse and go to the bathroom and brush my teeth and hair and try to look presentable and get to the cafeteria the next building over and the sign says Tuna Noodle Casserole and I'm like holy shit this is one of my childhood faves, my aunt made it once and I loved it never had it again so I'm so fucking excited that its something n ormal, and something I like cuz its usually fried ochra fried chicken fried beans fried something I dont know and collard greens or grits and everything has butter or is fried and I'm soooo fucking hungry so I ask for a lot and I've got this huge pile of tuna noodle casserole on my plate and I sit down with the gang and I'm at the head of the table and they all look pale, ashen and I'm like what and they say "dont eat the tuna noodle casserole" and I'm like why not and they just repeat themselves, all in unison, dont eat the tuna noodle casserole and theyre freaking me out and I telling them this isnt funny and they shouldnt be fucking with me right now, they should know better and I'm really hungry and there isnt anything they can say to make me not eat the tuna noodle casserole and then they look at me wide-eyed and all their faces start to move, like the skin underneath starts to move around like worms under there and then the skin starts to drop off and its just gray colored worms and then the worms fall onto their plates and then it turns into tuna noodle casserols and I scream bloody murder and run back to my room and hide in my cave until my RA starts banging on my door and I forget why I'm hiding, pretending to sleep and she's yelling at me to eat something that my friends are worried, they havent seen me ina week etc and the same thing happens again, and again, and again and everytime it happens I start to remember more and more till finally she bangs on my door and I shout fucking a I'm awake god damn it and I dont bother to change and I've got on the same jeans as I've had on for a week and only one sock and no bra and a dirty smelly t shirt and my hair is in every direction and greasy as hell and I havent brushed my teeth for a week and I really do look like I just crawled out from under my bed and went to dinner.... and I'm mumbling shit to people, answering them before they even talk to me and I'm like this is where I see theres tuna noodle and mmm its my favorite and I ask for seconds and then I get to the table and they're all looking at me weird again and I'm like "yeah yeah don't eat the tuna noodle casserole ooooh" mocking them and I'm slamming my milk and spilling it all over and I"m fucking pissed off and theyre just looking at me weird and I'm like "what? what the fuck are you looking at?? You're the fucking freaks!!" and I scream "Where'd the worms go? come on show me your little tricks, what the fucks wrong with you??!!" and they're still staring at me and then finally I slam my plate down and it breaks right in half and I'm like "Listen, if your faces fall off one more fucking time I'm going to have to kill you, friend or not I will not tolerate zombies!!" and they're just like wtf Jo.... so I run back to my room and try to figure out whether the zombies are onto me and know I know that theyre zombies or what and they're knocking on my door and I've got my gun and then they go away and finally the RA has called the college nurse and she's come to check on me but I dont let anyone in the room so I go see her and she checks my vitals and I tell her about the dream and tell her about the narcolepsy and she says one more episode like that and it'll have to be diagnosed and then I wont be able to have a drivers license or anything like that so this really freaked me out and I read up on narcolepsy and it didnt sound like I had that cuz it just started happening the summer before and narco's have it their whole lives. anyway this progressed into full blown bipolar disorder and I think this first part was just a prolonged stage of mania.... woohoo

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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