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Noon-thirty on a thursday. What the fuck am I doing, ya know? Last night was very nice but not like unrememberable or anything, and some parts of the night could use an erasing from my memory. Like spending three hours talking to a boy named Matt who I liked so much that I WASN'T gonna fuck him that night, if you know what I mean, and things didnt turn out so well. Well, ok lemme back up, Im half hungover from the jack and cokes, of which I only had three but Ruby poured and my tongue ring confuses her into thinking I'm a lesbian like herself and she hooks up all my drinks like theyre mostly jack, shit like Neil got back in the day, the tongue ring works as bait on the ladies too. Also I carbloaded the last couple days so I can start atkins again friday. I also smoked a fuck lot of weed in the last 24 hours cuz Im planning on giving that a rest same as when I start atkins so nobody piss me off till my endorphins settle down ok... smoked after work, at home before my mom came around 10am, then while she was in the doctors office for that hour and a half where I cruised Irondeqoit bumping ODB and old school Snoop, then I napped, woke up at 8pm with Gary calling me on my cell phone from the downstairs phone, he'd been yelling for me and neither I nor the cat nor Bogart woke up... so they came bck for me cuz I wanted to get all dolled up being my only night off for a while so I showered and shaved and skirted up and made up my face and even brushed my hair, figure I went through all that to wash it I might at well detangle it too right? Smoked more while doing this, before the bar, on the way to the bar, behind the bar, in the camper in the bar parking lot we had a pre-camper party, then I pulled the bowl out at last call and packed that shit up and smoked it AT the bar, fuck em ya know..., then I smoked ALL NIGHT LONG while playing euchre of all things, then in the morning we all realized the camper wasnt in the driveway anymore that at some point Rick had driven it across town, and he was more fucked than I was, and actually I woulda elected myself as the DD, I so cant keep up with how I used to drink and party, well, I COULD, but you know, I choose not to, so anyway we somehow managed to get to Erin's, which would explain how he was able to be my euchre partner... 5:30 AM, still raining from frances (and it's STILL raining from Frances, this time she came back as WATER to drown all the liars--really am I making any sense... Im not in my head and autopilot's been typing this) so on the way home I smoked more and while undressing and fixing my bed cuz I left the fan running and it sucked half the hurricain right onto my bed but I slept in it anyway, Bogart being the decent man he is slept in the wet spot. Nubs the not ail cat slept on my back/back of my head... I have one bowl left that I might save for tomorrow morning after work. So let's get back to the boy. Matt is what he said his name was "Matt, ya know, something that get's walked all over" is what he actually said, which is very emo I know, and I think he was too emo, having a guilty concience and surpressing most of his maleness and whatnot so anyway we're chilling for three hours, he requests that I sing some song and I change my entry to that song for him and two people before I'm up... ok let's say we were at the point in talking and flirting where it was time to either "put out or get out" and he opted to get out... which totally threw me for a loop, cuz I've never been turned down, and also just thinking I was so in.... He wasn't handling all the weed too well, not many people can smoke like I can and when they try to keep up with me they fall apart, so he was getting paranoid a little and then said he should be getting home, extremely nice to meet me yadda yadda and I was like "I changed my song to that one you wanted and youre not gonna stay... Im up in like three people, I'll go check" so I go check and in the meantime he leaves. So not cool. Dude dont talk to me for that long if you arent interested, wasted my whole night dammit and I shaved too etc... and then Im RANTING like GOIN OFF and Erin's all "sis, yo, it might make you feel better to know he's been living with the same girlfriend ever since Ive known him." yeah now THAT really helped thanks bub.... So yes, that makes him even more of a nicer guy, yeah he was fucking off in flirting with me all night, and just being out at a bar when you have a girl at home... isnt the point of going to a bar is to get girls to go home with you... if you already got one there then YOU DONT NEED TO GO TO THE BAR!!!! Seriously Im getting close to dumping that bottle of rum inside my predrilled skull. So he proved he was a decent guy by going home to his girl, and it only hurts a little (cuz thats all Im gonna let it hurt) that I dont have someone to come home to, or to stay at home with. And this was another one of those smoke weed play guitar and video games kinda guys. I intimidated him way too much though, too smart, too strong, too fearless, the opposite of emo. And really this whole PC-womens' lib thing has killed a generation of men. They cant change a flat tire, they feel too much and act too little, plus they dont fuck very well either. So Im sure it all worked out for the best that he went home to his nice not so outgoing emo-loving girlfriend to have mediochre sex all the while thinking of what my tongue ring and tight grip would feel like in bed. Me, I got home and made creamy chicken ramen noodles, drained the water as usual and added peas, mushrooms, garlic and parmesean. Gross, I know. I wasnt even sure I ate it but all the cans and wrappers are on the counter still, along with Boggy's bowl half filled with the shit so hopefully I must not have eaten it and gave it to the dog who didnt eat it either, which is quite sad. I remember watching the beginning of "Life is Beautiful" to try to see if it really is, but I couldnt make it all the way through and I already know "the ending", that life is ugly... so I crawled into my half wet bed and only managed to sleep for three hours, at which my mania woke me up and I'm going to have to smoke my last bowl and down a handfull of aleve in order to fall back asleep to be able to work tonight.

