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Seriously whats up with shit being so slow around Dland these days. I mean DAMN! Like 5 minutes to load my notes and stats, for-fucking-ever to submit an entry....

MMMmmm, I think I'm in love. Like for real! I feel all 8th grade inside. Rob's the one, for sure. I had him pegged totally wrong, he's so much smarter, deeper, better, everything-er than I thought. Like to the point where I can't trust that it's all true cuz if it is then it's gonna be so good. The potential for this relationship is making me paranoid. I wanna take things really slow, not saying I love you, not moving in together, not introducing him to Cass.... I need to wait for that 3 month honeymoon period to end, that's when people really start showing their true colors and stop being who they are on their resumes. While waiting on the bus today I made an OCD inspired pros and cons list.

Things I like about Rob
He's only been with 5 women, (making my evil ass my fave#...6!). He waited till he was out of high school to lose his virginity, then stayed with that girl a couple years, the next one a year, the next one 13 years, the next one a couple years, then he had what was supposed to be a one nighter with Andrea. He said that was an experiment gone wrong. He wants to get back to meaningful long-term relationships. Yeah, that might be nice for a change seeing I haven't had anything long term and meaningful since Lon.
He's very polite and gentlemanly, romantic, but not in gay overbearing ways.
He's affectionate and not afraid to show it, but again not codependent about it like some of the guys I've been with. We were crossing the street today and he took my hand, it was really cute. He also talks about feelings to a certain extent, like when I noticed an RIP homemade tat on his shoulder and my dumbass says "fallen homie?" and he said "my son" yeah whoops, I slapped my head and said "DOH!" and apologized profusely and he said "It's alright, I'll talk about it with you but not during the movie we're watching." Also in general he doesn't talk man-talk, it's not all about beer, sluts and video games... something I just noticed... that's pretty much all I talk about... ummm
He's a clean freak, with self and surroundings. "Don't ever think I'll shave my goatee off though, that stays" lol ever since I first saw Cobain with his, Ive rarely found a shorn face attractive.
He's not cynical! He's been abused, cheated on, divorced, broken-hearted, dead-kid etc and he still says things like "well shit happens, but that dont give you the right to just start being mean and acting like you dont care" whereas if something ever happened to Cassidy y'all better lock up your kids cuz I'm sending out a plague on the first born.
He used H everyday for only three months before figuring out it was lame and quit cold turkey.
We have common interests (camping, travel, softball, karaoke, guitar).
He has no problem with my body and isnt embarassed about my hair or how I dress.
We both work second shift, like to stay up till dawn and sleep all day.
He likes talking on the phone.
He REALLY likes vampires, and fire.
All the cool sex.
He has goals (own a resteraunt n bar) and ambitions (back to school).

CONS
no apartment
no license (got it taken away a few years ago cuz of having back child support owed, has support all caught up never got around to getting license).
He hasn't been to college (although he's smarter than average)
He let's me take control too easily, isn't DOM enough (also I always initiate sex, tho he initiates cuddling, sitting close on couch etc)
He might drink too much or too often, not around him enough yet to know for sure
Along those lines, relapse is always a possibility, there's always coke or some other drug to worry about
He snores (superficial I know, I was just brainstorming)
He's deaf in 1 ear (literally) and it's a huge pet peeve of mine to repeat myself.

Then there are the I'm paranoid cons like
He probably thinks Im a slut
I might be too evil for him
I talk too much
Does he really not wanna hang out with scuzzy people?
Does he understand me as much as he lets on?

Most of the cons are problems with myself or things I can make changes about to better the situation. Some of them are trite. But some are serious, like the no apartment, no license, no car thing. Another con is that I'm already in love with him and ready to break my own rule (about not saying I Love You too soon), and you might think it's a good thing to love somebody, but trust me, it's not. Love is the ultimate permission. People hurt loved ones way more than strangers. Lon hurt me far worse than any other guy, including Harlan, and that was because it was that True Love - Agape - Love Forgives All - kind of love. I don't want it to be like that again. Some things are just downright unforgivable. I don't want to let my guard down yet.

I'm really excited for tomorrow (Saturday) night cuz he's coming to the cabin to help me finish things up there. I hope things go well. I also hope that we get everything done, not that bonding isnt important or anything, he's just such a beautiful distraction, we've never really been alone so I can see us just lounging on the boat or being naked on the deck all weekend. I wouldn't mind slacking off with him for the rest of my life... and I gotta break outta that frame of mind.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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