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of Nirvana's "punk rock" love-song covers, I like Son of a Gun the best, it's a lot like how me and my fiance are. It's cute, like the lovers in the song are kids at heart, there's an innocence in it. The lyrics are "the sun shines in the bedroom when we play" NOT "...when we fuck" ya know what I mean, it's like the sex between the lovers in the song is just a grown up version of playing matchbox cars out in the driveway. That's what sex is like between me and Lon, cuz we're each other's "firsts and onlys" and we've been together since Feb 96 but everything is still fresh and new and I'm just surprised everyday by little things he does.... so ok enough Nirvana and sappy love crap! Besides, Brad Pitt's classic line from Legends of the Fall keeps popping in my mind. It's the scene where Sam and Tristan are sitting on the "tennis court" sidelines and they're discussing whether he should have sex with his fiance before he leaves for war or if he should wait and do things the proper way. Sam is leaning towards doing things properly/waiting and Brad says "nah, I recommend fucking!" anyway there's no need for the vikes, unfortunatly I'm getting used to detoxing, and this time hardly sucked at all, which isnt good cuz that takes away the most powerful negative in using, that threat of having to stop... and if I don't get that "punishment" when I go on a week long bender like I just did, what's to discourage me from doing it again? oh whatever like I didn't know all the risks when I started.... But now it's like summer and I've got new worries: as if I didnt like being tan before, now "my driving arm" you know, that one that gets wayyy tanner cuz its hangin out the car window all the time... well that arm happens to have the most scars on it and with the tan these thin white lines are standing out all over my arm, and there's no excuse ya know I can either fess up and be like "oh that's where I shot dope so long that the vein turned into scar tissue" and hope they think I'm kidding, or I can say I used to cut myself and the scars are from that, either way is no good when asked this by a prospective employer....

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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