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fuck you too asshole
07.30.03 6:04 p.m.
I'm in a bad mood today. I guess that's an understatement. Things haven't been ok in my head for a while. Course things like this don't help. Whatever. I am way beyond arguing over superficial bullshit Actually I was in a good mood after I heard the new Perfect Circle song. Very NA-ish. The album is called "13th Step". Which in the program means to help another addict. Recently all the old junkies have been cleaning up, or at least making albums about it. RHCP's latest has a few lines about it but it was the Audioslave one that really was themed in recovery. Now the APC album. I'm glad Chris and Maynard are trying to help out people with their music. There's goddamned enough Heroin Is Cool rock out there.... Even when people sing about how horrible it is, it still manages to sound sexy. These recovery songs don't do that to me. Only problem I have with them, this is just with that new Audioslave song "Show Me How to Live", is the God stuff.... On a side note, the science lesson I got to teach today was on evolution, but one of the students asked "what is big bang mean?" so basically I simplified Hawking's "The Universe in a Nutshell", starting with that I worked up to Darwin's Natural Selection stuff and avoided all arguments and fights. Though I did have a couple students tell me they were concerned about me going to hell. Good to know, I'll start packing.... Yesterday I played hookie to hang out with Erin and Melissa. It was good seein Erin. He had Julie (gf) with him. She got very drunk and silly. I spent the afternoon smoking up with Erin and swimming in Lake Travis. It's more of a very large river, but anyway I swam for most of the day. Didn't get sunburned either, amazing considering how badly, quickly I do burn. Guess the water-proof spf 45 worked. I didn't get back till about 1am. I enjoyed the car trip alone. I usually go to bed around then anyway so it wasn't like I lost any more sleep than usual. Atkins is still going alright though I haven't been losing as quickly as I was earlier on. In fact, I seem to be at a stand-still. I'm hoping it's cuz of my cycle and not that I'm fucking up anything. Though we did fuck up this weekend somewhat. Eric got some diet snapple. I had drank one and a half before realizing that it's got 2 carbs in it, both are sugars, and there's 2 servings per bottle... so I'd had 6 sugars. Then we snacked a lot on the sugar-free (but not carb-free) candies. I need to cut that shit out. I haven't been in ketosis since then and my tummy has been grumbling (hasn't happened since I started Atkins). I'm going to go on the "super-induction" diet on weekends. That's where you eat 1,000 calories, give or take, and you only get to eat 5 things off a list of about 8 things. The list is something like 2 hard boiled eggs 2 deviled eggs 2 egg yolks mixed with 2 tsp mayo 1 oz brie 1/2 oz cream cheese and 1/2 oz caviar 1 oz tuna fish w/ mayo with 1/4 of an avacado 1 oz pate Doesn't it all sound too good to eat? Yeah, something like that. Like Lon said: "There weren't any fat people in Auschwitz." anyway I'm still pissed off and I have enough decency to not bitch about someone who that I know reads my diary and not give them a chance to defend themselves, plus I have a million chores to do (gotta earn my keep n all)... so later.
Always remember to quit while you're ahead.
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About Me
I am a bipolar genius, child abuse & addiction survivor, who is now a single mother who works 70 hours a week and has had gastric-bypass weight loss surgery a year ago. Wish me luck cuz I need it!!!Examples of My Insanity Dead On Mental Health Quiz Tuna Noodle Casserole Story Explaining Myselves Biting Off Redneck's Finger Got So Crazy Scratched Til I Bled How I Found Nirvana Leaving Lon After 7 Years Bad Luck On 3 July 4ths Random Craziness (FBI Please Disregard) How I Ended Up A Junky Almost Getting Raped by a Marine Typical Weekend in Ohio How Cobain Saved My Life
How long could we maintain? I wondered. How long until one of us starts raving and jabbering at this boy? What will he think then? This same lonely desert was the last known home of the Manson family; will he make that grim connection when my attorney starts screaming about bats and huge manta rays coming down on the car? If so, well, we'll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere, 'cause it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outback Nazi law enforcement agency and they'll run us down like dogs. Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?
AFTER WHAT'S MY NAME?!?
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