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Finally got the computer put together today. I had to take it apart and disconnect everything and shove it into a corner in order to get the bedroom set up. I laid the carpet for my mom and put the bed together. Things are still shitty here. I managed to reinjur my foot I think by carrying around very heavy boxes of books. We all went bowling today, (I've been reduced to bowling for crissakes!); first game I got a 26, second game my foot loosened up and I got a 130 sooemthing. My cousin Mandy, who was in Saturday leagues practically her whole life, got a 177 and a 200 somethiing. I did the Saturday thing one year but couldn't afford the $1.35 weekly dues after that. That one year someone in church sponsored me I think. Anyway, bowling was cool even not stoned (though my foot and elbow (joint defect remember) hurt pretty badly and I fell down one time by smacking the ball into the back of my knee, don't ask). I've also seen Bad Santa twice since being here. Dair ain't much a do round deez parts.... On New Years Eve one of the only two black dudes in the bar kissed me at midnight and then after that people kept bumping into me and saying "nigger-lover" or "does your mamma fuck niggers too". Real nice people around here. Had a decent NYE dinner with my moom and gramma, they kept the mental illness stuff subdued and there were actually no arguments though the conversation on the way back was pretty fucked up. "Did you know that heather is claiming many of her problems in her adult life come from how Sue (her mom) never was around when she was a child?" says my mom. My gramma says "Ya know, Kelly (hottie cousin currently employed by King Diamond as tour photographer)and some of the other grandchildren (gram rolls eyes in my direction) say the same things, I don't know why they can't take responsibility for their own lives..." my mom says "They make it seem like we were such horrible parents" my gramma says "You can't blame yoruself for how your children turn out." WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!!!! I was locked in a basement for 16 hours a day during the summers... me and Prett were left overnight at some mafia dude;s house until my dad could pay off his gambling debt... they continued to let our cousin babysit us even after my brother said he forced him to suck his dick... HELLO PEOPLE... and my cousin's stories may not contain sexual assault but leaving an 8 yr old alone for a whole weekend isnt too responsible either, what the fucken fuck.... At least Heather is being responsible and blaming herself for Britt getting molested, she's not copping out to the rest of the families attitudes. Seriously the least mental of the family is my gramma, who used to call me by my dead grampa's name when I moved in with her after his funeral. Even my great-uncle who was blinded, blackened and slightly retarded at birth cuz his mom had some kind of VD when she gave birth, even HE'S less fucked in the head than the rest of the family. Yet the first thing out of my mom's mouth is "You need to go back to therapy and you need to start taking medicine..." yeah that's all i fucken need, more goddamned drugs... riiiight. I'm just fine with my mood swings, I'm high as a kite on Saturday and Sunday, crashing on Wednesday... it's predictable. She's quick to tell other people that they need psychiatric help but she's perfectly sane herself. That's why everyone around her has been driven to madness. But enough of this nonsense, let me talk abotu the good news, well hopefully it stays that way there are still two days for this to get fucked up. Anyway my mom took Prett into a lawyer yesterday. Prett said "I'd like to file bankruptcy before I move to Texas" Lawyer looked at what Prett owes and to whom and he said "Don't bother filing, just move." He went on to say the judge that does bakruptcies here is called "Darth Vadar" and likes the nickname, he said that theyd have Prett do a chapter 13, where theyd set up payment plans or get someone to manage his money for him and he'd be given an allowance... he said something about $290 a month for 5 years, not too bad but it is when you're only making $8 an hour and living somewhere very expensive like NY, he also said Texas has so many laws that it'd cost the companies more to track down and sue prett than what he owes them. he sorta siad the same for me but I owe more and to national companies who may already have rights to texas (whatever that means Im not sure but it sounded like companies would need something from the state of texas OKing them to take my possessions/garnish my wages etc), he also said that they can never ever ever touch my taxes. All good news to me though I still plan on filing my bankruptcy asap. Anyway Preston asked Aunt Sue if he could ride down to Sanford (North of Orlando by 20 mins) with them then I'd come to pick him up the weekend of the 10th and 11th. FUCKEN SWEET!!! (As I said to Eric on msn chat a little while ago "I