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So I dunno if it was a good night or a bad night but when I woke up around 1:15 (had to work at 2) this afternoon there was still one of my converse on the front lawn, and also my poo smelled like whiskey. I half remember passing out on the front lawn, and someone waking me up saying I cant sleep there, trying to get me up and me puking all over the grass and laying back down, then them getting me up again, me getting to the front door, puking in the flower bed, I didn't even puke whiskey, it was bile by then cuz I'd stopped drinking hours earlier. I'm horrible, I don't know why I do such things to my body. I only had $6 when I went out, I dont know how I got so smashed. Well, they were handing otu free shots of rumplemintz, which I drank about a tray full... (reminds me of the story of Lon drinking a whole bottle of goldschlagger just for the hell of it) then the two jack n diets I bought myself, the one Rick bought me at Jose and Willies, the two more he got me at Macgreggors, the one I got at the Lumberyard, and two more at the Farmers. Then we left and bought beer one county over, came back for a camper party, which I dont remember AT ALL. They said I was drinking beer. My head is killing me. Literally....

I saw my twin, both twins, made more progress with my goal... talked to Dale for a while at the Lumberyard. Jason cheered me and asked if I needed a drink, then Melissa came back with a fresh drink for me right then so he was like "fine, be that way" then cheered me, then Melissa and then Rick. He was flirting with three girls all at the same time for about 20 minutes. I was memorizing his moves. He's pretty slick. Not too much psycho showing last night, but he wasn't very drunk. Also I know what to look for. I'm wondering if because ti was a blue moon and all if he didnt kill all three of them, that would be the Bateman thing to do. I think I should start calling him Bateman. This reminds me, Jason is still nowhere as psycho as Harlan, who called Bateman a pussy and didn't like the movie at all. There is something menacing inside Harlan.

OK Gary just called, wanted to know if I wanna throw in on a quarter, better not be beasters.

I really wish Lon would call me, it'd be nice to have someone to talk to.... I'm sure I could find him, even if he doesn't wanna be found, find him with that "Radar Love" telepathy we had goin. I miss him, but more like miss just having a friend and also feel bad cuz I was a psycho bitch with him and he got the shitty me, and I have this overwhelming need to make things right and just be nice to him and be his friend. Not being able to do it is hell, punishment.

I told my mom abotu the broken condom the other night and she asked if she needed to get me EC again and I said no and she said "hmm?" and was in deep thought. A couple minutes later she said "that's your choice" and I said "gotta be a reason why I've had 4 condoms break on me in the past year, maybe it's time?" which I dont really believe but whatever. This entry is all tied together, all cause and effect. Christ I gotta get outta here and sugarcoat my brain. Severe dehydration and slight malnourishment.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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