Defining Moments of My Life
a denial

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a denial
03.15.04 4:49 p.m.

Things arent going so well, very hard being the "subsevient", for anyone who knows me, they should understand what it's like for me being "someone's bitch". Though it's not THAT bad with Harlan, it is pretty close. He's flip-floppy, not as bad as Eric was but still one day Harlan talks of me getting out of my lease, moving in, asking if I'm on birth control and things like that... then one day he's telling me maybe it's not so smart for me to be hanging around him.... The days when he tries to "force" me out, it's more of a low self-esteem thing I think, he repeats "I'm just going to hurt you and ruin your life like everyone else's..." I don't know, paranoid about whether he even cares about me, cuz he only said that I Love You in a round-a-bout drunken way once, but there are small things that show he cares, and then there are more examples for him not caring, I don't know. I'm really sick of trying like this, and the problems just compound the guilt and overall "badness" with what I did to/with Lon. I wonder if it'll ever be like that again, that good, I don't know. I shouldnt be getting into shit like this at work. I need to start eating more and taking care of myself better... one of these days.


Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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About Me
I am a bipolar genius, child abuse & addiction survivor, who is now a single mother who works 70 hours a week and has had gastric-bypass weight loss surgery a year ago. Wish me luck cuz I need it!!!

Examples of My Insanity
Dead On Mental Health Quiz
Tuna Noodle Casserole Story
Explaining Myselves
Biting Off Redneck's Finger
Got So Crazy Scratched Til I Bled
How I Found Nirvana
Leaving Lon After 7 Years
Bad Luck On 3 July 4ths
Random Craziness (FBI Please Disregard)
How I Ended Up A Junky
Almost Getting Raped by a Marine
Typical Weekend in Ohio
How Cobain Saved My Life


How long could we maintain? I wondered. How long until one of us starts raving and jabbering at this boy? What will he think then? This same lonely desert was the last known home of the Manson family; will he make that grim connection when my attorney starts screaming about bats and huge manta rays coming down on the car? If so, well, we'll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere, 'cause it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outback Nazi law enforcement agency and they'll run us down like dogs. Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


AFTER


WHAT'S MY NAME?!?