finally got peeps, well... PEEP anyway!" and Er said "I wanna give a shout out to my peep!" ok it was funny when it happened). So hopefully my aunt doesnt get a burr up her ass and hopefully my mom doesnt put one in there for her and she takes Prett down there. Prett owes her $1500 and she (and everyone else) think Prett is gonna move down there and start fucking off again. He's fucking off now but that's OK I guess.... See my mom wants him to move back in with her. Rick will be getting a tractor trailer job soon and wont be here much to complain about Prett, also he and my mom broke up and the house is still in my mom's name so she can have Prett move in if she wants. She takes his whole paycheck plus makes a tab, invites you out to dinner then charghes you for it, exaggerates all the bills. My bro lived with her for three months and owed her a grand plus he was working and giving her his whole check... but she claiimed she was sending $$ to aunt sue for him, which didnt happen. Prett really could get his shit together living with me, mostly cuz I'd only charge him $200 plus cable to stay with me, where everyone here would charge him $400 or more, and also Texas is sooooo fucking cheap compared to NY. I think it relieved Eric some. He mentioned wanting me to stay in NY. I guess I've been a burden but I didn't plan for it to happen like this. He dropped his cell phone in apuddle so I "offered" to give him mine back, then I'd have to get a land line and long distance, both bills I didnt want in my name, didnt want the responsibility for right away, also I want a cell phone plus I dont know if I can afford the depsoits for both of those, fuck electricty was a $140 deposit... he's thinking of other phone plans that may or may not include an extra line for me, also suggested I look into the pre-pay minutes or a no credit check phone plan for myself. I dont know about that shit. Maybe just get road runner and cable then warez some phone dialing software for free ld calls through the web. Prett could figure that shit out for me. I dont want to stretch myself out too much, finding and keeping a job, startign school... all the money worries... it's just what was going on when I started using and I'm pretty sure that you end up with the same kind of cake if you use the same kind of ingredients... but I said to Eric that the word independant doesn't have a "you" in it and if I wanna make it without help of a Y chromosome then I better just roll with the punches and all that other happy horse shit. After the first couple months I wont have to charge Prett anything for rent except what he spends on food and utilities, then I'll ask to be moved into a 2 bedroom and he can get put on the lease. He needs to live in TX for 6 mos before he files his bankruptcy but I'm gonna fill out his paperwork the same time I do mine. Anyway I have another good thign to talk about. (Am I boring? I bet I am.) I had a dream that they let me be in the Strokes to fill in while their bassist's wrist healed cuz he'd broken it. It's more involved than that but I already wrote it all down on paper this morning. I also woke up humming a song I'd written in my sleep, I cant remember all the words but it's pretty cool. It kinda went along with the dream, being part of the show cuz my band was opening for the strokes before they invited me to go on tour with them, then with hanging out and talking to them the bassist with the hurt hand gets a crush on me but I like Julian the best (cuz he's a dirty crazy pothead loser just like me) and they fight over me sort of but I settle things, so the song lyrics I remember are "I'm fucken part of the show" the word fucking meant for emphasis, I guess it'd be an adjective there. Then the other line "I'm fucking part of the band." fucking as a verb there, cuz I was fucking part of the band in my dream lol... but that part's a little abstract. I got other lyrics floatiing around in my noodle. I also woke up with the very Strokey bassline and chord prog. I wrote it down best I could but have no guitar to test it out on. Who knows. I dont think the dream woudl ever happen cuz compared to their usual opening act, I have um talent... better lyrics than "Summer in the city means cleavage cleavage cleavage" while banging a drum stick on a miked drum case and holy shit that bitch has a record deal, my spoken word garbage is better than that shit, where's my advance, where's my full of shit producer?? Mental note, mp3.com changed to a paying bullshit site I need to get all my "music" off there and onto disk. I need sleep and I got the comp on the floor so my back is hurting, plus my snuggle time with Boggy is coming to an end. Took him to the vet for shots and they said he's lost 15 pounds this year, he's down to 40. I've been feeding him sausages and prime rib and Pudgiesa amd all sorts of goodies since Ive been here. Maybe it'll do him some good.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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