Defining Moments of My Life
atkins ok

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atkins ok
06.11.03 12:46 p.m.

well the whole atkins thing seems to be going well. we don't own a scale or I'd be able to tell how much I've lost. Originally I didn't wanna weigh myself at all, I'm not doing this cuz I'm too fat, but rather cuz I'm too unhealthy. But Atkins has diagrams and charts and whatnot of how much you should lose by what day of the program, according to how much you already weigh etc etc, so I'm getting paranoid about being behind in the program. Though I don't think I am. I've caught glimpses of myself in mirrors and noticed a small change, my clothes have become a little loose... but I could just be "thinking thin", power of suggestion stuff. The thing I need to be careful of (and don't laugh) is turning from atkins to anorexia. Right now my body is tricked into thinking it's starving, so it's eating itself. Over the weekend I didn't eat much, I went from 5am saturday to 11pm saturday without eating, then what I did eat wasn't much, and then I didn't eat again till sunday night. I wasn't even hungry. My stomach didn't rumble until I had eaten a little, then it was like "oh yeah, this is what I'm supposed to do..." The same thing has been goin on yesterday and today. No breakfast, no lunch, normal atkins sized dinner then I eat another meal later instead of a snack... when one of the main rules of atkins is not to go 6 hours without eating. The last two days realy weren't my fault. I threw up a couple times yesterday and have been a victim of vertigo since. Seems I'm allergic to fiber supplements. Go figure. I was at work for 45 mins yesterday and didn't go at all today. I'll be making up hours though. As for the acquired eating disorder threat, it's very easy to switch over from atkins to an e.d.. I have caught myself thinking unhealthily, shit like "Well if my body is burning its own fat, if I stop eating fat and just eat protein, then my body should eat more of its own fat..." or "If I start taking laxitives, I'll get all the fat out of my body sooner..." yucky. Onto a different topic, I was complaining in the last entry abotu me getting a job and eric getting a truck, and he said "But you can have the Lumina" etc... well he had to take the truck into the dealership already cuz the lock on the driver's side broke. Actually the bar that's part of the lock mechanism fell off. Nice craftsmanship there, eh? THEN he calls me to pick him up at work and drop him off to get the truck from the shop and the lumina won't start. And it sounds and looks like it's more than the serpentine belt needing to be replaced. and it's going to be expensive as hell to fix, and we wont have the money till friday, maybe, thats if it doesnt cost that much to fix. glad I got a job and no way to get there....


Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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About Me
I am a bipolar genius, child abuse & addiction survivor, who is now a single mother who works 70 hours a week and has had gastric-bypass weight loss surgery a year ago. Wish me luck cuz I need it!!!

Examples of My Insanity
Dead On Mental Health Quiz
Tuna Noodle Casserole Story
Explaining Myselves
Biting Off Redneck's Finger
Got So Crazy Scratched Til I Bled
How I Found Nirvana
Leaving Lon After 7 Years
Bad Luck On 3 July 4ths
Random Craziness (FBI Please Disregard)
How I Ended Up A Junky
Almost Getting Raped by a Marine
Typical Weekend in Ohio
How Cobain Saved My Life


How long could we maintain? I wondered. How long until one of us starts raving and jabbering at this boy? What will he think then? This same lonely desert was the last known home of the Manson family; will he make that grim connection when my attorney starts screaming about bats and huge manta rays coming down on the car? If so, well, we'll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere, 'cause it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outback Nazi law enforcement agency and they'll run us down like dogs. Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


AFTER


WHAT'S MY NAME?!?