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There are 9 Dlanders from Canandaigua, and my diary is the only one not defunct. Kinda sad, I was hoping to meet some people or at least read about people I might know, or read abotu them and stalk em to see what they look like, or something.

I'm making friends with people from work but they're all the ones who work days, doh! Flirty cop didn't come in last night, but the two that arrested me did! We had four cops at the same time and all mother fucking four of them ordered BLT's. I asked them "is this a joke?" but they didnt get it. They ate us out of bacon, 8 slices per large sammich. The one I called an asshole asked if I spit in his soup, I said no cuz I hadnt but thought to say "do boogers count as spit?" after he took a bite, but then I thought, nah, let's not get fired tonight Jo. Also my mom's van was out front and the dude knows I aint got a license....

So what else is new, mania is back again. I'm still shivering, going on day #2 now. I think it's got something to do with blood sugar and the weight loss. I'm glad they gave us belts with our work uniform. Those jeans that kept being tight on me, the schnazzy ones, they fucken fit perfect now, and my old comfy jeans, it's like I'm a homeless person when I wear em. They still my faves tho, cuz theyre relaxed, thin material, not tough/stiff like the new jeans.

I drove by where Lon might live today, cuz I'm pathetic. Blame it on Janet though. I kid, I kid, I'm just pathetic on my own. I miss him though and I would like just for someone who knows me, like REALLY knows me, and he's the only one that does. I need some empathy, and that's the truest form of understanding. Boggy goes down next week. My mom already made arrangements and I'm bringing him into the vet on my day off. Lance Armstrong had crowds lining the roads the whole way across France cheering and encouraging him, I don't think I can do this alone. I don't want to talk of Bogart, one week left, enjoy every second but I cry like you wouldnt believe and it freaks him out and he acts even weirder. He might even have more life left in him but it's gotten to where no one wants to be around him cuz it's just too sad. I don't know how you did it Lon, with your mom dying so slowly like that, I'm sorry I have to know what it sort of feels like. To have your universe cave in and the thing you love most disappear. I guess it's karma for me. What other outcome could there have been? me staying, overdosing again, this time taking the fall for good... or the Cobain way out? I'm awesome for the most part, and I'd like to help you reach awesome too. I can finally do that, I have resources and esteem. I'd like verification of myself, and you're the only one who's known me, I want to show you proof of who I am now and what can be done. Where are you???

So, mental collapse and therefore subject change, NOFX is like my second favorite band now. I really oughtta buy some of their old albums, all I got is "War on Errorism" and "45 or 46 Songs Not Good Enough For Our Old Albums". They make me wanna practice guitar (and burn shit). Finally punk and politics. I'm psyched for Warped. I got two hotties to volunteer with me and Im gonna put up a flyer at the guitar store (Rossi's) that says somethign like "Need a free ride on the anarchaic bus to anarchy camp? Vanpool to Warped, smokers welcome!" Maybe I'll meet people that way.

I really need ta learn how to say NO. I had the van last night for a couple hours, actually I still have it, was spozed to drop it off at the garage and walk home from there after work, yeah riiiiiight... after the entry is done I'ma load up my bike, go tanning (shuddup), THEN drop off the van and pedal my ass home. Anyway I went to the laundromat to wash my uniform then met my mom and Adrian and his grandson in Shortsville for $1 beef on wiks, I got chicken strips tho, of course. While munching my phone rings and I say "It's bosslady wanting me to come in now" and it really was boss lady but instead of asking me to come in early she asks if I'll work 4 hours today, on my day off. I say "4 hours, sure!" and then duh, I think, which 4 hours... she says "10 to 2" and is all bracing herself for me to say "awe hell no" I say "that's not 10am to 2pm is it?" and she was all cute and meek sounding "no..." and I go "mrrrph" and say it's ok. So i just traded my Friday night off for less than $30. Then when I got into the store she had next week's schedule out and I didnt have a day off till wednesday so I got it changed to Sunday night and she wasnt sure when my next day off would be. I could care less really, it's getting easier (I say as I twitch and back spasms and heels ache and bones disintegrate and to quote NOFX "brain not feel right") also I like not knowing what day it is, that it doesnt even fucking matter what day it is, just serving coffee and making sammiches, which Im damn good at btw, and walking half backward to the house cuz the sunrise is behind me, trying to sleep until 7pm then waking up and going to work, it's been the same day, one long day, since, well... since anyways. I dont mind working, mind numbing and distracting... I do mind giving up my Friday night for $, cuz drinking and "deck-diving" is even more mind numbing. Anyway, I gotta go tanning (like Bateman returning videos).

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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