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BEFORE
redifined job search
01.16.04 2:58 p.m.
I�m writing this in word cuz the keyboard�s still messed up and it�ll be easier to fix the skipped keys that way. It�s weird not having the little white dland box to type in. So anyway, things took a turn for the better. First off I wanna say that my mood swings have escalated, I don�t know if it�s due to stress, change in diet or change in THC consumption, prolly all three. It�s really irritating me though, and I�m sure Prett and Eric feel the same. I haven�t smoked regularly since before I left for NY, and that�s when I stopped doing Aktins too. I�ve gained back about 10 pounds also but I can�t afford atkins right now even tho my food stamps came in. Another sort-of positive development is that Eric agreed to loan me a months rent if I give him the Jagstang as collateral. This kinda freaked me out cuz the Jagstang has seen the inside of a pawn shop on many occasions, and it only leads to more similarities in my life now and my life two januarys ago. Prett talked some sense into me during one of my fits saying that I was so much worse 2 years ago and even tho I�m putting 50 cents worth of gas in at a time and all that crap I�m still not as (in his words) �skuzzy and flea-ridden�, also he talked of my apartment and furniture being nicer than then, and the car is nicer, and that I�ve always been poor and could never pay my bills or keep track of a checking account even before the junk and that I got �spoiled and soft living with Eric�, but most importantly he suggested I have much more potential (which is prolly the thing I most value) than I did. Right now this all sounds like common sense, but when I�m looking at the world through a muddy film called depression, common sense isn�t very prevalent.
I came over to Eric�s to redo my resumes. One of the temp agencies that took one sent me a post card saying they didn�t specialize in placements of my career field. First off, I didn�t know I even had a career field, secondly most of the jobs I�ve applied for through the Houston Chronicle job site have been for that temp agency. So I redid my resume, broke it down into better organized, separate resumes catered to different fields: child care, teaching and office crap. Speaking of catering, David, the dude at karaoke who has blueberry nuggs sometimes, he gave me a job lead for catering. I�ll have to fudge that resume/experience by saying I worked at my mom�s restaurant and fake my way through the hiring process but really they can just take a look at big me and see I�m qualified to handle food (unless they think I might sneak off and eat it all�). Cindy also gave me a lead for a company that does market research studies (like what Cindy does). I haven�t called these places yet, it took me hours to redo the resumes and upload them as text only documents to the chron jobs website. I got Eric to photocopy the new resumes at his job so I can take them to places. I figure I�m gonna plan out a driving route for this, looking through the yellow pages and getting addresses for pre-schools, adult ed centers, copy stores (like Kinkos) and temp agencies. Then I�ll group them by area and hit the streets (fucked up foot and all). This was my plan for today but right now I�ve got a headache from fucking with the computer all damn day, plus I haven�t eaten yet, and I�m covered in cat hair. I�ll take the weekend to get laundry done and get the companies looked up and the routes mapped and hopefully I�ll be top of my game on Monday. I think coffee would be a good thing, it triggers my mania, which helps me think clearer and have more self-confidence (however exaggerated it may be). Riht now I�m going to get groceries. Cindy and Luis are having a cookout tonight, which most likely means coke is on the menu, I hate that shit. It's been pouring all day, rain like youll only see in Houston, so maybe the whole thing will be cancelled. If not then maybe I won't go. I wish I could say no to free drugs, obviously I wasn't paying attention to all that Nancy Reagan crap in elementary school.
Always remember to quit while you're ahead.
I am a bipolar genius, child abuse & addiction survivor, who is now a single mother who works 70 hours a week and has had gastric-bypass weight loss surgery a year ago. Wish me luck cuz I need it!!!
Examples of My Insanity
Dead On Mental Health Quiz
Tuna Noodle Casserole Story
Explaining Myselves
Biting Off Redneck's Finger
Got So Crazy Scratched Til I Bled
How I Found Nirvana
Leaving Lon After 7 Years
Bad Luck On 3 July 4ths
Random Craziness (FBI Please Disregard)
How I Ended Up A Junky
Almost Getting Raped by a Marine
Typical Weekend in Ohio
How Cobain Saved My Life
How long could we maintain? I wondered. How long until one of us starts raving and jabbering at this boy? What will he think then? This same lonely desert was the last known home of the Manson family; will he make that grim connection when my attorney starts screaming about bats and huge manta rays coming down on the car? If so, well, we'll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere, 'cause it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outback Nazi law enforcement agency and they'll run us down like dogs. Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?
AFTER
WHAT'S MY NAME?!?