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Well last night did not turn out well. Before the movie I ran into walmart to get some sugar-free "atkins ok" candy. I ended up eating a bag of gummy bears and 5 miniature reese's cups. I totally forgot what happens when you eat so much sugar-free candy, let's just say it is NOT pretty. After much tums and darvs I thought it was safe to venture out. I had been writhing in pain while net-chatting with Daniel and then Janet. My mom's ex-fiance Rick came home from a gig he had at a graduation party. (School just let out here, traditionally harvest is later up here so the school calander is different than most states) I had turned off the computer, they're both still touchy about when and how long I'm online. He asked if I wanted to go out to this one club to see a band. Might as well, the stomach wasn't hurting AS BADLY and I figured it'd take my mind off of it, WRONG. First of all, if I'm gonna be in serious pain then I should be alone so I can deal with it in my own hypno-trance Lakota medicine room kinda way, not faking smiles while Rick introduces to me to every damn sleezeball in the place, I felt like I was an offering, meanwhile about 15 decent looking younger than my parents age guys walk up to him and say hello and he doesnt introduce me to them not that I can say anything anyway cuz I think that if I open my mouth I'll either vomit or scream. I lasted about an hour and then Rick could tell I was hurting ("Why haven't you finished your drink? Oh your stomach must really be hurting..." that and the fact that the bartender gave me a whole glass of Jack with little to no diet coke in it, usually it would be fine with me but straight alcohol on top of all the maltitol -sugar alcohol- from the candy wasn't a good combo). He dropped me off back here, I puked my guts out and climbed into bed. By that time the half a glass of Jack and the 6 darvocets had me in full-tilt-motion....

So today is my cousin Mandy's birthday party. Every year they throw a bbq amd strawberry shortcake social, half the town shows up (half the town means 100 people LOL) for it. Horshoes and little kids with squirt guns.... I'm feeling better physically, and also have been feeling better, not so lethal, around that side of the family, when I saw the cousin that molested me (birthday girl's brother) I didn't picture him bleeding or begging for his pathetic life or anything like that, so maybe some healing has happened that I wasn't aware of, or maybe my laser beams of blame and hate have targeted someone else. Realistically I've grown apathetic toward the whole thing, as Carlos would say "Life happens." Or something like that. anyway, I'm not even going to try to pretend I'm back on atkins for this party thing today. Strawberries are my weakness. They could put me ont he rack and I'd like it, they could flog me on live international TV for spitting on the sidewalk and I'd say "Thank you sir, may I have another!" but if they put a bowl of strawberries in my face, especially with shortcake and whipped creme... I'd fold like a lawn chair. Besides, after what I went through last night, I'm not putting anything low-carb in my stomach today.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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