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@ workforce development right now snagging their comps n printers. got this mostly written then got yelled at n have to go, will finish later DAMMIT!!!)

Well!!! Talk about a change of events� Dawn and Larry and Landan have moved in already. AND Jerico is trying to find a way to stay. Wait, what? What�s the score here?

So OK, I don�t know if he was just horny, or if he was missing me, or if it was the idea of me getting pummeled by big black cock in the near future but whatever the reason might have been, Jerico and I fucked Friday night.

I can hear you all now �Yeah yeah, that�s great Jo, you and Jerico maybe back together� but what�s this about big black cock?�

This is how it went down: Thursday night I was out of bed almost the whole time. I was in bed long enough for him to fall asleep next to me, then got up and did more typing until 3 or so, stayed in bed til 4:30 trying to sleep but got up again and typed more. Got back into bed around 6am. He snuggled me and was sorta playing footsie with my leg. I coulda had him then, (and prolly weds night too) and it was driving me crazy. Before getting into bed I had written a few things down that I had wanted to talk to him about (�Do you think I need rehab?� �Honestly in what ways could I improve my parenting?� �Should I put money into the car?�) and also a couple last requests, mostly honey-do chores for around the house but then at the bottom I had written �keep snuggling as long as in bed together� and �better last kiss�. I don�t know if I mentioned it in here but technically my last kiss with Jerico involved shotgunning coke so I wanted something better. So pretty much after finishing that list I got back into bed 6am and he rolls over and snuggles me for the first time in a while. Then the whole footsie thing. We had a good convo that morning. He could tell I was super nervous about the day. Rent was due, I wasn�t sure who was moving in, or when, wasn�t sure about buying the car, not sure if I was gonna have a place to live�. He sat with me on the bed for a few minutes. I was shaking from nerves. We talked about the few things I wanted from him still (minus the kiss). It was passed time for him to go and I could tell he was dicking around not wanting to leave me a wreck. I was trying to work up the guts to ask for the kiss. I was so sure he was moving out that day, that Thursday night was my last night with him in my home. He started to say he needed to go and I said �wait!� and then chickened out right away and said �no, nothing, nevermind� but he had already said �what?� once and then now again �what is it?� and he walked over to me sitting on the side of the bed, his workboots up against my toes, and he bent down and kissed the top of my head. I looked up but it was still an awkward angle for him, he kissed my forehead and said �I�m not going to abandon you. It�ll be ok. Try not to worry unless you�re 100% sure you have something to worry about.� As he started to walk away I said �Did you know that I was going to ask you for a kiss?� pause �That�s why I said �wait�� pause �It kills me to think that our last kiss involved what it did�� He answered �You brought it up after karaoke on Wednesday� which I didn�t remember doing but could have seein it�s really bugging me. Then he smiled and said �There�s still time for last kisses� and slid out the door. It meant a lot to me that the 2 things I didn�t have the nerve to ask for (snuggle and smooch) were the 2 things he gave me.

Things didn�t get better when Dawn came over that morning after she got out of work. She said she still wanted to move in but maybe not her on and off again bf Larry. Then she said he work hours changed. Right now she has 4 days at the mart, different shifts too. She�s taking ft overnights sun-thurs and I need to be at the house to watch Landan til 8:30 every morning. Who the hell sez Im gonna be home every fucking night of the week? Plus 8:30 is pushing it for me to get to a day job on time also. AND the kid is psycho. Dawn and I got into well not an argument but she could tell I wasn�t happy with watching her kid every damn night so after she left I actually felt WORSE about the situation.

When Jerico got home from work he had already done some errands. We had a very busy weekend and did nothing but run around all crazy. I had to find a sitter for Cass (she pretty much grabbed onto Jer�s pantleg and said �Me no go store, want keep old Tik-toe!� and all of us were emotional. I didn�t want her around for Jerico moving more stuff out and everyone else moving theirs in. But we needed to get more done than laying in bed watching Charlotte�s Web. I got Cass taken care of and we started moving stuff. I had to combine my library/computer room AND my tv room AND my bedroom. And now if Jerico decides he really does want to stay and needs his own room then I think Cass might be moving in the big room with me also. Good thing my room is 14� by 20�, (same as the kitchen, which is going to be the living room pretty soon lol). Anyway we got a truckful of chairs loaded and stopped at the gas station to see Dawn before we went over to Jer�s parents house. Good news from Dawn, they were both moving in the next day. At least I knew I wouldn�t be homeless. Now the quality of the home I�d have� that�s a new problem.

