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Last night was the first night of the haunted house where I've wished the time would go by faster, that the end of the night would come sooner. It started with an 8 story stair climb at the NASA Space Center tour I went on earlier that day. Eric got the tickets for free at work a couple months ago, it was nice he wanted to take me and not hold off and wait to take his next whore. Anyway, my knees didn't start to feel like jello until the 5th or 6th floor, so all the stair climbing at Sharpstown has paid off somewhat. They didn't really hurt until about 11:30 last night. There was pretty much a continuous stream of people through the house all night. I wasn't getting glasses back quickly enough. When all my glasses are in use that means there are 300 people in my area, which means it's very crowded, unsafe, and probably a fire hazard. They had the same dufus in my closet as they had Friday night. A six foot 2 pudgie flamer that puts Jack's showboating to shame. The only thing interesting about him is the irony of him coming out of the closet a thousand times a night. I had problems with him Friday, but nothing like last night. We were much busier than Friday, most people are at footballs games then (it's Texas, remember...). My first problem was that the guy is too outgoing, too overboard. He's only supposed to open the swinging doors, still holding the handles, scream at the customers and close the doors. He completely leaves the closet, jumps, runs at the groups. The groups run into/over me. I get slammed into a wall. Not good. I tell him a million times to not come out so far. His job is to scare people out of the room, not to stand there and perform tricks for them.... He stays out of the closet far too long. He was also running back through the closet into the next person's scene and scaring them there, basically stealing that person's scare. When he'd do this he'd leave the closet doors open and ruin the next three scenes for the customers and crew. I brought the co-owner, 2nd in charge back in there to observe him and he talked with him and told him to settle down. Didn't work.... Then I got my break. Break for me is pointless, I�m so far from the break area that I lose one third of break time just getting there and back. Then when I do get back all hell has broken loose in my room. I have to hand cardboard 3D glasses to every customer. I have to keep them moving, cuz they wanna stop to put the glasses on, then they wanna look around my room, then they wanna talk to their friends, look at how their shoes/clothes/teeth/nails look under blacklight, etc etc. I'm also responsible for making sure I have enough glasses. Technically this isn't my responsibility, a security person is supposed to bring me the glasses from the end of the house. It takes all of 30 seconds to walk there and back to get them, but I can't leave my scene or I'll miss groups. In between groups, or in the beginning of the night as I'm waiting for groups to get to my scene, I arrange the glasses. I get them all going long ways on my desk. I only have 250 to 400 pair of glasses. We have 3,000 people through the house per night. Once low on glasses I tell a security guard, or find one, to get me glasses. Some of them are better than others, they come by every 15 minutes and check. Though I can go through a full bin of glasses in 5 minutes when we�re swamped. Some guys will walk by, see my box is almost empty and NOT get glasses. They'll say "I walked by, you didn't ask..." But then when I started to ask them to get glasses they�d get bitchy and defensive "You don't have to tell me to do my job...I was going to get you glasses." So last night all the possible problems happened at the same time and I ended up flipping out on the dude in the closet. I got back from break and there were three security guards, the dude in the closet, the reliever who covered for me while on break and two roamers in my room. The dude had broken the handle of the closet door (cuz he's so over-the-top). He could have finished the night without it, the door can be closed without it. Instead he saw it as his opportunity to do my job, which he'd mentioned many times he would like to have. People don't realize all the shit I gotta put up with. I don't even get to scare people. So I kicked out the unneeded people from my room. People like to come and get lazy in there, there're too many flat surfaces good for plopping down on. There was one guy inside the closet fixing it while we continued to let people through. I was out of glasses. The reliever hadn't bunched any together. Like I said at the beginning of the night I prepare them nicely, they're organized. Then when I get the glasses back they're all tangled up (not to mention fucken wet nasty with sweat and who only knows what else). I can't pull them out of the crate fast enough to hand them out that way. I have to have a pile in my hand, somewhat organized pile, and deal them out like cards. When I get back from every break my stockpile of semi-organized glasses is gone and the crate is almost empty. So this break was even more hectic, with the broken door and homo stealing my spot. Fine, whatever I needed to go get more glasses cuz for some reason there're three security guys in my room and I have no glasses... I walk