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I think sometimes I ask for it... like with my last entry last night about not wanting to talk abotu the heroin shit, but it'd be ok if I was helping people, and this fucking THIS MORNING I end up helping someone, as indirectly as it was I suppose. So this makes me wonder if I should go ahead with my whole junkie.net idea.... Make it kinda like a heroin FAQ. But that's just soooo lame. What kinda world is it that has a NEED for something like that? Not one I want to be living in, that's for sure.

I still taste those fucking green peppers. And as I have no one here to focus my wrath upon I shall stew all night. I'm STILL laughing like an idiot at what Matt said. It's such a nice compliment, and ego boost. Yet the downer in me is already saying "ok Joe, he's gay, MOST GAY MEN LIKE BIG BOOBS!" and secondly he's mental... sorry Matt, maybe you imagined that I was a hotty LOL maybe you're delusional. That probably wasn't even me you were looking at, you were probabably checking out those sicko photos at fugly.com again. Then again, maybe that WAS me... word. My whole life has been one long fugly.com photoshoot....

laughing, falling out of my mouth... like the time I tripped for the first time in ages. The first real time I tripped I'd gotten to high school art class early and there was a little strip of paper on my work spot. I was thinking it might be acid, but its the art studio and theres little scraps of paper all over the place ya know... but it DID taste kinda funny, so what the hell, popped the WHOLE thing under my tongue... it was at least three hits big.... yeahhhh I never foudn out if someone had left it there for my purposefully as like some kinda present or what. so that was like 93 I thinkand the next time I tripped wasnt until christmas of 98 when my brother's friend Nate (god I need to do a story on him hes fucking awesome) gave me 3 sugar cubes with liquid on them. The only times Ive done acid and it hasnt been bunk, its been out of the blue Nate calling, or better yet just showing up from nowhere, and giving me acid.... So I end up eating all three cuz you know how I am about limits and um self-control with drugs etc... so I watch the christmas tree for what seems like forever, cuz man there is nothign more beautiful than a christmas tree on acid... and then Lon set the lights to blink woah!!!!! that was too much and I ran in the bedroom to hide. at that time our four post bed still had four posts and I had a net of lights, tiny white ones, that was nailed to the ceiling in the middle, them the corners came down to the posts, so it was a canopy of stars... well I laid there for a while and then I thought to call Prett and Nate (Prett still lived at home with our mother at the time, they were dosing there) and thank them. Well I got my brother's cell phone's voice mail and right when I heard the beep I realized that the phone lit up too, like when you take the phone off the hook the numbers would light up green. So I was giggling at that cuz I hadnt noticed it before, or rather it had never struck me as funny, so then I started laughing that I was kaughing, and well you know how it is when youre one an awesome trip and you start laughing... and the laughter just falls out of you and you cant stop, and the sound rings in your ears like a mixture of sleigh bells and machine gun fire... so then I started hitting buttons, and this made me crack up even more because as I was randomly hitting buttons to hear the notes, to me, in MY head it sounded like I was creating some kind of symphony, complete with horns and timpanis and violins... so that my random button hitting, in my head, came out sounding like Mozart, when in all reality, when I heard the message replayed to me (over and over again... we recorded it on my mini-tape thingy Ill need to find that!) when replayed to me the next day it went like this ---"uhhhh this is... woahhh lights yeahhhhh" (10 minutes of maniacal laughter with me going "SHHHHH! quiet down, they'll hear you!" every once in a while) then I start randomly hitting buttons, and sort of humming, still laughing like a buffoon... then I walk away for a sec, you hear the faint sounds of the toilet flushing, me laughing some more, me saying "ooooh pretty lights, just like stars..." then I start singing twinkle twinkle little star while almost getting it right with the notes on the phone, then I go into Major Tom and hang up right at lift off.... its about 20 minutes long. Itd make a great background to a rave remix....

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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