It was weird seeing them again. I had previously been mad at his mom, now that we�ve talked a little bit Im not that angry. I got in some good flirting time with his dad anyway, lol. His mom forced me to eat, I was fairly sure Jer had mentioned my (not-)eating disorder to them the night before. After his parents I possibly had to get Erin from work at 8:20 and Jerico had been invited to a bar friend�s bday party, plus we were waiting on some green and had to make that run too. The plan was to do the run (more on this later), then drop Jer off at the party, me take care of Erin then meet back at the party 10ish to go to karaoke @ Driscolls with Jerico. Instead it turns out Erin found a ride, so I went home, showered and got ALL dressed up (Hotter even than for Jerico�s bday at the strip club). Then I decided to have a drink or two in Canandaigua, hoping to run into old bar friends of mine. I saw everyone I had been missing from The Pick and about 10:15 went over to the Lumberyard only to see if Rebel was working. After confirming he was there I went inside n got us drinks (I still remembered what he likes and I aint bought him a drink in 6 mos or more). B-lined up to the booth. He was already hard when he hugged me. Now he may have just happened to have a boner from watching the sluts at the bar, or maybe he REALLY likes spinning records� but Im pretty sure it was seeing me walk back onto his dance floor, seeing how fucking hot I look, and realizing why I was there. I got up the �ladder� to the dj booth with a drink in each hand and 2 inch heels on my feet. I hand him his drink, we hug (his pulsating animal wang in my thigh) and smooch, and I say in his ear �so I think I might be ready to fuck you at some point in the near future.� �REALLY? Nice to see you too!�

A little background for newer readers: Reb is a dcent looking black guy from Brooklyn. He�s a pro dancer, dj, producer etc. He�s only been up here 6 mos longer than I have. He�s got a bad rep for bein a player. Previously I assumed he had three or four kids all under 5 years old with different baby mammas. I used to joke with him all the time about me being the only cute chubby white girl he aint knocked up. Turns out he�s got a 16 year old still in NYC and then the only other kid is the one who I know the baby momma and have seen the kid. He sez the girls around him are just dj groupies, he�s fairly monogymous but prefers open relationships so if Ive seen him �cheatin� it wasn�t cheatin. He just wanted to correct some of the things I dog him on. I�ve never been with a black guy, and though I come across as more racist than I really am, I wouldn�t have a problem being with one. So I pretty much grinded John all night in the booth. He�d never seen me dance and said I was coming along nicely learning how to use my new body. Last year I asked if he�d give me some dance lessons (to which he replied �only if it�s horizontal�). I�m friends with one of his lady friends (ex gf but they still fuck buds), she and I have made out and almost gone all the way on numerous occaisions. Last summer I almost went home with both of them but I was too drunk to be any fun and ended up goin to this other party getting even drunker and screwing this other kid (??). So anyway there�s mad tension between rebel and I. He knows Ive never been with a black guy, plus I havent been with that many men in general, plus he knows that I know (and have seen) how big his cock is, and I also know he�s a freak and that he knows Im a freak too. This aint gonna be a 5 minute one night stand� this is gonna be some serious we gotta take it slow and practice, work up to being able to do the shit we�re gonna be doing to each other kinda thing.

SO let�s get to Jerico�

Around 11:30 I notice there�s a new text on my phone, asking where I am. I don�t recognize the number, it wasn�t sent from Jer�s phone but I knew it was him. I somehow also knew that jerico was quite drunk. I told Reb I�d be back and high-tailed it over to Clifton thinking Jer would already be at Driscoll�s. The place was EMPTY (Shawn �my night before new years eve one night stand- was kj, funny that no one was there). I got to the other bar where the party was and Jerico was the first thing I saw as I walked in the door. He was half leaning on a bar stool. I said to him �You wanna go to where the party�s at?� and he said �After I take care of a business transaction.� So we hung around for that (made $50 too!) then got back to the Yard. The last time I dragged Jer out to Canandaigua no one was out. We even went to the Yard lookin for Rebel. I wanted to show Jerico what my world was like. I had Jerico get us a round of drinks then brought him up to the booth. It was quite loud up there and when I introduced them I had to kinda do it separately so it went like this: I yelled to John �John, this is Jerico� and while they shook hands I leaned into Jer and said �And Jerico this is the man Im gonna be fucking soon.�� Jerico�s kinda racist, but not as racist as everyone else is around here� he�ll give people a chance anyway but still I could tell it REALLY fucked with him. He knows Ive never been with a black guy, and maybe he always thought that I�d be against it but knowing me as well as he does he also knows that Im not against trying anything really.

