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Skootchie's still chewing on her changing table so Ive been putting toys or bibs to block that spot. This morning I didnt have anything there so I had to play the "try to put diaper on a squirming baby at 6:30 in the morning" game and I told her NO to the chewing, so she leaned back and furrowed her brow so I put my hand over the spot and I said No Chewing again, well she looks up, makes eye contact with me, leans in and starts chewing my hand! What a little bitch! I was laughing too hard to tell her no again, and I think this is how it's gonna be for the rest of her life. She's too much like me. I remember being very little, small enough to be in the front seat of a shopping cart, and I pulled down the WHOLE RACK of candy and whatnots in the check-out line. I was only goin for one thing and the rack falling prolly had nothing to do with me but the lazy 16 year old who put the display together in the first place... but my mom spanked me HARD in the parking lot for it. I mustve been 2-3 years old, all I knew was that something was shiney and yummy and I wanted it, I wasnt an economics or physics expert. If Cassidy ever does shit like that Im not apologizing to anyone, those racks are set up so kids will get their parents to buy em... and I'm sure as hell not spanking my kid when she was set up to do that (Im not spanking her ever, at all, and if she gets a spanking from anybody EVER, that person will get a spanking from me!) Anyway this event showed me I need to start researching discipline books/techniques.

I havent been able to write a long, good entry in a while. I get started and interrupted. I've been wanting to write, I do whole entries in my head sometimes but they never make it here. I could put them on paper but theyd still not make it here most of the time.

Spent a lot of time with Greg recently. He misses us a lot. I told him that if he had a job by the time I get an apartment that he can move in with us for a trial period. I figure I have 6 months to go on the waiting list for the apts in Farmington. I dont think I can live with my mom for that much longer but without being able to work I dont see much else I can do. I know there's shit I could be doing to get back to work... so I shouldnt be bitching. Anyway Sunday Greg called and asked if I was at karaoke. I was on my way there so he said to stop into the Pick for a drink with him. Ended up hanging there all night. Helped that twin #1 was smoking a cigarette outside the bar when I pulled up and that I was the only girl in the place and all but one of the guys was hot. I feel that if I got fucked really good that I wont think about Greg anymore, which is how it's always been for me after a break-up, and I also think it's the reason that I never go back with any of them, which, even in the case of Lon, I think is good (though I would still give a relationship with Lon another try, as unlikely as that is from happening). Anyway Sunday after the jack n coke Greg bought me, I drank some beers out of his pitchers and also had a beer from every guy's pitcher that night. It was like 5 different kinds of beer too. Very strange of me, cuz I dont drink beer often (I can get used to the taste, it just doesnt get me drunk, prolly in the same way I dont feel vicodin anymore). Monday night Greg called about 11:30 asking if I was out, I told him that I only go out once a week for sure and that's when he has Cassidy, and then maybe can sneak out another night... so he says "well sneak out tonight, they keep throwing me out of bars and I dont wanna go back to my sisters yet". So I pick him up, we had court the next morning so I had an idea he'd be crashing here. I also had a bunch of errands I had to do before court and had been thinking about going out to buy formula and get gas in the car that night so I wouldnt be late for court. I got gas, then him and told him I had to do the responsible stuff first, stopping for baby food. He wanted to come over and smoke, I knew he'd pass out. I had no idea how pissed off my mom would be though. She fucken FLIPPED, she was Super-Mega-Godzilla.

Cass is fussing, must be done with her breakfast... gotta cut to the short version

Had a dream Cass woke me out of it this AM. Me, Botch, Beck and David Harper all making out. Actually it was like Dave and Beck making out, then Dave and Botch making out, then Beck and Botch making out, and it was my turn to make out with Botch and as soon as our mouths are about to touch my eyes shoot open and I sit upright cuz no matter what the sound is that she makes, ANY sound that comes from Skootchie's room wakes me up. It's a "skill" I learned while taking care of the severely autistic boy while I was also trying to take care of a severely autistic heroin problem... it didnt matter that I was lounging in the land of smack n honey, any sqeak out of him and I was on it. I even noticed periods of time with no sqeaks, which means he's found something to occupy his time, usually something he's not supposed to be doing. If your kids are quiet, they're not doing something productive or playing nice, they prolly just found your porno stash.... Anyway back to the dream, waiting for Botch. Yeah I shoulda gone down that waterslide when I had the chance. I wish I was more assertive back in high school. Back then I still cared about reactions and consequences, stupid me.

Ive got a lot to do today so Im gonna go getter done.

Here's a joke I heard Sunday night hanging out with the guys in the Pick: A young woman walks into a bar. The bartender is an older, kinda creepy looking guy. He says to her "Miss, can I smell your pussy?" and of course she gets all upset and tells him no, so he says "Oh, then it must be your feet, whatever it is sure does stink!"

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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