Defining Moments of My Life
I'm not even supposed to be here today!

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I'm not even supposed to be here today!
12.08.07 11:10 p.m.

Man I hurt. These triple-doubles are killing me. Neither job is going well. I hope January 19th gets here soon. That's when I can register a car again without having to pay that fine. Good thing about working in a gas station is that there are a lot of car savvy guys, one guy that hangs out all night is a local mechanic and fixes junkers. Also my cousin Mandy's ex bf Sweeny does that too. I'm not too picky right now, just has to be good on gas because I plan on getting a HHA/CNA job again.

Some lady's single use camera went missing or something and ended up in the trash without being processed, and me and two other photomat people were taken separately into the "serious office" and questioned by two assistant managers. I'm woprried that in my half-awake state that I mistook a halfway opened camera for a fully opened one and chucked it in the recycling bin. They seemed to think it was deliberately thrown away. I'm not quite sure what happened or what's going on with the matter right now. It reminds me of Opinions Unlimited when they piss tested everybody the Tuesday after Memorial Day, 99% of the crew flunked and only me and one guy got forced to resign. That came a week after the two of us asked for a raise.... Not that I care all that much, I'm meant to be in some dusty place translating ancient texts, not working for the global #1 oil company and global #1 retail store. I work for 2 devils.

Speaking of devils, my alarm clock has got to go. have I mentioned how the retarded piece of shit wont even beep, it just flashes? Well now it keeps fucking with me on time as well. No matter how thick the ear plugs I still awake when cass cries, so I woke up to that, she was going to bed with Nani (godzilla). I got up having to piss, checked the clock and it said 10:49. I had appox 45 of sleep left. It took me forever to get back to sleep after pissing and the next time I woke up my clock said 11:47. My mom or Heather or kevin were spozed to wake me up at 11:30, and I heard no noise in the house so I figured that H&K were across the street at one of the bars. I got up rushing around and when I got downstairs the clock on the cable box said that it was 10:51. So I still could have had another 45 mins of sleep. Then in my sleep deprived state I questioned whether I had really woken up at the original "10:49". When i got home from my third shift of work tonight my mom immediately asked me to run to the grocery store for milk. While in there the ceiling turned purple and started to shrink down on me. I knew it was the exhaustion and maybe leftover mushroom residue from Wednesday-Thursday (havent discussed that but anyway Im sure you can piece together as well as I could how my night out went). It creeped me out but was kinda cool at the same time.

I left a note for Lon on his diary, no other way to contact him as of yet. Maybe he's disappointed and gave up already. I dont know what you all expect. "What are you doin working at a gas station?" "Lay off the fucking drugs" "You're better than that" who says? That I still open my eyes every morning at 30 yrs old is more than I ever expected out of myself. What really made that poor nebraska boy finally flip? Maybe he just needed a hug. I need to move somewhere big and anonymous.


Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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About Me
I am a bipolar genius, child abuse & addiction survivor, who is now a single mother who works 70 hours a week and has had gastric-bypass weight loss surgery a year ago. Wish me luck cuz I need it!!!

Examples of My Insanity
Dead On Mental Health Quiz
Tuna Noodle Casserole Story
Explaining Myselves
Biting Off Redneck's Finger
Got So Crazy Scratched Til I Bled
How I Found Nirvana
Leaving Lon After 7 Years
Bad Luck On 3 July 4ths
Random Craziness (FBI Please Disregard)
How I Ended Up A Junky
Almost Getting Raped by a Marine
Typical Weekend in Ohio
How Cobain Saved My Life


How long could we maintain? I wondered. How long until one of us starts raving and jabbering at this boy? What will he think then? This same lonely desert was the last known home of the Manson family; will he make that grim connection when my attorney starts screaming about bats and huge manta rays coming down on the car? If so, well, we'll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere, 'cause it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outback Nazi law enforcement agency and they'll run us down like dogs. Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


AFTER


WHAT'S MY NAME?!?