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I'm using the internet at the library and they stuck me in the kiddie/teen area and I think there's some kind of net nanny on the machine cuz it's not opening any pics or letting me view swear words in my email, it wont go to my diary either, all I get is a black screen, so if this entry is missing words just insert your favorite swear word in the blank, it'll be just like mad libs.

Lots of has happened recently. I THOUGHT Greg broke up with her, and he did, sort of but she's quite persistant, and it's quite cold out, and she has a truck, and works the same shift as he does so of course he'd still want a ride to the same bar they both hang out at, and it's only natural they still hang out there together, and it's only natural that she gives him a ride home after that.... So yeah... I'm shafted again, but only sort of, cuz he walks over to my house after all of that, and walks to work from there in the afternoon, and nights when I work or when he's too drunk to walk etc, on the nights we dont spend together, we talk till one of us falls asleep on the phone. I'm holding back a lot, like I said before (probably it was in my pen and paper diary), I'm at 25% with him until something happens. I don't mind the situation all that much, yes I mind being "second best" although I understand. If I had some guy paying for my , driving me places, letting me use their car... and the downside was that I wasnt all that attracted to them and they were sucky in bed... and then I had some guy on the side that's pretty cute, and I like that guy a lot, but they couldnt do what the other guy did... I'd have to stay with the first guy until I got my together enough to move on out. I was in this situation... and I try to give non-biased advice to Greg about it. How long he wants to be controlled and when will he stop being such a , I dont know. Hopefully soon. He doesn't feed me lines, he's still straight up. "I'm in a bad spot right now, I can't dump her just yet, we got 3rd row floor for a live taping of Monday Night WWE..." and if someone I was dating had 3rd row floor seats to some concert I wanted to go to, I'd hold off on dumping them too. Especially if I was in a place where I could ask the next person "I can't break up with them right now, you don't have to wait around for me, although I'd appreciate it." So it makes sense. I don't feel used, I dont buy him , I dont drive him places, I'm not doing anything for him. OK, is a big thing, but that's symbiotic. And so is the listening ear, and that's something free of charge to anybody.

We talked from 5 till 8:30 this morning. I told him that I'm not going to be doing all that that Nicole does for him, and he needs to figure out what he wants more. At the same time he said he wanted to learn how to not be so god damned lazy and to do for himself I said "give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach a man to fish and you feed him for life" it was pretty cool "Say that again, Jo..." "Where do you come up with these quotes.... So you can teach me how to fish?" "You have no idea where I was one-two-three years ago... it's not hard at all if you take baby steps, short term goals... once you get the first one under your belt then the rest are cake." and then after a pause I told him that I'm cool with how he is now, but it doesnt seem that he's cool with himself, and that I dont expect him to change for me or any gay like that, but if he wants to better his own situation I would be there to give some pointers and a demonstration or two... teach him how to fish. I also told him he needs to be a little more sober before we talk about this and also that it's not the right time to start, there's no good jump off point, he has more important things to concentrate on. Right now he'd be setting himself up to fail. He wants to cut back on drinking and partying, he wants to move out, he wants to maybe get his license again, he wants to buy a truck... and he cant do those things with her. She puts a 12 pack on his porch every night, she has never said to him "alright you've ran up over a hundred dollar tab, that's enough, let me take you home" she keeps him just as dependant on her and she is on him. Reminds me of me and Lon. I dont think it's understood, like I didnt realize that's how Lon and I were either.

He makes enough money to get an apartment, but he's got a felony (DWI) on his record, so he has trouble renting from places. He said "tell me about that farmhouse out on east lake rd you mention at camper parties..." and I told him about it "you think they'll charge us double if we stay in one room, or maybe we can offer them $400-450, something like that?" and that would be amazing, he even liked the going to sleep listening to bullfrogs thing. And it's kind of an understanding that if I get the car and cable and land line phone in my name that he'll get the apartment, be responsible for living arrangements. If things go sour we can move into separate rooms. I dont see things going sour for a long time though.

It snowed on my birthday and a few inches the day after. It was one of the best presents ever. Now though, now it's too damn cold and hazardous to be riding my bike all over the damn place. I have a hundred in my account now, my paycheck was a whopping $119, but I'm going to hit mom up for help with a car. Theyre complaining that there arent enough people to work at the mall for the christmas season, and I need a part time job "mom, how bout you lend me $500 for a beater, help me get it ont he road so I can get a second job and move the out" cuz I COULD move out, I could afford living int he farmhouse, even only making $600 a month... but when I'm at the house now, all the parties going on, having to eat out every meal... Im complacent and I'm wasting my money. Anyway, we'll see how that goes.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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