back to the end where the box of glasses is and there's a security guard sitting on the table. There are two overflowing boxes of glasses beside him. He says "You can't be out of glasses?!" I said "If these boxes are full then my box is empty." I got back to my scene and the line was stopped because of no glasses. The dude was dancing or some shit. Because I'm the �fastest glasses sorter in the west� I let him keep handing them out as I piled them up. We got the room cleared out and he unhappily went back into his closet. About 15 minutes later he came back out to try to help me hand out glasses again. He takes glasses out of the bin and starts doing my job. Not only that but he's doing it horribly wrong, and slow.... My job is to hand them glasses and get them the fuck out of there asap. Really we have to be breaking all sorts of fire codes. We have alarms and extinguishers, but even the one in my room I wouldn�t be able to get to it from where I am with the 100 stampeding cattle trying to get out of the barn.... This jerk was all kinds of pissing me off. Finally I flipped "Dude, I don't need your help anymore" He doesn't take the hint "Give me the glasses" He's not budging. He's talking to the customers... which is a big no-no.... I say "Tell them to put on the fucking glasses!" We don't have time to explain the physics of 3D to the throwbacks ok... you give em the glasses and get them the fuck outta the room.... Well douchebag thinks I told a customer to put on his fucking glasses, not what I really said which was to him. Though I've sworn at customers before, I hadn't at that time, and I wouldn't swear in an instance like that. He tells me he's telling the owner and I'm gonna get fired cuz he's been there so long yadda yadda... I really hate when people throw their amount of experience around, cuz length of time means jack squat compared to talent... so that was the last straw "You need to get the fuck out of my room right now, get the fuck back in the closet" he's still whining... "GET THE FUCK BACK IN YOUR CLOSET!" A customer echoes me "Yeah, get the fuck back in the closet!" The rest of the night he didn't come out too far cuz he was smart enough to figure out I woulda turned him into a VERY realistic looking prop. Later on he started shit again. I'd brought a silly hat that Eric bought last Halloween. It's a huge cat-in-the-hat type thing, it's stuffed animal looking. Got a fluorescent green head, with one eye, teeth and tongue hanging out. It's got purple hair. It's really funny. You'd see someone at a Phish show wearing it. I thought it'd look cool under black light, turns out the green didn't show so only the eye and teeth glowed. I stuck in on a dummy the scene after my room. When the lights came on I went to get the hat and it wasn't there. Gee I wonder who had it... there's no way a customer could have reached it. Also the dude has total access to it through the back of the closet, the closet connects all the scenes in my area. I got out to the exit asap before he left with it. After a few minutes I saw another guy wearing it, I took it off his head. he said "Oh is that yours?" acting all innocent... I was wearing the hat the whole time before the house opened, everyone knew it was my hat. I didn't even say anything and he continues "Someone said they'd found it and asked if I wanted it." I said "Who?" he looked scared and said "I don't know, I can't... um.. remember..." meanwhile his eyes go right to the dude in my closet. Seriously needs to learn how to lie. I talked to the co-owner second in command guy about getting someone different in my closet. Me changing scenes isn't an option, no one can do my spot, they don't wanna even try it he said. he also said that the dude in my closet is very good in that spot (no, he isn't) and he's been with them for 8 years (the dude is like 18 if that and hasn't worked for them the last two years...) so basically I was SOL. Then I remembered the owner, head guy had a check for me to pay me back for the blood I made etc. I talked to him about the whole night, leaving out the lame hat stealing and dumb shit, and he was pissed off that none of my complaints made it up the ladder to him. He had no idea all those problems were happening. he said he wanted the dude to stay in my closet but he'd definitely get him to STAY in there, to not chase customers, to not showboat, to not run through other people's scenes. He was pretty pissed when I told him about the dude trying to steal my spot, and the fact he was ruining scares for other actors. If shit is still fucked up tonight I�m gonna tell him I want an extra 50 cents an hour. Previous years he had a security guard doing glasses. They get paid $9 an hour. Returning actors get $7.50. I make $6.50 and I'm doing FAR more than any actor, returning or newbie, plus I should be considered experienced to begin with. I am definitely more talented, and I don't even get to scare people. I probably have the shittiest job in the house. It wouldn�t be bad if things would go right; if I'd have glasses when I need them, if people wouldn't hang out in my room, if security would help me out, if dumbass cockgobblers would stay in the fucking closet. They need to stop hiring high schoolers.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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