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Had a 20 minute phone convo with Harlan tonight. My mom was taking FAR too long in the grocery store "getting cherries" (and milk and bread and cucumbers and hair ties and watermelon and chicken and eggs and...). I was waiting for 9pm for me to call him on the cell, it was 9:15, we'd been in the store a half hour so I went out front to where the expensive patio furniture is on sale, plopped down on a very comfortable hammok thingy and called Harlan. I'd sent him a letter and some postcards etc in that package Monday. I dont know why I'm still nice to him, you'd think the way I talk that my enemies would be anihilated as soon as their first offense. I don't know why I don't get the revenge I really want, but I guess the whole keeping your enemies close thing pertains, or the "kill them with kindness" thing I'm so good at doing, or else my concept that a long happy life is the best revenge, I guess it's all of those things. But really, he sincerely feels bad for what happened, it's not like he's the only one who commited a wrong... I drove my car through his house... yes it wasn't intentional, I did mean to crash into the wall but it was a suicide attempt and I can't help it if the bricks were all rotted from the Houston weather and the car went through them, instead of me going through the windshield into the bricks (as if I can be killed, or hurt really. So I do feel bad for fucking up hsi living arrangements, his landlord hiked up his rent and also made him pay for the wall. He should have made me pay for it but neither of them made a claim against my insurance and it was an unspoken agreement between Harlan and I that I didn't get the police involved, he'd pay the damages to the wall. I came out on top though cuz he coulda called the cops on me for the whole incident.... The amount of the wall equals the amount of money my bank account was "missing"... and my hospital bills don't even come close ($1,100 I think) to any of the inconvenience I may have caused him. Anyway that's all past....

He said he missed me. He also admitted that he hasn't finished reading the letter, it didn't rain where he was working today so there wasn't much down time for him to read. It's supposed to rain every day for the next week though. He said the psych stuff I sent seemed confusing "Too many big words, Jo, you know I didn't finish school... You'll have to go over this with me this weekend." So really, how stupid would it be to get back together with him further down the road? No... it's wishful thinking, once something is OK then it's always OK. People get stuck in patterns, I think that's why I kinda gave up on fixing things with Lon, cuz it might not be different this time... or it would start out different but the patterns would emerge again, we'd revert, I'd be too controlling yet out of control, and he'd let me. I don't know though, I've never had a second chance at anything. I don't just burn my bridges, I send paratroopers gliding in behind enemy lines to blow the fucken things up before the big invasion....

Saw my dad today. I picked him up a sixer of labatt bottles, he drank that and 2 leftover from the one he started a half hour before I got there. While I was there, two hours, he had 8 bottles. (fucken dog just jumped on me, hard to type with a sheepdog on your lap!) Anyway, every time my dad got up and went inside to get another beer my step-mom would start talking about my step-bro... how much money he makes, what a nice car he has, "oh you didn't know he has kids... two of the most darling, well behaved, cute angels... I have pictures right here, oh and here's a recent one of Punk" (she hands me a pic of him lookin pretty good, still just like present Dave Grohl, with no shirt on, muscles and abs all ripply...) She said last week he went out with some guys he's just gettin to know at work, bar, then strip club, then motel coke party "two towns over"... he ended up having to walk to some bar and calling her for a ride cuz he'd left his car at work and rode with the guys. He left when the crack showed up.... She says he's been having that problem a lot, he used to party a shit load like me and he's having a hard time finding SOME fun, but not so much fun... same here. My problem is that I have a hard time distinguishing between FUN and TROUBLE. But trouble usually ends up being fun, and I'm so good at being bad... I have never failed to fail... to quote Kurt again "I'm worst at what I do best". Anyway, it's going to eb interesting to see what develops with Punk. He's always been mad cool to be around, I'd have to see how it feels once he and I meet up, if it's creepy or whatever.

I got the Jagstang back from Rossi's today. The one guy, not the owner with the Morrissey hairdo, asked for my number so we could do some bootleg trading... yeah I've heard that line three times already. He fixed her up pretty good though, real impressed with the duncan cool rails I got in there. He fucked with the bridge so that it stays in tune better. I'll have to take in the Terminator and see what he can do with that, it's missing a tuning peg, the bridge and the tail piece... it picks up trucker CBs and hockey games from canada still though (don't ask). OK It's 10:30 and my mom just asked me to go fill up the van with gas. I guess I should seeing I ran it down a quarter tank today.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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