A couple things before I go though. Flirting with him at karaoke reminded me too much of Geoff. There was one point where I was sitting in the same spot, Gary standing in the same spot, the boy was in the same spot, I had the same drink in my hand and Rick comes up and asks me to hold his beer, which si the exact same thing that happened the night Gary punched me and I spilled Rick's beer all over Geoff, but this night it was Matt and I look to gary and at the same time I said "Now dont go punching em thsi time" and he said "This all seems familiar..." I gave him a look like "dont talk about Geoff or psychotwins cuz I dont want this guy to think Im a slut or anything... and Gary took the hit and we only shared a smile. But it was a bit depressing, as deressed as one as stoned as I was could be, just the long conversations and the hitting it off remarkably well and the flirting thing... "so why do you have a tongue ring if youre not gay?" (Seriously am I the only non-dyke with a tongue stud? Around here, yes I am.) It all reminded me too much of Geoff. And the LAST time I did karaoke I had my back to the stage ordering a drink for someone else and I hear "Next up is Jeff-with-a-G" and I was shaking so much I couldnt even turn around to see if it was him, hwo many Jeffs can there be in a small town that spell their name Geoff... I couldnt turn around and only started to breathe again when I heard music to an Elton John song starting... "not my Geoff" I thought "Oh yeah, he technically never was"... "I never circled yes or no Joey..." is something he said once or twice. Next please.

The other thing I needed to mention is that on the way to the hospital I was looking at my mom's xrays she was taking to the spine surgeon and her hip was all fucked up looking, like it looked like xrays of mummys, all decayed etc, but I didnt say anything, waited for the surgeon to tell her cuz thats why he makes $500 an hour, and so yeah, I was right, she needs a new hip and he doesnt do that so she has to go see a hip guy in a few days ALSO he did tests on the rest of her joints and they arent looking too good either and Im sure I've inherited all fo this, osteo-arthritis and what not, seeing Ive got all the other fucked up shit in her DNA. It wont affect her work trip to Singapore, she's gonna do the surgery in the winter. And I have little sympathy for her (for the devil, yes, for her, hell no) cuz when my leg was all fucked up she stopped for cigarettes before taking me to the emergency room and when my knee was dislocated it was 3 months before she found me a surgeon. Also maybe momzilla's joints wouldnt be so bad if she'd stop stomping around on all those little japanese people and breathing fire out her snout.

And NOW it's time for my last bowl and a nap before work. Now I dont really need to be wished luck on the not smoking weed thing but how about lets wish me nice customers and a low stress weekend so that I dont want to smoke.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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