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it's about 2:45am here been drinking whiskey sorta on/off for 3 hours. since mid last week eric has been getting increasingly weirder. I dunno. he's super uptight about being broke and he's been broke pretty much the whole time he's lived in this apt. he signed his divorce papers on the 6th and I said "i hope that doesnt count as my present" and he flipped out sorta. Ive been buggin g him abot getting a cat and he was gonna take me to pick one out for my birthday but then wednesday he ended up having band pracitce. that band (sarah's, she's the 19 year old lesbo) hasnt met in a couple weeks cuz the guitarist's wife had an anuerysm and is pretty fucked up from it. he couldnt really miss practice cuz they havent met in so long. we/I won the pumpkin carving contest on halloween (check my diary for detailes) so we used one of the guft certs for my bday dinner. they have a few different shelters here I was looking into onine the humane society is only open till 4 pm, no ownder they have so many animals. the aspca is open till 7 and we were gonna go tonight (thurs) but I got hung up at americorps thing and then eric checked his bank balance and was negative. I really have no idea where the money goes. food is abotu the same price here, we get prolly a hundred worth ever two weeks, dont really eat out much... he hasnt bought me anything and I dont get cash/allowance or anything liek that. I dnt understan dwhy he doesn thave enough money or feels that he doesnt cuz to me having a hundred to live on for w a week is mor ethan addequate.... so he signed the divorce papers and she gets the house worth almost $200,000 though until june of 2004 he pays her $1,300 a month, plus he pays half of the property taxes or some shit until june 04, PLUS she got $12,000 out of $16,000 from last years tax rebate thingy plus she gets the nice car (Jetta) and prtty much all the furniture tho I told eric we're/I am going over there this weekend and getting half of it... we managed to get a coffee table and thats it.... so he's also gotta pay some lawyer fees or something for the divorce.... so he makes something like $2,000 a pay check, after paying his ex and taxes he brings home $500 a week and rent is $700... car ins, cable, then theres phone elect water sewage he's gotta pay for everything here.... I dont know what other bills he has or why he's got no money or why he freaks out when hes got no money... he's a lot like Bateman, feels better when he's got a pile of crisp $20 in his wallet.... so yeah... technically we didnt do anything for my birthday. I wanted to go to chuck e cheese (its their 25th birthday this year too!) but that never happened. he did get me a cute card tho. and the cake I made myself tasted alright.

things looked good with americorps, I got my app in on time (4:30 last thursday evening, was due by 5 that day) and the guy who Id been talking with on the phone everytime called back friday morning trying to schedule me for an interview so then from monday till today Ive been leaving countless messaged for him and he hasnt called back so today i went ove rthere and I guess he went on vacation or some shit and never forwarded my shit to someone else so anyway they have no full time positions left now and I guess I should gne over there sooner but anyway it fucking sucks. I got a part time job with them but Im working for free... I have to complete 900 hours in a year (20 a week) for half a scholarship so thatd be like $2,400 school is cheaper here, half of what osu was, but its expensive if youre not a resident so Id be able to finish the degree after the acorps thing even working part time though they said if anyone drops out I could get a fulltime spot... hopefully they got a drop out rate like city year (the program is nothing like city year, thank ggod) but I dont get health insurance being part time and I dont get the living allowance stipend thing being part time... and it still doesnt take up enough time during the day. you were right... it's like all I did was switch leashes... not that i ever felt or feel now like Im on a leash or anything, maybe a cage would be better. we do stuff I guess but its all his stuff and all what he wants to do and then when we're there (his practices and gigs) I'm still alone... and its like I just changed roles from me to you where Id drag you aroudn to places you didnt wanna be and then ignore you when we got there or whatever. I say I love you and its as dead and hollow soudning as its ever been ad Im beginning to wonder if there isnt anythign inside me at all if I coudl just cracl myself open and be like one of them choclate easter bunnies sweet on the ouside with nothing in the middle.... not that Im al that sweet i guss I'd be a dark chocolate bunny then huh? so today he was seriously a negative creep and i was trying to cheer him u pi guess and he said stuff like how he shoulda just stuck to fucking whores so he wouldnt have to deal with them afterwards or some shit liek that and I told him to give kris a call... speaking off the dumb bitch left a ticket stub here from a baseball game her and eric went to and there were two stubs then a third that ended up being the receipt for the tix and it had her full visa card number on it and her expiration date and everything. I think she might be buying me tix to see Tool for my bday (they play near here the 15th, we were spozed to see em tomorrw nite in baton rouge, maybe go down to norlins for the weekend as my bday rpesent but eric has to play a show with lesbo #2 tomorrow....) anyway Im not sure if they ID people at will call etc or how that woudl work and even tho i'd be willign to go to jail to see tool, I wouldnt be willing to go to jail in RURAL TEXAS to see tool... aint like I never seen Maynard before ay knwo... like twce I saw em with prefect circle. so do you think I could get away with scorin tix in her name? I'm thinking maybe just buying FUCKED UP SHIT with her card, getting them mailed to her home addy.... liek seriously fucked up shit..... could they track to which comuter a speficic purchaes was made? I figure soe place like ebay would be too secure and could track it but some podunk websit emaybe not. not like this comop is in my name or anything though I guess this would sorta count as a confession.... so yeh anywayy I hope youre doing better than me, god know you deserve it mpre. keep on bobo for that acid... could use the alternte realty.

>hi

>happy birthday...

>sorry about the acid

>hope you had a happy birthday....

>I got you a couple things but i haven't sent then yet...

>been pretty busy lately...

>cya, Lon

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Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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