So I think it was a combination of reasons that led up to me raping the shit out of him (�wait, did she say rape?�) after we got home that night. We hung out in the booth for a while, danced a little bit also. Jerico ran into a cousin of his and they talked to us for a long time finally inviting us over so the lids could play together. That�s when I said to Jer �Nope, it�s your turn to tell them� and they looked at me funny. Since we broke up it�s been a constant informing of people that yes were are broken up, or yes we STILL are broken up as the case may be seeing we keep going out places together and confusing people. After telling his cuz we weren�t together anymore his wife slapped him and said �But we LOVE HER! She�s soooo much fun, how could you dump her, look how hot she is!� and his cousin was like �Yeah man, what are you thinking???� Then the wife goes �Well Jer, you�re not invited then, we just wanted Joey & Cass to come over anyway!� lol. A lot of his friends have been giving him shit cuz they liked me and thought we made a good couple. Anyway we left The Yard at last call and went straight home.

I let him watch me undress. I was wearing that $80 dress Scott �forced� me to buy (�we�re not leaving the mall until you buy something, Im sick of seeing you in rags!�), the dress is so much bigger on me than when I wore it for Jer�s bday (Feb 20), I coulda just worn that but I like wearing it with a skirt or pants under it. This was the first time I wore it with pants (emsemble: leather trench coat, trench coat dress, black dress pants, leather and chrome chain belt, black steel toe doc martens). He was laying in bed smoking a cig. I sat down and undid my boots first, then stood up to take my pants off. I�ve been undressing in front of him more lately, it was brought up in one of the talks that he didn�t like how much I hated my body, that he didn�t mind the droopy skin and it made it worse that I hid it and hated it. After the whole not recognizing myself in the picture thing my self esteem has gotten way better. Also all the men and women trying to fuck me thing helps too lol. This bein hot shit is rad!

So it happened like this: we were in bed, I had on my underwear (black sexy things) he had on pj bottoms and no shirt. Right as I�m laying down he rolls over and snuggles me hard. Immediately I think of the list of reasons not to fuck him that I wrote down shortly after he left for work that morning. Let me go grab my handwritten journal so I can reread them (might be a good idea heh). Well, I should add that whole entry in here lol. The reasons were: #1 it would be just sex, wouldnt change anything, it wouldnt be lovemaking, just fucking. #2 I would memorize EVERY FUCKING DETAIL (the gleam of moonlight on his belly, the smell of his neck, the slow motion afterglow) and torture myself by replaying it in my head. #3 I would be merciless.

Now that we've had sex again (a couple times actually, I'll get to it I swear, Im a few days behind and wish I woulda gotten to writing about the first sex before sleeping with him again) I can say that TO ME it feels like lovemaking, it HAS changed things, I DO torture myself AND I WAS MERCILESS!!! But it's all good. Well you know, he could decide to still move out after vacation and that wouldnt be good, but Ill get through it and Im glad I took the risk for one last time but let me get back on track chronologically dammit...

So we get home from the bar, I undress in front of him, which is what we been doin all along anyway, but I was bein slower than usual thinkin I would tease him a little. He was laying there shirtless, smoking a cigarette, watching me. He had folded the covers down for us and even before I got comfortable with all my pillows he was bear hugging me. We always hold tight, I mean CRUSHING tight, like if Im snuggling him he'd have my arm trapped under his, sometimes even holding my hand in his or usually he tucked it under his side. It was pretty similar when he'd have his arm around me, he would always want to hold my belly which I was uncomfortable with (ok now tho) and preferred he hold around my breasts, either way he'd tuck his hand under my body.

Now before I go into sex detail you all need to get my soundtrack in your heads, get this song in your head cuz this is the song thats been in my head through all the tension that was building up before he and I slept together (aka I "raped" him), also what was in my head during the sex. Download it if you dont know it cuz you REALLY need to hear the voice, it's a mix of desperation and anger that I identify with in my Jerico situation.

"Tyler" by The Toadies (drank beers with a couple of these crazy fucks in Austin back in my Texas days)

and she runs through her days
with a smile on her face
and she runs and she waits
and I wait

we can drive to any place day and night to cross this state
and in the morning into mexico we will wake up
we will wake up! we will yeah yeah!
I will be with her yeah

I found a window in the kitchen and I let myself in
I rummage through the refrigerator pour myself a beer
I cant believe Im really here and she's lying in that bed
I can almost feel her touch and her angel's breath
I stumble in the hallway outside her bedroom door
I hear her call out to me I hear the fear in her voice
she pulls the covers tighter I press against the door
I will be with her tonight yeah. I will be with her tonight!!!

