Defining Moments of My Life
shit ta do, shangri-la, pretty bird

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shit ta do, shangri-la, pretty bird
08.13.04 10:58 a.m.

I called in sick last night. I said I'd been throwing up, which wasn't a lie, cuz I did hurl up my morning vitamin again (and shut up, for now we'll keep telling ourselves it's the vitamin and not any other reason why I'd be hurling in the AM [note to self Hurling in the AM--new song?]).

Anyway, I didnt fall asleep until 5pm yesterday, and then the phone was ringing all night etc, having weird dreams from all sorts of reasons, they wake me up and I'm confused again, it's a lot like Coker and the Tuna Noodle incident (see list of entries on right column), those kinda of dreams, only these have children playing darts in them.

I'm not gonna be dicking around all day, I still have the van. My mom called me around 9:30 last night to make sure I was awake (mucho ass kissing as you'll see) I told her I called in sick so I could sleep more and she was like "oh sure, I left you the van and some pain pills and some money for dinner, you better nto go anywhere" yeahhhhh ohhhh kayyyyy... wtf, please. I still have the van today and for the night, which would be supersweet if I didnt have to work, mad carnivals and parties this weekend. I gotta go get my check, open a bank account, forward my mail, pick up Gary and take him into my work to hopefully get hired, get to the mall at some point, visit my gramma, what the hell else did I list the other day I better put this shit on my hand, go by the guitar store, I'm excited, today will be a good day, I'm feeling ok and looking better than I have been, face clearing up and whatnot, high good vibes, so let's not get pulled over and go back to jail Jo... oh yeah I'll be paying one of my tickets today too. Busy busy. Bag of blueberry trees & stop by the farmhouse to watch Jeopardy with em prolly, (is Ken still winning?), much to do today.

Got an email from Eric, saying he mailed em the rest of my stuff I had in Htown, my posters (FINALLY as if I have walls to put em on tho ya know god I need a home, I hate feeling like a stray), karaoke machine, some shoes, a bear he gave me, I'm not sure what else. Priority mail, early next week, tick tock.

So Danyo finished Brave New World, and I dunno if he was joking, I hope he wasnt, he played it off like he was joking, but he didnt figure out that the Native killed himself, cuz it's just a veiled reference to dangling feet twisting around/swinging. But I had a short talk with him, what were the native's alternatives, did he have to die, and Daniel seemed to think yes, which is odd cuz he's anti suicide, he said that there was struggle or suicide. And I am all Native, probably the literary figure I'm closest to, maybe Candide a little more these days btu definitely the Native... and I'm thinking "no Daniel dammit, you were supposed to find me an asnwer in reading this book, not confirm my fears, struggle or suicide, I'm not hearing THAT" and I'm not. It's all planting my own Shangri-la, no more brave new worlds.


Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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About Me
I am a bipolar genius, child abuse & addiction survivor, who is now a single mother who works 70 hours a week and has had gastric-bypass weight loss surgery a year ago. Wish me luck cuz I need it!!!

Examples of My Insanity
Dead On Mental Health Quiz
Tuna Noodle Casserole Story
Explaining Myselves
Biting Off Redneck's Finger
Got So Crazy Scratched Til I Bled
How I Found Nirvana
Leaving Lon After 7 Years
Bad Luck On 3 July 4ths
Random Craziness (FBI Please Disregard)
How I Ended Up A Junky
Almost Getting Raped by a Marine
Typical Weekend in Ohio
How Cobain Saved My Life


How long could we maintain? I wondered. How long until one of us starts raving and jabbering at this boy? What will he think then? This same lonely desert was the last known home of the Manson family; will he make that grim connection when my attorney starts screaming about bats and huge manta rays coming down on the car? If so, well, we'll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere, 'cause it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outback Nazi law enforcement agency and they'll run us down like dogs. Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


AFTER


WHAT'S MY NAME?!?