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ok not much time before work but I need to get this outta my head before its lost forever:

My Ego

If you haven't noticed, which is quite possible with all the depression and suicidal shit lately, I have quite a fondness for myself. I mean in a "nobody else is as awesome as I am" kind of way. Some people come close, but I always end up disappointed.

To me, it's a control thing. No one talks to me unless *I* allow it, no one touches me, hell even looks at me.... No one is going to live up to the expectations I have of them in my head, the expectations I make myself live up to. No one is good enough to do things for me, I'll do it myself and either get it perfect or else take the blame for screwing up. And it's not REALLY screwing up, it's a "happy accident" a chance at soemthing else, my own personal mutating DNA recombination method of keeping the gene pool of my life interresting. I don't get haircuts cuz they aren't "qualified" to cut my hair. Only *I* touch my hair. If its fucked up looking, like right now its a perversion of Andy Warhol's moptop, hey that's fine cuz it's by me so it can't be bad. These examples are bordering on irrelivancy but it applies to all facets of my life, no one fucks me the way *I* fuck me... and with my death... I think Morisson thought the same way about his death, that no one was gonna kill him, no one but himself would be responsible for his death. I feel the same way. Nothing but me will ever kill me....

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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