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Guess I proved him wrong.... What is it about me that makes men want to beat me when I tell them I'm leaving? 2 out of the three "break ups" I've been through have ended in ass-whoopings. Harlan seems to be a pro, making sure not to hit my face or put too many bruises on my arms. Broken rib from his size twelves. Lovely. Crashed the car in the process. Not pressing charges, mainly for political reasons (there should be MORE psychopaths out on the streets). Anyway, good thing I ended that sooner than later, I was contemplating moving in with him even though I didn't love him or anything like that. He and I are too similar, both commanding control freaks and though I've grown a lot in the past two years and can handle letting the man be the man... he was a little too much man in those ways, too sexist or whatever, and really I didn't mind that but if he wants control then he needs to actually take care of the shit he wants control of. I don't talk to him anymore though he leaves messages saying he misses me and he's sorry etc, I think he's kissing ass cuz he knows I have two years to file charges against him. Also all of his friends are making 2am booty calls because of all the bragging about me (and possible movie-showing?) he did. At least work is going well, another promotion is coming soon, along with a raise. They fofered me health insurance but it's $75 per paycheck... I only have $25 extra for groceries and laundry and bus fare as it is... the $150 a month in insurance plus all the copays for dr visits and bloodwork and scripts is too much for me to be able to get back on my medications so the general public is still in danger for the most part. My moods are actually stablizing, which is surprising considering all the drama. Again though, I'm almost out of smoke. Still losing weight, too much, too fast, light headed etc when I stand up or go up stairs. Was supposed to start a softball league tinight but I have to go to court for another continuance on a speeding ticket I cant afford to pay yet. I'll have until July to pay that one, which is the month I get an extra paycheck. I have been on a very tight budget, no frills for me, ramen noodles and water really, which is only part of the reason for the weight loss. I walk a lot now that the car's totalled, plus I was doing sit ups every morning before I broke the rib. I was up to 40 a day. I look so odd, a nice muscular body is showing through, the fat and extra skin looking like a deflating fat suit, like I'm melting. All the trouble will be worth it, if this is what it takes for me to be healthy and reach my potential then I'm glad all this bullshit happened. When I get the tickets paid off and the initial moving bills paid off (phone and electric deposit broken down into 4 payments still was $125 a month) I'll have $250 extra a month. I'll be buying a mountain bike soon, doing more upgrades on the Jagstang. Maybe this will be the summer I get out to California to visit friends. My fave cousin lives there now, she got signed by a record label as a photographer. She lives in a company condo. Once I finish my degree I'll most likely be moving out that way. I don't like making plans though, shit's always happening, too many monkey wrenches in my life.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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