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Yesterday I was riding around with Greg (I'll get to that) and my palm started itching really badly. I made a joke about coming into money cuz just recently, I dont rmember who said it, someone told me that itchy palms means that you're getting money. We joked, Greg said I should play the lotto (it was MAD itchy) and I said somethign like "I hope my gramma didnt just die." So then not even 30 seconds later gramma calls me, greg says "Well she's not dead!" Gram told me she got into a car accident sunday afternoon. She was riding with my aunt shirley when someone ran a red light and nailed them. Gram's got bruises & cuts from the seatbelt, plus she rammed her knees into the dash. She wants me to help her out with a lawyer. If Pig Fucker can get 10 grand for being rear ended at a red light, my gramma's bout to get PAID. She's still paying on her last set of teeth and is always lending my mom money so she deserves this. I also want to help her out cuz of when I didnt sue that kid who was drunk, ran a light and fucked me and Lon's mom's car up. He didnt have insurance and I think that was the deciding factor in not sueing, he was a college drop out and a bartender, what the fuck am I gonna get out of him? I shoulda sued though, he woulda been forced to take out a loan or something to pay me, I coulda sold the settlement to one of those get cash for lawsuits places where I woulda only ended up with half the cash but they woulda been responsible for getting the money from him. Anyway, tt took a while for Gary to get his 10K from being rear ended so I hope that the lawyers and insurance companies dont drag it out hoping she dies first. They'll see 80 years old on the paperwork and take their time.... That bastard's lucky gram wasnt seriously hurt. I dont even know what I'd do if Gram died any time soon. Anyway, Im going over when Skootch wakes up from her nap, talk lawyers and take her grocery shopping.

Sunday night some Mexican offered me $300, then $500 to fuck him. I bet I coulda got more form him, I dont know why but he had AT LEAST five thousand in hundreds in an envelope in his pocket. I tried to get Greg and Trell to help me rob him though I could and probably would have done it myself if no one were around. What's he gonna do, call the police... dude's here illegally and doesnt speak english. Also the guy was having trouble taking "no" (and "NO!" and "GET THE FUCK OFFA ME") for an answer. He was basically humping my leg at one point. "No soy puta.." "Si, por mucho dollares, quantos costos... dia el cost?" His "spanish" wasn't much better than mine! He was drunk and on bike. I took Greg home and we talked for an hour else I woulda gone back and rolled that bitch.

Yesterday, a few minutes after posting the entry Greg called and asked what I was doing. He sounded happy to talk to me and it perked me up. Greg wants to get back together. Hold on, dont flip out cussing me out yet, I know it's really cuz his sister is pressuring him to move out and he's behind on his rental space and needs a way to get around... and he knows I got money coming in soon and also the support hearing is in two weeks. I dont think he wants to get back together cuz he misses me. He probably misses Cassidy but obviously not enough to call me and ask to have her over more often.... I'm very lonely and fear I'll fall for the sweet talk but really, I know he doesn't give a shit about me. I was very surprised when we were talking Sunday night cuz he admitted that he's fucked Nicole since we broke up. And that was within 2 weeks of leaving. I asked how many times and was it like they were getting back together or what and he changed the subject. Im mad, though it's kinda hypocritical for me to be mad seein I went on the prowl right away (gonna break my fist on the computer monitor if I dont chill). I doubt he fucked her out of a need to erase me out of his head though, and that's why I went out prowling. There's some jealousy there cuz (gonna misquote Sublime here) if it wasnt for that "daterape" then I wouldntve gotten laid... so yeah, he shaved his head and fucked his ex. Mostly Im upset cuz of the insult to my self-esteem. His ex is chubby, my size before getting pregnant, and she's bald (that mental illness where you pluck out your hair and eyelashes and eat them, seriously it's a real thing) so he didnt fuck me but once in the last year and yet right away he fucks a fat bald bitch.... Why do I let losers upset me...?

Its not only this recent contact with Greg that's got me down (though I did recognize that I was AT LEAST stable before hanging out with him nearly every day last week and now Im a fucking train wreck)... I'm still going to fill out the application for those low income apartments but I know I'll be rejected cuz of bad credit. They said "Applications may be rejected for the following reasons: bankruptcy in the last three years, ONE outstanding debt of three months or longer, any drug, gang or theft conviction, any previous eviction or skipping out of a lease or a generally poor credit score." The only reason I havent filed bankruptcy is because I cant AFFORD to... and I'm good about evading arrest so Ive got that going for me, but there's no chance in hell theyre taking me. This is low-income housing... shouldnt bad credit be ok. The bankruptcy thing really pissed me off, that's supposed to be a fresh start... also once you do a bankruptcy you dont have any bills, HELLO...! So anyway Im not going to have anywhere to live pretty soon. Theyre starting foreclosure crap on my mom's place. With my next tuition check Ill have enough to get an apt but I wont get any more checks till september. I dont think $2,666 will last 4 months.... I need to get my fucken head on straight, quit my fucking blubbering and get a game plan. If I can get it to work on paper then I can get it to work in real life.

OH Ive got 2 days going well following the diet plan, mostly from being too depressed to eat BUT Im going to stock up on slim fast type shakes when I take gram shopping. Ive never tried them but Im gonna have to get used to them for after the surgery and also I think that, like with Atkins, if there are definite YOU CANNOT EAT THAT rules than I'll be ok, like if I only eat slim fast and then 1 meal... I just gotta worry about controling one meal... this is fucken sad. anyway, later bitches.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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