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ok the first time I OD'd and died was like this: we were trying to quit and this was the planned last shot so I said to Lon "Make it a good one, I wanna go out with a bang" talk about famous last words! so right away my head got super hot, my nose and mouth went totally numb which has never happened before and my scalp got super itchy which never happened before either and I thought to say "oh shit" but I guess it was too late. The next thing I remember is being underwater and hearing this loud pounding start and to feel this loud pounding like when you've got the bass way up and you feel it in your throat, through your whole body and I realized that I couldn't breathe and then I thought "well duh, you're not breathing, breathe you dummy" and I inhaled and at the same point I opened my eyes and there's Lon screaming at me but I couldn't hear him for a minute, just the pounding which turned out to be my heart, and I noticed I was on the floor and soaking wet. Lon said I wasn't breathing and I had no pulse/ heartbeat for almost five minutes, he was about to go next door to call 911 (we didnt have a phone) he'd tried slapping and shaking me, "CPR" (he's never taken a class) and finally remembered ice cold water... so he used this huge tupperware "puke" bowl we kept in the bedroom and he filled it with water and dumped it on my head and that's when I came to. I said I'm never doing that shit again and the next day when the sickness started I said "are we callin Dirty"...

the second time I died from an OD I hadnt used in a week. It was the same feeling coming to but I wasn't gone as long cuz Lon knew to get me into the tub right away. How he got me from the bedroom into the tub is the miracle, not my 5th resurrection (I've been clinicly dead five times). This time though, it wasn't a "bang" shot but my tolerance was lower cuz of being detoxed, and I hadn't been addicted or used everyday in a month, plus I'd been drinking but nothing more than I'd drank before while on dope (obviously it was too much...) so this time the shot was too much. after I came back to life I was "awake" long enough to get out of the shower and sit on the toilet and go unconscious. then Lon would wake me up I'd tell him to shut up and pass out again, this happened for about 2 hours, him waking me up me telling him to take the fucking hint and let me die and passing out again. I could tell I was unconscious and not dead, passing out is different than dying, I remember being unconscious, I dont remember being dead. There wasn't a sense of missing time or being gone when I came back to life but when I was unconscious I knew that I had been. Like when you fall asleep, you wake up but you know you were asleep.

I used twice after this and both times weren't any fun. It's like nothing can top being dead... I need to find a new hobby, skydiving without a parachute or something safe like that.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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