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My last night having to bake... now dont get me wrong, someone named "phatgrrl" must like cooking... but not on demand, not with someone going "Faster! Git er done! Diddy mow!" etc. I also tend to be a perfectionist when it's something I'm presenting. It's like my art, it doesn't go public until it's ready. My donuts look like crap and she's all "just toss em in the basket and do the next one" even though the frosting's still wet and fucking up all the rest... and I got scaulding hot chocolate dip on my fingers and she's telling me I dont need to wash em in order to fill the ones with white powder on em... anyway it's over. Until Laura quits again or someone calls in sick.

Check this shit out, I work all those days right, and now check out my schedule:
Saturday-OFF
Sunday-OFF
Monday-OFF
Tuesday-Work
Wednesday-OFF
Thursday-OFF
Friday-work
Now how fucked up is that, I go from having near 40 hours to having 15. Fucken douchebags.

So Brad knew I had to work midnight till whenever and he calls around 10:30 to see if I wanted a ride (I put $15 in his tank for letting me borrow his car to get that quat from Tha Man) and he asked if I wanted him to come over early. I told him my alarm was set for 11:10 and that I'd like to sleep for as much of that as I could, he said no prob and asked if the door was open, so I said I'd unlock it. Very odd. Didnt smoke any before work and I asked if he wanted to buy most of the rest of my bag from me for $25. he gave me $10 and said he'd get me the $15 Sunday if he makes it in tips. I'm not too stressed, yeah I'm poor and giving away shit all the time isnt any way to amass any kind of possessions or wealth but whatever, 90% of the time I feel that it's just stuff and of no real worth. I woulda smoked the bag with all of em for free so I made $10. And maybe I'll see the other $15, but I never count on shit like that. Right now Erin owes me a blunt's worth and Tabs owes me a nice sized nug. I maybe shouldnt have sold it all to Brad seein I have so many days off. Whatever though, paycheck's already gone, gave momzilla a hunnerd, $15 in the tank, $20 in groceries (I drank a gallon of Dole orange-peach-mango juice yesterday, must have been low in the vit c or something), cigarettes for Gary, bag of smoke for me and I got $25 left, including the ten Brad tossed me. Momzilla will be glad I have off so many days and will put me to work cleaning the house and will hopefully leave me some money before she takes off for Singapore in a week. Cleaning doesnt seem like so much work around here seeing I take out about 20 bags of really heavy trash a night and get garbage can juice all over me and what not on a daily basis. Good thing I like dirt. The day she made me clean out the post-flood crawlspace cuz I was spozed to have the van back by 7 am and wasnt home till 2pm cuz I'd met Geoff that night... anyway, that was a pretty kick ass day, covered in cobwebs and wet basement funk, pulling dead mice out of spider webs with a sic smile on my face. Good times.

Hung with Dan for an hour yesterday, discussed guitars and as usual I make it sound like I know what Im talking about. He's a Gibson man, still hasnt shown them to me though. Turns out he's the brother of Erin's bestfriend Andy, and I shoulda known that cuz they look like exactly alike except Dan has that just crawled out of the woods beard and Andy is clean-shaven. I havent seen Andy in a minute but I remember him being pretty cool. How this all happened, me finding out he knows "my family" is that I was talking about what guitars I have and how my sorta step dad asked if I wanted to buy his mustang and I was describing the equipment and then Gary said "he's played around at local festivals under the bandname, RVB" and I'm all "RVB? Oh Rick Vanfleet Band?" and Dan was like "I'm close friends with his son..." "Dude that's my brother..." "Erin's best friends with my brother" "Who's that?" Gary says, "Andy you douche, couldn't you tell?" "ANDY, hell yeah I know him... where the fuck has he been?" fucken stoners I swear cant remember shit. So he and I are gonna jam whenever I get a case for my Jagstang, cuz I'm not gonna let him know I'm a loser with a crappy guitar AND no case. He seemed just as interested in the Terminator as the Jagstang. He wants to jam a lot. He says he knows some killer bassists and drummer, now we'd just need a singer... and Gary's all "Ummm.. that's her REAL instrument..." and Dan says "sing something then" and I sang the chorus of that Evanescence song My Immortal. He says "ok then, we got a singer." "Good cuz I play guitar for shit." "No offence, but most girls do." "Not for long"

I've been on a Soundgarden kick, especially "Rusty Cage" and "Day I Tried to Live" and "Burden in My Hand".

My fingertips are half frozen and I can't remember what I was gonna say from here, oh yeah, the cold, Im gonna be in a fucken mess of hurt this winter. It's already cold. I'm in the freezer for 10-15 minutes at a time when working bake and it's FUCKING COLD IN THERE!! Especially when I'm half soaking wet from just doing the dishes. Not just cold, brrr-cold.

Lots of 9-11 shit going on today, the churches in town, we got three all on the same corners and theyre all ringing bells 3 thousand and something times... I figure that'll be starting soon. I was thinking of wearing black today out of respect but maybe thatd be tacky seeing I didnt know anyone who died and I myself didnt have to run away from toxic dust clouds and human mist, all the way to Brooklyn. I mourn for what I went through that week though. Well Tuesday sucked, of course, my brother busting in the door to announce that the Ay-rabs have nuked NYC, Lon mid-plunge and me in the middle of cooking. I had JUST woke up, usually the lack of dope wakes you up, like an internal clock, and if not that then the sizzling sound of Lon cooking would wake me and SOMETIMES I'd be out cold until he started flick flick flicking the air bubbles out, and THAT was like an alarm and the first words outta my mouth weren't "G'morning I love you" but "Where's mine, you better have fucken saved me some." and the rest of the week we were REALLY high and then we tried to kick that weekend, the first time we ever tried to stop and first realized how fucked we were, that it's not so easy to stop, god that first time of feeling the sickness after ten months fo everyday use.... And this is making me really sad (but what else is new) so I should go spend some time at chordfinder.com (run rabbit run) and then practice some guitar... if I only would put as much energy and time into the future as I do the past.

What else can I ramble about though, ok the ctas. As if I havent lost enough kitties, I might not be able to keep Nubs and Twoface. Im'a do my damnedest though.

My feet need some serious love. I think I'll con her into a momzilla & demondaughter bonding pedicure. Those little asian girls with cute little asian feet would run screaming from me though. "where are these two toe nails?" "they fell off" "What happened here?" "Thats a blister on top of a half-healed blister" "and why is this whole part purple?" "That's where the blood was." They need SERIOUS love, like what I used to do for Big Hardy or Geoff btu somehow cant seem to do for myself, excuse being that it's awkward positioning to give oneself a pedicure.

I was getting some socks on (me, socks? told ya it was cold) and my bowl was in there, Brad hid it (as if) and I thought that it was thoughtful cuz he doesnt know it's all cool here, that there are usually smoking utensils sitting on, under and inside every piece of furniture in the house, and while thinking that I noticed he left it fully packed... yup, he wants me. Yay, I'm finally smiling. K... bells are ringing and I need to turn up the amp extra loud to drown out the thoughts... one clang for one life, clang clang clang clang... will it last for hours? Seriously this is fucked up. clang clang clang clang clang cla

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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