Ive got the song goin on repeat in my mp3 player right now to recreate the mood, eyes closed remembering the details I use to torture myself with. Right now his leather jacket covers my lap and I keep smelling my hands cuz no matter how many times I wash them I can still pick up his scent.... You guys got that Toadies song in your heads yet? Lets get to the good stuff!

~He's got his arms around me so tight, hot wet breath on my neck, his toes caressing my calf. Some of the exhales reach my ear giving hardons to the tiny hairs on the back of my neck. His fingers are wiggling under me, trying to absent-mindedly stroke my stomach. I'm soaking all this in, memorizing it, locking it away, stalling, thinking... "does he know what he's doing... he has to know what he's doing... how drunk is he... would it be taking advantage of him... would he do this sober... how drunk am I... would I do this sober... what's tomorrow gonna be like... does he REALLY mean just friends..." I'm shaking from being so nervous "what if he rejects me... could I handle rolling over to kiss him and have him turn his head away... could I handle him saying tomorrow morning that he was moving out and obviously we cant just be friends so see ya tootse... what's the poker equivalent to this, how much of my stack am I betting and what size is the pot..." I swallow a deep breath and pray for an ace on the river, "If I wanted you tonight... could I have you?" My voice was steady, I had found conviction. I was deliberately slow, my words well spoken -articulation perfect, no chance of him not hearing or understanding me. "Even if it didn't change anything, could I have you?" His reply was shaky but immediate, he said it in an exhale, like a sigh of relief , "yes" and I was on him in an instant.

I don't think there's ever been sex as desperate as what this was. We couldn't get clothes off each other fast enough, we couldnt kiss any harder. The Toadies song starts playing in my head "I will be with her tonight" and I think this is when the anger takes over. "Tyler" is a lot like Maroon 5's "She Will Be Loved", to me the songs aren't as romantic as people think, before this night those songs were clearly about rape, and after how the sex turned out I have a new insight on these songs, a new understanding of obsession, stalking and rape now having experienced both sides of it.

I took out my tongue ring cuz I was being a little rough and didnt want to accidentally jab him with it "leave it in, I like it" "I might hurt you" . "It's OK" "No... I might HURT you." I'm up on all fours getting him fully hard with my mouth, He's fingering me while I do this, slipping in only one finger cuz that's all I need for my tight, tilted pussy. He knows right where the spot is, his finger's the perfect legnth, it goes RIGHT THERE. He↓s made me cum INSTANTLY numerous times with his hands and twice with his cock, just putting it in. He gets hard pretty quickly but I↓m enjoying what he↓s doing to me, it↓s not often that Im in this position, not often that Im being pleasured while giving him head (a pleasure in itself), I don↓t want to stay like that for too long though, just a couple orgasms, I want to ride him and we need to prolong the life of the knees. I spin around and over top of him. One hand is on the base of his cock to keep it from gliding in, the other hand is dragging down his neck shoulders chest stomach and pelvis, taking three parellel lines of skin and flesh out of him. SLAMMING my hips down on his, I finally let his cock go all the way in, right as my ditch-digging nails reached his leg.

Reason #3 I↓ll be MERCILESS

I dont think I actually full-out punched him, but maybe I did. I wouldnt put it past me. I took out some much needed anger & aggression on him. As I slammed my ass up and down on him I held his hands above his head, pinning them down with my weight. I clawed and slapped him a good bit, choked him enough to scare him but didnt bite or get any meaner than that (cutting, waxing, burning, electric play etc shit I plan on doing with Reb). "Do you know who you↓re fucking right now?" slap! "Want to get my name wrong again?" slap! "Who's fucking you so fucken good Jerico?" slap! "SAY IT!" S L A P ! "Couldnt even go a week without this, could you?!" This is where I get TWO hands around his throat, and that↓s most of my weight pressing down there because of the position we were in. I know how to choke for real because I have been choked FOR REAL, thumbs pressing down and digging into the voice box, outlying fingers restricting the carotid, whole hand squeezing together like a vice, I know choking well. This was the only time he interfered with my control... placing his palm on my heart and pushing for me to stop. I roll off and drag him on top of me in one move, he enters me and we cum together quickly.

