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two dreams: early am, before the alarm went off was another heroin dream, only this time Eric was getting high, I woke up before I did. There was only one needle so maybe I wasn't even going to get high, or maybe it was one of my voyeuristic dreams where I'm not really there, just watching a scene play itself out. I remember that I got shit from P, maybe he was there with Eric. I dont remember much of the dream. Second dream I was really horny and was looking for a place to masturbate. Like I was in school @ osu and I'd think I had a place to myself but then get discovered. it reminded me a lot of trying to find a place to shoot up, back before I stopped caring about who was watching me.

I think all the H-dreaming is coming from a few different places: talking to people who use, not going to an NA meeting in over a week, big drug party coming up this weekend.... I've been stuck inside my head for a really long time now, and I don't like it. Being me is no vacation. I've been wanting to get out of myself for a while now and this party coming up has been much looked forward to. We're not sure what we're getting, the email eric got said "the same stuff as last time, $10 a hit" eric's reply was "4" he thinks he bought X, I think he got acid. I hope its acid anyway. Sometimes X doesn;t work on me, my brain chemicals are all screwy to begin with so that dopamine/seratonin stuff has odd effects. LSD always works, and works well, as long as it isnt bunk. And it puts me outta my head way more than X. X contrarily places one even deeper inside thir body. My goal is to NOT FEEL, it isn't to feel even more.... I would assume it's acid cuz eric says they always got vials for the other parties, and also the cost being $10 a hit, "HIT" means acid, who the hell says "a hit of xtc"??? also ten bucks is closer to the prce of good liquid acid and not X. I had a sweet x hook up and even when I bought a ten pack of them it still cost me $170, or $17 a pill, that's w/o markup. I would still take the X, but I wouldnt be surprised if it was bunk or weak, at $10 a tab. also with acid I dont take two hits and wish I had more, and when I have a ten strip of it I dont eat it ALL, but with X, I keep wanting more and more and the night I bought a ten pack they were gone in the morning....

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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