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We have a new understanding. I think it'll work. More space, but more trust also. It'll be good.

I went over to "get my guitar" said that I'd wanted to play it this weekend and it was at his place, also dont like it over there when he's not there. It's fine when he's there cuz he plays it, and I'm just happy SOMEONE plays it, ya know, but I dont want it nicked and pawned. Anyway he was munching on a sandwich at the kitchen table and his eyes lit up when he saw me at the door. I wasnt even sure if he'd be there or be awake or be mad at me just showing up. I tried to call Johnny's cell but he was half asleep and hung up on me. Today I got a shower, took some good webcam pics of me in the morning light, visited gramma for a bit, tried that call to Johnny, went tanning again ON MY OWN, then stopped over at Geoff's. We got cigs and went to the Moose to pick up my mom. We talked for a bit, I introduced him to Susie, my mom's best friend from high school, they got a me n Janet thing goin, and whenever I hang with her it's like her and I are best friends too,. I fucked up once and asked her if she had a daughter, not knowing that she had HAD a daughter who died as an infant. Susie smiled very big today when I introed her to geoff and she said "Joey, NICE!" and gave me a thumbs up, which Geoff totally saw. This poor guy gets put through too much with me and my family being embarassing, not having personal limits or whatever. So we hung otu at the Moose then my mom brought us over tot he house. Geoff gets to see his son finally so he walked down to the meeting spot for that, then there's an AA meeting right near there that he wanted to go to, and I offered to go with him but told him I'd understand if he didn't want me there, cuz it's weird enough goin back plus it's not "anonymous" if you have people there who know you personally. it would be like him reading this diary. My handwritten diary that he read was fine cuz I take guard of what I write in my own hand. This internet stuff, people who read this aren't "real" just IP addresses, ya know? That's why this thing is passworded. Anyway, he said that I hit it on the nose how he was feeling about going to the meeting alone. I told him I also feel like a douche at AA meetings anyway cuz alcohol isnt my problem. He said he wanted to walk and I said "yeah, it'll be a nice time to clear your mind before seeing your boy (not gonna put his kid's name here)" and he said "exactly". So that's what he's doin now, and I'm gonna mow the back yard soon.

Today was good. The first night was rough, as is any night alone. Last night was good, hung with Gary actually. He really surprised me last night. He's always been tough guy asshole, this was the first time I've hung out with my cuz alone. He's going through similar shit with the girl he's with, so we had a nice bitch session. He'd been sitting around all day by himself, no food, no cigarettes, feeling sorry for himself. Last night my mom gave me the van with a full tank and twenty buck which I WAS going to go to Eastview and get that NOFX cd I like the best and then I had this idea to call gary and he's all "Oh thank God Jo, you need to come get me out of here..." "I'm five minutes away." "Hurry!" Got him cigs and food, no NOFX for me, but that's aight, it went to something good. Wonderful convo with Gary. I had no idea how nice of a guy he is and how much he's grown up. We cruised for a while, coffee at Denny's, more talk, more cruisin. Went back to his apt and Keith was home. He reminded me too much of Geoff, skinny guys sitting around half naked scratching their abs, damn, ya know? Then his girl Tabitha came home, very cute. They went to bed, Rich came home with Aaron, who looked familiar, I knew Rich and Keith from the last time I lived up here, friends of my brother and Gary. They offered me weed and beer. Seems once you stop smoking, drinking and eating there seems to be ten times as much shit offered to you. I got home about 4:45 and staggered to bed. I was exhausted.

Geoff packed like a week's worth of clothes to come over and work. He's worried that my mom isn't going to pay him enough. She only gave him $40, but she knew he was going to a music festival and had better things to do with his money. I haven't told him that, just that she hasnt had a chance to look at what he's done. She's takign some days off of work this week to help us out. We keep hitting road blocks with her being at work and us needing paint brushes, door knobs, lumber, etc etc etc.

So anyway, things are good. I'm too intense, I need to not be so... much... I overwhelm him a lot. Goes with the talking abotu him to others, he doesn't like me using his name in my diary then I explained the passwording and what not. He's afraid my diary will get published one day. Shit, I ain't changing any names in this mother fucker. It ain't slander/libel if it's TRUE! I'll stop making him public, like he had a problem with me telling his roomies to not buy/give him any beer. Feels uncomfortable when I ask him to show off his mohawk, or his sexy belly (to Melissa, who really wanted to see his sexy belly). Gotta remember not all people think like me in that there are no possessions and no boundries and no personal spaces... that everything and everyone belongs to everybody. I hope his seeing his boy goes well, sure it will, same goes for the AA meeting. I gotta get going, need to print out the rules of induction (no not a B.E. Ellis novel) for Atkins. Geoff has been harping me "I thought you said no carbonation" when I got a diet damn coke at the moose. He needs to read the real rules, not my half assed remembered in my own words version of the rules.

OH, I look very nice today. Olive green titty mamma shirt with skirt that has creme background and darker yellow and magenta roses and olive green stems and leaves, mom's sandals, hair in headband with two long strands of bangs framing face, SLIGHT lipstick on. Geoff says "This is the most girly I've seen you look!" I say, "Should I take that as a compliment?" He says, "Definitely!"

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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