Defining Moments of My Life
xtc vs lsd

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xtc vs lsd
04.08.03 3:32 p.m.

two dreams: early am, before the alarm went off was another heroin dream, only this time Eric was getting high, I woke up before I did. There was only one needle so maybe I wasn't even going to get high, or maybe it was one of my voyeuristic dreams where I'm not really there, just watching a scene play itself out. I remember that I got shit from P, maybe he was there with Eric. I dont remember much of the dream. Second dream I was really horny and was looking for a place to masturbate. Like I was in school @ osu and I'd think I had a place to myself but then get discovered. it reminded me a lot of trying to find a place to shoot up, back before I stopped caring about who was watching me.

I think all the H-dreaming is coming from a few different places: talking to people who use, not going to an NA meeting in over a week, big drug party coming up this weekend.... I've been stuck inside my head for a really long time now, and I don't like it. Being me is no vacation. I've been wanting to get out of myself for a while now and this party coming up has been much looked forward to. We're not sure what we're getting, the email eric got said "the same stuff as last time, $10 a hit" eric's reply was "4" he thinks he bought X, I think he got acid. I hope its acid anyway. Sometimes X doesn;t work on me, my brain chemicals are all screwy to begin with so that dopamine/seratonin stuff has odd effects. LSD always works, and works well, as long as it isnt bunk. And it puts me outta my head way more than X. X contrarily places one even deeper inside thir body. My goal is to NOT FEEL, it isn't to feel even more.... I would assume it's acid cuz eric says they always got vials for the other parties, and also the cost being $10 a hit, "HIT" means acid, who the hell says "a hit of xtc"??? also ten bucks is closer to the prce of good liquid acid and not X. I had a sweet x hook up and even when I bought a ten pack of them it still cost me $170, or $17 a pill, that's w/o markup. I would still take the X, but I wouldnt be surprised if it was bunk or weak, at $10 a tab. also with acid I dont take two hits and wish I had more, and when I have a ten strip of it I dont eat it ALL, but with X, I keep wanting more and more and the night I bought a ten pack they were gone in the morning....


Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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About Me
I am a bipolar genius, child abuse & addiction survivor, who is now a single mother who works 70 hours a week and has had gastric-bypass weight loss surgery a year ago. Wish me luck cuz I need it!!!

Examples of My Insanity
Dead On Mental Health Quiz
Tuna Noodle Casserole Story
Explaining Myselves
Biting Off Redneck's Finger
Got So Crazy Scratched Til I Bled
How I Found Nirvana
Leaving Lon After 7 Years
Bad Luck On 3 July 4ths
Random Craziness (FBI Please Disregard)
How I Ended Up A Junky
Almost Getting Raped by a Marine
Typical Weekend in Ohio
How Cobain Saved My Life


How long could we maintain? I wondered. How long until one of us starts raving and jabbering at this boy? What will he think then? This same lonely desert was the last known home of the Manson family; will he make that grim connection when my attorney starts screaming about bats and huge manta rays coming down on the car? If so, well, we'll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere, 'cause it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outback Nazi law enforcement agency and they'll run us down like dogs. Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


AFTER


WHAT'S MY NAME?!?