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Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?

A: Both of them.

Q: Why did the man cross the road?

A: He heard the chicken was a slut.

Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?

A: They don't have time.

Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?

A: They don't stop and ask for directions.

Q: What do men and sperm have in common?

A: They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

Q: How does a man show that he is planning for the future?

A: He buys two cases of beer.

Q: What is the difference between men and government bonds?

A: The bonds mature!

Q: Why are blonde jokes so short?

A: So men can remember them.

Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

A: We don't know; it has never happened.

Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?

A: A widow.

Q: When do you care for a man's company?

A: When he owns it.

Q: Why are married women heavier than single women?

A: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Q: How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?

A: His hand caught fire.

Q: How do you get a man to do sit-ups?

A: Put the remote control between his toes.

Q: What did God say after creating man?

A: "I must be able to do better than that."

Q: What did God say after creating Eve?

A: "Practice makes perfect."

Q: What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?

A: They're married.

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"

God says: "So you would love her."

"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"

God says: "So she would love you.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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