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things are interesting now. he's not as psycho as I thought/hoped... which turns out to be a good thing. I still think I'm the saneR one though. I spend almost every night over there and my brother's getting pretty pissed off. He's lonely, said he coulda stayed lonely in NY. Once I get paid thursday then he'll have gas for the car and can go out looking for jobs, even tho that's not what he wants, he wants to grow stuff in our closet... yeah. I'm typing at work and it's weird cuz big brother definitely always is watching here, and their cameras are powerful enough to zoom in on the screen, everything is recorded, there are cams and mics everywhere. It's funny when I call Harlan cuz he'll start talking about things and I'll have to say "I'd like to remind you that when calling from work all conversations are recorded" before he says anything more that might get me in trouble. I have had a few people on the phone admitting to being "way too stoned for this survay"... pretty funny, have to be stoned or lonely to take one, I think. My job is going pretty well although I was out sick saturday, and late today cuz I squirted 50 cents worth of gas all over my pants on my way in and went back home to wash and change. Saturday I missed work cuz I had complications with that emergency contraceptive I had to take and it caused me to start a new cycle right away only this one's much worse and reminds me of when my ovary "errupted" back in `97. Pretty fucked up. Besides the constant period, I haven't been eating hardly at all. Seems that working atkins AND anorexia at the same time will make you lose more weight than working either one alone. I'll only eat atkins OK food, but I rarely get a chance to so I go hungry. When it gets so bad I drink some water, which I dont seem to be peeing out that much either come to think of it, anyway the water usually makes the tummy shut up for a while. Sometime we get leftover hors d'ouvres from work to munch on so I grab all the non-pepper flavored cheese I can get. It seems that I'm now the resident paper writer for the employees in college, starts with one and then it snow balls. No prob, hopefully, though remembering an MLA standard bibliography is not something I wanna spend time away from Harlan doing. So back to Harlan, we've been talking more, got into a couple "arguments" this weekend. Sat was his birthday, I've been irritable to begin with, plus the not getting laid thing, then his crackhead friends hanging out all the time, and then more people showed up during the dinner I made... I thought it was pretty rude. Then sometimes I feel I'm being taken advantage of, cuz I am too fucking nice to people, especially to sexy guys that are a blast to be with and that tell all their friends that I'm the best fuck ever. I feel like courtney love with that last remark, but it's not all bad. This is definitely different, exciting... I keep on having to remind him that I don't know how to act in a relationship, even tho he says that's not what we have yet he said today "why don't you get yer old man a glass of grape juice while yer up" I laughed and laughed and he was like "aight, lemme have it..." This morning during the morning smoke break on the weather channel the dude was talking about weather in the north east usa and then they change dude's and the second one goes "and speaking of paraguay" and starts to give the weather for south america. NO ONE was speaking of paraguay, who the hell speaks of paraguay, ya know? What kinda segway was that? We kept bringing it up all morning: "Speaking of Paraguay, what time do you need to be at work this morning?" "Well as long as we're speaking of paraguay, at 12:30" Maybe you had to be there. I was talking about our arguments at some point back up there... Saturday night I said something about hsi crackhead friends always coming around and he got pissed, I also said something short about him spending too much on beer and other items which he blurred into me calling him a crackhead... he told me to get the fuck out (touchy touchy) and I refused to go. Pretty bold but it worked and he finally calmed down enough to let me talk myself out of the mess. Same thing happened Sunday but it wasn't that bad, just that he's afraid to fuck me cuz of him being allergic to the nonoxaline-9 spermicdal whateverthehell stuff, so I go over there every night, watch him drink beer and play video games with him sort of, then it's time for head and bed... so not cool... I dont know. I got an appointment on friday to see about something else. Glad to have money coming so I can take care of some things. I need to get my taxes in. Eric is able to claim me but seems hesitant to do so, which is stupid in my opinion cuz I cant see any reason why it wouldnt affect his return positively. I made 1700 last year and paid 80 in taxes so it's no big deal for me to change how I file. I need to go, dinner break is over, whoopity do.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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