Defining Moments of My Life
maybe just happy

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maybe just happy
04.11.05 8:09 a.m.

Things are better. Maybe it's because I'm working so much that I dont have time to be depressed, or maybe things are actually getting better....

Greg hasnt been drinking himself retarded recently because he had to pay rent with the last paycheck and was missing a day out of it to begin with. I'm looking forward to his losing his job mid-June, cuz he'll be even more broke and not able to drink so much. Dont get me wrong, he's drank every day, but not too much. With me working full-time again (I got 47.5 hours last week) I hardly see him, so when we do see each other he makes an effort. Still no nookie though. I can't be 100% sure he hasn't or isn't cheating but the bartenders say he leaves alone, doesn't talk to women and when I'm not around he talks about me a lot and how excited he is to have a baby.

I'm 4 1/2 mos now and depending on what shirt Im wearing, people are beginning to be able to see. I feel Cassidy flip flop sometimes. I think it can hear already cuz sudden noises make it move, like it was woken up from sleeping. Im doing well with my weight, noticing that as my belly, boobs and butt get bigger, my legs, arms and everywhere else are slimming down, like it's all shifting to the middle. Except for the pain of working so often, I have more energy. I thought about getting my bike from my mom's friend and going on short rides.

My food stamps finally got approved. They back-paid for three months but Ive been so busy that I havent gotten to the store but once. I can finally start eating healthier and saving the cash I was spending on food to use for things like gas and car repairs.

Things are all fucked up at work. I dont expect to be there much longer. I cant do the things I used to do, and what I still am able to do I don't do as well. There's lots of internal conflict between the staff, it's getting ridiculous. Also, I got two notices of jobs from me taking that civil service typing test already. One was for Victor schools and the other was for Phelps-Clifton schools. The notices just ask if I'd be interested in interviewing for the position, didnt say what the position was (seeing the test was typing and office specialist stuff, that's what Im assuming all the jobs will be). They list the hours per week and wages though, also if it's permanent or temp etc. Victor sounded better cuz it listed $10.75-$11.90 an hour, 40 hours a week, and also it's closer. Phelps listed $21,350 salary, no hours listed and is much more gas being further away and a crappy drive through the hills to get to. I figure that seeing they listed a salary and no hours that means it'd be a set wage per week no matter how many hours one works, and usually that means you're working 50 hour weeks or whatever. I'm going to talk to my buddy Joe who works in Workforce Development to see what I should tell them during the interview abotu my pregnancy, if anything at all, and when the right time would be for me to tell them. I can tell the baby is further along than I once thought, and they project a big baby at that, so hopefully I go early and can start back to work sooner. The school year starts the Wednesday after Labor Day around here, if I go in August then I wont miss too much work.

My mom gets some cash from her refinancing the house either today or tomorrow. Im hoping she'll lend me enough to get the car totally fixed (ball joints, new front tires, alignment, rear brakes and a tune-up). She gave Rick until May first to be out of the house. Im pretty sure Greg will be moving in then. He was here Sunday morning when I got home from work, it was very nice crawling into bed with him already there. I've abotu had it with Rick smelling the house up like nasty fish and the bathroom being disgusting and the dishes never being done. I do enough of that shit at work, i dont need to come home and do it, when I can barely stand up anymore as it is. Soon though...

So yeah, I guess things are better. They still have a ways to go though.


Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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About Me
I am a bipolar genius, child abuse & addiction survivor, who is now a single mother who works 70 hours a week and has had gastric-bypass weight loss surgery a year ago. Wish me luck cuz I need it!!!

Examples of My Insanity
Dead On Mental Health Quiz
Tuna Noodle Casserole Story
Explaining Myselves
Biting Off Redneck's Finger
Got So Crazy Scratched Til I Bled
How I Found Nirvana
Leaving Lon After 7 Years
Bad Luck On 3 July 4ths
Random Craziness (FBI Please Disregard)
How I Ended Up A Junky
Almost Getting Raped by a Marine
Typical Weekend in Ohio
How Cobain Saved My Life


How long could we maintain? I wondered. How long until one of us starts raving and jabbering at this boy? What will he think then? This same lonely desert was the last known home of the Manson family; will he make that grim connection when my attorney starts screaming about bats and huge manta rays coming down on the car? If so, well, we'll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere, 'cause it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outback Nazi law enforcement agency and they'll run us down like dogs. Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


AFTER


WHAT'S MY NAME?!?