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So the weekend started off really good. It seems I'm overcompensating for my lonliness (I spelled that right, think about it) by making sure I always have something, and unfortunately, someone to do. I'll make back-up plans just in case, etc. But I put a stop to that this weekend. I was trying to make a choice, I mean it REALLY in the long run doesn't matter cuz I don't have feelings for any one of them, and am probably incapable of developing feelings for anyone in general, but I tried to base the decision on what would be best for me and also on who would be more grateful and deserving of me. Yes, I'm completely narcissistic these days but it's about god damn time. Friday I was supposed to see a movie with Carlos, the supposed "good guy", the one from work who's got $$ in the bank and is building a house, or so he says... he talks a lot of shit and you don't know qhat's truth or fiction. Well he never called, and I am not one to call boys, even with all the guys I've gone through in my recent slutty phase, I haven't been the one to do the calling. So Carlos never called, but Ray did. He's the "bad boy", trying to get off of coke and needing an influence like me in his life. Course Harlan said the same things, but this is guy is genuine, and I don't get those "Pat Bateman" vibes off of Ray like I did with Harlan. Ray is actually very sweet, and he means well. He spent the night Friday and we had a good time without any drugs or liquor, just spent the night snuggling and talking. Hanging with him reminds me a lot of the guys I was friends with in high school, cuz to them I was a great listener and fun to be around, only Ray and I have sex, the high school guys never figured on that I suppose. So Ray doesn't want to be around me when drugs are involved, which is what I told him last weekend when we first met and partied wayyyy too hard. So after walking him to the bus stop around noon Saturday, I turned to go back towards the hole in the fence and a pick-up full of guys cuts me off, two of them hop out and one says they'd give me $50 each to eat my pussy. Lovely, heh? They weren't taking "fuck off" for an answer. I could ran for it, but crazy shit happens in Houston all the time, girls kidnapped as sex slaves and shit like that so a group of guys with a truck is sort of a threat to me but really if you've been a sex slave once it prolly wouldn't matter if it happened again. But Ray came to my rescue, hopping off the bus and running up. It was very cute. I acted all tuff like "I coulda handled it" he was all seein through that shit "just shut up and let me walk you home" and this was noon on a saturday, imagaine if it were dark out. Saturday night Carlos called and said he was coming over, he had a few xanbars and "at least 10 rails each" and that he'd be over in 45 minutes, he never showed but I wasn't that concerned with calling and seeing why not. And then Daniel calls, oh doctor was he drunk and horny, very unlike himself, but the conversation got kinda hot, which was very weird cuz it's Daniel. I'm sorry Janet, but I told you he was mine lol. He asked why I dont come out there now and I said that he isnt getting the half-assed me, if we're gonna meet then I'm gonna be as close to perfect as possible. So we talked for about 4 hours, he called at like 3AM my time, I was on the phone until morning. He wants me to come out there, but was very sad, which is surprising for Daniel cuz he rarely talks feelings. He said that he's always liked me "in that way" (voice trailing off) and then he said that things would be really great for like three or four months but then I'd go away like all the rest. I asked what he meant by "go away" and he said "well they do, don't they... they always go away..." very sad. I couldn't disagree, cuz in fact they do always go away... though I'm the one that does the going away, even though I'm more or less FORCED away... I explained this to him and he said he's the type that does the forcing. I reminded him that he didn't believe in destiny or fate or anything like that, quoted him some Voltaire and told to take a couple more shots. He did and said "We always know what's best for each other." I agreed, cuz Daniel's advice has never been wrong for me. Then he said "What if we're wrong about this?" Pretty fucking heavy conversation. I told him he should drink more vodka so he'd pass out and forget all about what we'd said. I personally thought I was dreaming the whole thing up and didn't call him Sunday afternoon to verify if I'd spoken with him or not, either answer he couldv'e given me would have been the wrong one. Today at work everyone is digging my haircut and Carlos is acting like nothing happened, which I guess is true. Oh my brother got arrested for serving alcohol to minors and endangering minors and some other shit, more on that later.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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