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Quite an eventful weekend. NA convention was very good but for reasons one wouldn't think. I met some pretty interesting people (an old hippie turned punker who'd done heroin for 30 years and has been off it for the last ten, got clean his first try. admits he smokes weed.) I got a sponsor. The before mentioned addict pressed the subject, I didn't want her for a sponsor because she has nothing I want. They say find someone with clean time who went through the same shit you did and who has things you want (not so much the bling, but like they act how you want to, they're what you wanna be like). Diana hasn't used drugs since the early 80's, was clean and sober for 12 years then started drinking, has 6 years sober from that. But that's all she has is clean time. She's still mental, and doesn't express many of the principles the program is about. She doesn't even have the bling. I only wanted to work the steps with her, not the whole substitute-mom, female relationship or all the holier-than-thou bullshit that goes along with sponsorship. I don't expect to be in the NA program much longer than that anyway, will be switching over to OA. On that note, at the convention I overheard about a bazillion different conversations on the Adkins diet. I had heard only bad things about it before. One of the women whose conversations I butted into was a dietician and has been working the program with many of her patients for a few years. She said it's a lot like the NA program, it works if you work it. Said in her experience it's worked best for people like me. When I got back from San Angelo, Ericand I went and bought a copy of Adkins' book. I had plenty of time to read it at the hospital today. Around 9 am Eric woke up just about screaming. His kidney hurt, he couldn't pee.... I told him it was a kidney stone. He doesn't handle pain well. Though it was probably pretty similar to it, he was acting like he was having a baby. We got to the emergency room a little after 10 am. It was standing room only, but Eric was groaning so loud that they slipped him in front of other people. He was disturbing the other patients. While I was filling out some paperwork for him in an adjoining room, Eric let out a pretty loud moan. The woman I was filling out papers with looked around and said "Oh that poor little girl!" I'm serious...! I broke out laughing and she turned around to see only Eric there and no little girls... then she broke out laughing with me and said "Men, they get bigger but they never really do grow up, do they?" LOL We didn't get out of the ER till 3pm. In the meantime Eric was pumped full of happy drugs. He got Demerol and promethazine and trimethamine. He hasn't taken any of his prescription yet though (vikes) so I guess that's a good sign. Sometimes he thinks he's an addict, or a would-be addict. I don't think so. He's had plenty of opportunity, and motive. I on the other hand, am trying to forget there's a bottle full of vicodin in the bedroom. I'm not THAT tempted. Though earlier I was getting angry, and I think it had something to do with jealousy. And a little bit about wasting the only time we had together this long weekend with him all nodded out. He went straight to bed after we got home. Plus he didn't do shit this weekend besides pick up the living room a little bit. I didn't have THAT much fun at the convention, couldn't afford a room at the Holiday Inn where the convention was, ended up risking my life at some ghettofied drug haven of a motel... not enough sleep or food, having to put up with 500 other mental-case addicts listening to some bitch talk about how she fucked a dog for a nickel rock and all that fucked up shit, not to mention an 8 and a half hour ride there and a 6 hour ride back, with the Elton John CD being the least repulsive of the music I had to listen to... and I get back to about 6 loads of laundry to do, 5 of which are his. He says he wears his pants at least twice before I wash them, but why are there almost 15 pair of pants in the dirty clothes pile in one week? I swear he goes through clothes like a teenage girl. He didn't feed the cat at all, no idea if the water got changed but I know the litter didn't. I don't have a right to bitch though, cuz I live here for free, and he lets me use his car and buys me food and clothes and all that and he lent me and Diana the money to go to the convention etc etc... but to me (and seemingly the State of Texas when I applied for food stamps and all that) if you're living with someone, and you're saying "I love you" to someone then all that other stuff goes along with it. Or maybe I'm just insane. Get a paying job, I know I know.... Maybe this Adkins thing will work and I'll lose 30 pounds the first two months like most other people have and be able to get a decent job.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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