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I'm at Eric's doing laundry, we're on halfway decent talking terms. I hope he doesnt think I'm scamming him or anything, I'm only trying to get what he said he'd give me when we "broke up". The car is falling the way of my last lumina, and there's no way I'm going to put it into my name and be financially responsible for it until it's safe to drive and in halfway decent working order. I would like to keep him as a friend -as much as Jamie (his girlfriend) will let me- just for the fact that I've known him the longest in Texas, and I really dont know anyone else, plus he knows a lot about me and can give good objective advice/be someone to talk to. Plus I really fucken miss my kitties, Ive lost too many cats in my day... but anyway I got stuff to talk about not to cry about so lets switch subjects.

My tummy is hurting right now cuz I ate a huge ass fucking salad, wait, no the salad doesnt literally ass-fuck people (leave it to a new yorker to use the word "fuck" inappropriately)... but anyway... italian blend salad greens with cheddar and bacon and cucumber and tomato and caesar dressing hell yeah! I like how I listed the bacon and cheddar before the veggies, word, still a phatgrrl at heart. And speaking of, I've hit the 75 pound mark, thats how much Ive lost since June. Mostly due to atkins, some of it due to anorexia/not eating enough, and some due to the partying and sexing it up with Harlan, but really 100% of it is due to me. I got pretty hyped up when I saw myself in Eric's wall of mirrors earlier, I've been checking myself out somewhat in mirrors recently but not in a full body length ones, plus Im wearing jeans that Ive owned for like 5 years now, the ones with the butterflies going down the sides, and theyre hanging off me, only wearing em cuz its laundry day and I only own 2 pair of pants that sorta fit and sorta look right on me. I look droopy and melty, like I hold my arm out and it's got that turkey neck thingy goin on, but if I cover that part up or only look at my arm, like where my muscles are, thats damn sexy. My legs I really cant do that with them, but I can see the definition underneath it all. My "pouch" is nearly gone and again like the arms, the abs are there, not as noticable as the biceps but I'm doing sit ups, I can do 22, 25 if you count the last three half assed ones in the set. I look really good in jeans when everything is all tucked away ina proper place, but I feel even uglier when naked, it's like I'm wearing a deflating fat suit that I need to take off. I guess that's what it's exactly like...!

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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