**REGISTER TO VOTE ONLINE!** **SIGN DARFUR ACTION PETITION HERE!!**

---

I'm at aunt sharon's again. Things are still "roller coastering" (or maybe a better word would be "roller coasting"). I got the cabin in Middlesex. $600 a month, everything included, also including satelite tv w/dvr and dsl. Greg is back. I don't wanna hear any bitching, save it for when he ditches us again. Though I think we'll be fine this time. Things have been going really well. I figure all will be well until he loses his job. He's putting up pools and decks etc so that wont last much past August, if that. If someone's gonna buy a pool, theyre gonna do it in the beginning of summer.... Anyway, there are two big ponds on the property, one is really big, probably 10 acres or more. Greg fishes almost every day. Within an hour he caught five fish over ten inches and one over a foot. I say they were small mouth bass, he says they were large mouth. One was a sunfish. There are boats we can use, a rowboat and a canoe. No motors allowed on the ponds. The place has a fucken HUGE wrap around deck that's gated, it's like one giant playpen for Cass. I just plop sunscreen on her, toss her in her walker and she toots around most of the day out there. The landlord lives sort of with us. The original house was a two story cabin. About ten years ago she built an addition and garage and split the original cabin into an upstairs apt for her daughter and kept the lower half as part of her living quarters. My kitchen is large because it was the original one, but my living room is the size of an average dining area because that's what it used to be. Our bathroom is big cuz it used to be the original master bath. The bedrooms are good sized also. The landlord is a dog breeder, Newfoundlands, great big I MEAN BIG like 150 pound black dogs. Gentle giants though. Only the old one drools (like Hootch). Cass loves them, and they love her. She climbs all over one of them, smacks its belly, pulls its ears... they play some sort of improvised game of tag out on the deck when I let the dogs up. Landlord, Sue, is also a dog boarder and groomer. She also shows her dogs, two of them (not really sure exactly how many are hers cuz of all the boarders... I'd say 4 Newfees) are show winners. I really like the landlord. We're practically roommates. She saw me lugging laundry down today and said we could use her washer and dryer (that and a dishwasher are the only things lacking, seeing Ive never had a dw and seldom have had a w&d, it's not bad). When you pull up the private drive (one of those "seasonal use only" mountain roads... Janet's seen em round Olean I'm sure) you come round this curve and BAM there's this beautiful Walden-like pond. The next thing you notice is either the ginormous dogs, or if they're inside you notice the ginormous deck. You walk through the gate, doggies bark but are harmless, TOO harmless for such big dogs if you ask me... you come up the stairs onto our deck. Coming through the front door and you're in the kitchen. Straight ahead is the living room, with just enough room to fit an entertainment center along the back wall of the kitchen "island". We don't have one of those though, just an old microwave cart with a tv on top.... The tv has to go there, that's where all the hook ups are. Facing that area to your right are french doors going out to the other side of the deck. I'm pretty sure the deck is more square footage than the whole apt. I want to get a dining set out there, and maybe a tent/screen house/hammock. Facing the french doors, on your right is the shorter of two walls, the same length as the kitchen "island" wall the tv center is against. To the right of that wall is another, but longer. There's just enough room for a sectional couch, and a coffee table running in front. We only have two old chairs found with FREE signs attached, along roadsides after they didnt sell at garage sales... oh we also have a seat that went with my mom's bedroom set, three bedroom sets ago, it's about the size of a coffee table, one of which my gramma has offered to me. I dont know where the bench will go when we pick up the table. Facing the tv, the hallway is on the left. Going down in the bathroom is the first left, Cass's room is second. Across the hall from the bathroom there's a door with a staircase behind it going down to Sue's living room and wash room. Down the hall across from cassidy;s room is the master bedroom. There are very large closets in every room, as well as crawl spaces above those closets, as well as a proper (nice) storage unit above the newer garage. I also love how many cabinets we have in the kitchen. Even if I owned more than two of each dish and had enough pots & pans to make a home cooked dinner, I still couldn't fill up all that space. Anyway all is well at the cabin, and seemingly only at the cabin, and if it were up to me, I'd never leave the bitch.

Mandy called and asked if I were going to church last sunday, and if I was, would I pick up Livvy and take her with us. I think it was just a ploy to get me to go to church but anyway I went. And the car completely died a block from her house. Like shit the bed... literally TOAST. I didn't notice that the temp gauge was maxed out until about ten feet before it died. It's like Wiley Coyote, he doesn't fall until he realizes he's walking on air (I say "what good is reality anyway, why bother recognizing it??"). So whatever, fuck it, it can sit in my aunt's driveway till I figure out what the fuck I'm gonna do. It took 4 liters of water and still wanted more, plus I put in more oil, so it's mot that. It wants to turn over, it makes some horrible sound, kinda like a drowning person trying to breath (yeah Mr. Mechanic, it is making a weird sound...). I thought maybe a belt had been warped and snapped, but the serpentine belt is fine, I dont know. Can't see any other belts. Toyotas make sense to me, their engine layouts... this Nissan though... it's all crammed in there even though there's plenty of room for it not to be. And the radiator's proportionately small. Doesn't it ever get hot in Japan? Oh yeah, also, the week before hell unleashed its fury under my hood, the radio went. Janet says theyve put in more than a few radios and they just stop working for no reason. Wee beasties running amuck through the whole car I tell ya. Fucken gremlins.

And I still havent done any school work... since whenever it was that that paper was due. Nothing, not even the make up work for last semester, not work in the other classes I wasn't "slacking" off in.... It's some sort of writer's block... thinker's block... some kind of block. Come to think of it, havent been doing much lately. My eating has been halved. I was paranoid at first, it's sad that 20 years after having to go hungry, govt cheese and bologna logs... and twenty years of being chubby-at-best... and I still panic when I don't eat a huge a plate of food. I caught myself a few weeks ago thinking that again "Oh my god, this isnt enough, I'll be hungry in an hour...." I either don't get hungry till later than that, or if I do get hungry, I let myself be hungry. It's not like when I was a kid and Prett and I fought over a canister of breadcrumbs once. I wont starve... I can eat if I choose. Strange that the panic is still there though. And I wonder how many other things will surface the more weight I lose.... I also don't hang out much with PF or Erin. They've been asking for more n more money, not coming up with what they owe already. I shoulda been paid back by now and he still owes me more than half ($175) of what I lent him ($300). I bet $175 would buy a new radiator... Greg could afford it but he's been paying the rent and says he'll continue to do so until whenever my money from school in Sept comes (Oct, hopefully lol). Which brings me back to school... what's my fucking problem??? I got two weeks left. It's getting to the point where finishing everything on time isnt going to be possible. I need a big bottle of no-doz and a week of Denny's all-nighters. I think I could pull it off out on the deck, I'm just so fucking beat after spending all day long with Cassidy. Guess that's where the no-doz would come in, eh? ok time for bed

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

last :: next