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I dont feel like writing but I should seeing I havent in a while, and when I have they have been short and stupid entries.

I've been sick since Wednesday. A few of the kids had strep throat where I volunteer. They dont go by the rules that real day care centers go by so the kids are allowed to be brought in when they are sick like that. So all the volunteers and myself had sore throats on wednesday. The other three have health insurance and went to the doctor weds afternoon or thursday. I dont know if I would have gone even if I had health insurance. I've had enough bad experiences with doctors. I usually just "wait out" a cold, my body has a tendancy to mend itself. So Friday and Saturday while I was coughing and sneezing all day at our convention, the others from my work site were already on their way toward recovery.

The lack of sleep had taken a toll on me too. This was the first day in a week that I got to sleep in. I woke up around 11:30, checked my email and then made breakfast (pancakes n bacon). Eric woke up while I was cooking. We ate, watched some of the winter x-games finals then went back to bed. Just woke up again around 4.

I had a few bad things happen in the last few days:

First off, there is a girl at my service site, she works at the other side with the adults. She spotted my Nirvana tat a couple fridays ago, asked what site I was assigned to and it turned out we would be working together. Last week while on a well-timed smoke break together we got to talk a bit more. I dont know how much of this is true, maybe she is like how I used to be, anyway she's definitely a drama magnet. She's 25, on her 2nd divorce. He abuses her, stole her kids, her boy that lives with the first hubby's grandparents was burned by Columbia debris during a cub scouts outing, she used to be an IV junkie, yadda yadda... I'm sure most of what she says is true but I dont know about everything. It doesnt really matter, I'm not going to get into a definition of the word Truth. So the girl is talking to me, mind you its the second time I've ever talked to her, about trying to kill herself last weekend. Thats after her current husband violated the restraining order, came over and burnt her all up with cigarettes then stole her 3 yr old and 1 yr old daughters. She had called a friend in Dallas asking for a drug dealers number here in Houston so she could buy a gram. That day she said she was talking about coke, I remember thinking it would take more than a gram to OD on coke.... Then when I hung out with her again saturday she was talking like it was heroin she was looking for. Mentioned that she wished she had some money to spend on H.... I dont mention to people that I'm an ex junkie, but I do have an NA keychain that says how many days clean I have. So maybe she jumped to that conclusion. Also addicts tend to be attracted to one another, kinda like having Gaydar. Well I really dont want to hang around with someone who is a drama magnet and who wants to get high and who possibly has a way of getting high in Houston. Sure it would be nice to do h again, but it wouldnt be nice to be addicted again, and to fuck up my relationship with eric like I fucked up with lon, and to lose my job, where I live... its not worth it.... I've been trying to avoid that girl, for obvious reasons. I dont know how it will work out seeing we volunteer at the same site. It sucks because she would be an OK friend, minus all the drama. But there's another girl I may be making friends with.

Another thing that was fucked this week is that 4 people have quit or been fired and I still dont have a full time spot. They say there's a hiring freeze and then hey say even tho there are spots open they wouldnt have enough money to pay me a salary cuz those resources have been reallocated to fill other needs doo doo doo de da da da pre approved corporate answer.... The subject is still touchy, and I dont wanna put myself in a bad mood. I'm now back to having to find a "real" job, which is about the last thing I ever want to do in my life....

I'm joining the NA steering committee tonight. It's a group of people that head-up meetings. I want to start a young peoples meeting (under 30?) and by being the chair I can set the topic for every meeting, and set its course/direction. I promise never to bring up god or use the phrase "higher power" in any of the topics or my opening discussions. Course I cant advertise this, but I think they'll get the idea. Most of the young people I talk to in meetings have two problems with NA: 1. all the nasty old men/women hitting on them 2. too much jesus bullshit. I agree. So hopefully my group will help keep the kids around longer.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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