Saturday morning he acted a little awkward and I broke the ice reminding him "Nothing↓s changed, right?" While he was in the car on the way to work I said to him "If you dont want people knowing then I suggest you do some better acting around Bobby today." There was a grin, a glow and a confusion engulfing him.

I dropped him off and went straight to Pigfucker↓s for some girlie talk with Erin. Pound pound pound pound pound pound pound on the door "Cmon bitches WAKE N BAKE I got NEWS!" I was flying off the manic scale. It was a pretty good Saturday. We went to Jerico↓s parents↓s house to get the truck, ended up shoveling a few tons of mulch out of it first though. At one point Jerico got hot and took off his shirt and his dad looked at hime wierd. It never occured to me that he might have marks. He never said anything about them hurting and didnt notice them himself. Later that night he took off his shirt and I saw them RIGHT away. "Oh shit babe, no w o n d e r y o u r d a d l o o k e d a t y o u f u n n y ! ? ⌙ H e h a d n t n o t i c e d h i s d a d l o o k i n a t h i m f u n n y e i t h e r . ⌙ O h m a n , y o u ↓ r e s o o o o b u s t e d ! ↔ A n d I r e m e m b e r e d h o w h i s p a r e n t s o f f e r e d t o t a k e u s a l l o u t f o r l u n c h a n d I w a s c l e a n i n g m y n a i l s , f u c k e n a r o u n d w i t h t h e m , a n d h i s d a d w a s w a t c h i n g . I j u s t t h o u g h t I w a s d o i n s o m e f l i r t i n g ( I l i k e c o n f u s i n g h i s d a d b u t I d o i t t o f u c k w i t h J e r c u z o f w h a t i s a i d i n a b l a c k o u t t h e n i g h t h e d u m p e d m e ) . S o h i s d a d s e e s t h e f r e s h g o u g e s g o i n f r o m h i s n e c k a n d d i s a p p e a r i n g d o w n s o m e w h e r e i n t o h i s p a n t s , a n d a n h o u r l a t e r i s w a t c h i n g m e c l e a n m u l c h o u t f r o m u n d e r m y n a i l s w i t h g r e a t i n t e r e s t . O h h o w I c h u c k l e . < / P > < P > D a w n a n d L a r r y a n d L a n d a n m o v e d i n . C a s s i d y w a s w i t h h e r d a d f o r t h e n i g h t a n d I a s s u m e d w e ↓ d b e g o i n t o k a r a o k e . I t o l d h i m t h a t I w o u l d r i d e w i t h S u e o r s o m e t h i n g i f h e w a n t e d t o g o s e p a r a t e . L a t e r t h a t d a y I h a d t o p i c k E r i n u p f r o m w o r k a n d d i d n t e n d u p g e t t i n g h o m e u n t i l 1 0 p m . B e f o r e t h a t h e a n d I t a l k e d a b o u t m a y b e g o i n g o u t t o a m o v i e . W e w e r e w h o o p e d f r o m m o v i n g a n d s h o v e l i n g a n d s t r e s s e t c . I h a d c a l l e d J e r i c o f r o m E r i n ↓ s p h o n e a n d I t o l d h i m I ↓ d p i c k u p a m o v i e . I t w a s d o w n p o u r i n g l i k e a b i t c h a n d t h e n a l s o I h a d s o m e g o o d s m o k e o f m y o w n s o b e t w e e n w a l m a r t f o r m o v i e s , t h e s l o w r o a d s d u e t o t o r r e n t i a l d o w n p o u r a n d s m o k i n g w i t h E r i n G a r y a n d a c o u p l e o f t h e i r f r i e n d s I e n d e d u p r u n n i n g w a y l a t e r t h a n I w a n t e d . W e s t i l l e n d e d u p w a t c h i n g B o o n d o c k S a i n t s b e f o r e b e d . I d o n t t h i n k w e f o o l e d a r o u n d i n b e d t h a t n i g h t b u t w e w e r e b a c k t o s n u g g l i n g . I ↓ v e b e e n g i v i n g h i m b l o w j o b s e v e r y m o r n i n g a l l w e e k d n t n o t i c e d h i s d a d l o o k i n a t h i m f u n n y e i t h e r . ⌙ O h m a n , y o u ↓ r e s o o o o b u s t e d ! ↔ A n d I r e m e m b e r e d h o w h i s p a r e n t s o f f e r e d t o t a k e u s a l l o u t f o r l u n c h a n d I w a s c l e a n i n g m y n a i l s , f u c k e n a r o u n d w i t h t h e m , a n d h i s

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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