Defining Moments of My Life
tonight and last night

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tonight and last night
07.24.04 1:24 a.m.

I took these before I got all negative creep-y and wrote the last entry. Bill still hasn't showed back up for the net chat. I'm gonna send him an email telling him to call me instead, I need to be horizontal right now. I sort of dont feel like being on the phone right now, Daniel called me and we talked for 45 minutes. I found him a Burger King on the corner of La Brea and Sunset Blvd, and he told me to not see Geoff any more. He also admitted he's jealous. And without comeing right out and saying "move out here and live with me and I will at least try to be a decent guy to you" totally he said "you need a guy like me, someone who only drinks a little, doesnt ever do any drugs and who has never cheated and never will..." etc etc etc etc.... Daniel hasnt had sex in 8 months, he'd say anything right about now. Whereas I could be getting fucked by at least 4 different guys other than Geoff right now, and I'm home alone, dickin around on the net. Anyway, I need some god damned sleep, been bustin my ass on the house, and I'm fasting till Sunday before I kick back in on Atkins.

A couple remembrances. Last night he talked about how different I am than anyone he's EVER met, that 3/4 of what comes out of my mouth is a surprise, should be recorded, at least memorized, that he feels honored having met me, like in the same way you feel when you meet someone famous or important. This was the response to me saying that whatever happens in the future (cuz I'd told him about my fear that time is fleeting with him, that I'm so aggressive in bed because I want to use every opportunity, use the time I'm given with him to the fullest, cuz it seems I'm racing the clock) whatever happens in the future that I want him as a friend, that we may grow apart as friends but that we'll always come back around like what happened with Bill (Geoff was present when Bill's first email came through and also when he called me). I told him he was a diamond, and explained what I meant by that. He was humble about it and thanked me but I could tell he was greatly complimented. Then he went on to say that other stuff.

I miss him. I hope he's staying sober. I would actually rather have him fucking some other girl right now than drinking.

If he comes out and says he wants his wife back I would actually help him do it.














Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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About Me
I am a bipolar genius, child abuse & addiction survivor, who is now a single mother who works 70 hours a week and has had gastric-bypass weight loss surgery a year ago. Wish me luck cuz I need it!!!

Examples of My Insanity
Dead On Mental Health Quiz
Tuna Noodle Casserole Story
Explaining Myselves
Biting Off Redneck's Finger
Got So Crazy Scratched Til I Bled
How I Found Nirvana
Leaving Lon After 7 Years
Bad Luck On 3 July 4ths
Random Craziness (FBI Please Disregard)
How I Ended Up A Junky
Almost Getting Raped by a Marine
Typical Weekend in Ohio
How Cobain Saved My Life


How long could we maintain? I wondered. How long until one of us starts raving and jabbering at this boy? What will he think then? This same lonely desert was the last known home of the Manson family; will he make that grim connection when my attorney starts screaming about bats and huge manta rays coming down on the car? If so, well, we'll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere, 'cause it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outback Nazi law enforcement agency and they'll run us down like dogs. Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


AFTER


WHAT'S MY NAME?!?