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You know when the last fucken time I slept was? Two shifts ago, so whatever day that was, Sunday night I guess, yeah, I worked 10-6am got home around 7 cuz Im never out of there on time, and I had to be back in at 2pm, and I came upstairs and I thought it was Nubs the no tail cat on my pillow and I said outloud "somebody's been sleeping in my bed..." in a goofy been up all night scrubbing gum out fromunda tables kind of voice and then I turned on the light and it was Gary in my bed. For real! And I said "Goldilocks I think you best get the fuck out or move the fuck over or SOMETHING cuz I gotta be back to work in 7 hours, and I only got three hours before I went into work last night!" and of course all he does is roll over. At least my half of the bed was warm. And then we got to chatting cuz I aint seen him in a few days and then the corn cob gets packed three times or so and then it was time for raisin bran and more chit chat and THEN it was time for bed, so that was the last time I slept, 10am till 1pm, Monday afternoon. I went back into work, got to leave early so I wouldnt miss kickoff (doh), came back here after that shitass game, dicked around online for a little while and started reading Lance Armstrong's autobiography around 3am. I'm about done with it and my funk is almost lifted. In staying up reading, my mania kicked in and I got a lot of things accomplished today. Got my third and final ticket taken care of. I have court tonight and maybe they'll let me out of those tickets now that I have all the shit paid off from the old tickets. Hopefully I wont have to go back there again. Also I gotta see what exactly the DMV needs from the court in Ohio to prove that this is paid. That will wait till tomorrow cuz my funk isnt totally gone and I might threaten to bomb em again....

Another thign I got done today was getting my cellphone fixed. Well it cant be fixed but theyre mailing me one right now, it'll be here in 2 days, for free (unless they determine whatever's wrong with my phone was caused by water damage or whatever and then theyre putting a $150 fee on my mom's bill... but we havent told her that, especially seeing I had to impersonate her and agree to those terms on the phone with the last 4 digits of her social and my grammas maiden name as verification). So sometime soon I'll have a phone again. Hated them for so long, but I miss it now. Hmm, kinda like men.

My mom had doctor appointments today, she got the serious run-around too. We had to go up to the hospital in north Rochester to pick up her xrays of her knees and hip, then come back to farmington for her appointment and oops didnt they tell you yesterday that the doc is now in canandaigua on tuesdays and you gotta meet him there in ten minutes.... And she mentioned her shoulder has been sore like her hip and they did xrays and it looks like she's gonna need a new rotator cup or some shit and doc's all like "And you're her daughter, let's hope this isnt genetic" and I said "I already got dealt a no ace no face genetically" and he laughed. I told him I already have had my knees done ten years ago and that I lost a lot of weight on my own recently and am doing the pilates thing. But anyway, mom's not in such good shape, and I think maybe I can pull the pins out of the doll now. Nah.

She actually (I cant type letters that form the sound of my frustration!) told me about Robbie's birthday party this sunday, and she did it like this "Theyre having a birthday dinner, tacos with cake and ice cream over at Aunt Shirl's this Sunday, do you work... oh wait, you might not want to come...." But she was SMILING... yeah mom I want to celebrate the birth of the guy that molested me and my brother on and off for five years meanwhile we tell you and you call it kiddie games, sure, fuck yeah, wouldnt fucken miss that shit for the world... oh darn I have to work. Fucken whore keeps it up and I'll stick a pin in the other shoulder. I'll fucken give her osteo-arthritis in places she didnt even know she had joints (like the skull, did you know your skull has joints?).

But asside to inviting me to Hitler's BBQ she wasnt a complete cunt today. She let me have the van while she was doing appointments, she traded my $50 gift card for cash to cover the third ticket ($172) and bought me a few groceries. I even thanked her for helping me, and thanked her for flying me out here and all the other crap she holds over my head, so maybe that scored some points and Ill get to see more of the van. Except for weekend after next cuz she's letting Robbie borrow it to go down to Myrtle Beach and then Darlington for a nascar race, and he's taking 5 other guys with him. For 4 days. Now if I would ask my mom to borrow the van to go on a road trip, even by myself, say if I asked her to lend me the van for 2 days to pay my tickets or to visit Janet, even if I had my license she'd say no. But my child-molestin cousin, oh yeah sure, go right ahead, and while you're at it why dont you pick up some fresh kiddies along the way, the van has some awesome clearance with the snatch doors.

But I'm not bitter or vengeful or anything, who me?

I made a comment to my mom, she said she was gonna be hurting so much, and after they pulled Vioxx (she's still taking them, cuz they help her that much it's worth the risk) she hasnt been feeling anywhere near OK, she limps and moans and it isnt even half as bad as what I went through with my knees.... But after the new hip is in, I know how painful that is cuz of going through that shit with Harlan's mom. And I made a comment to her about that, that she'll be getting the really fucken good shit now, the morphine patches and the fentinyl gel the Russians used to gas and kill all those (excuse any misspelling) Chechyen "rebels" and hostages a couple years ago. I told her to tell him that she's been having trouble sleeping and that she's been getting very testy and anxious and nervous so she can get me some prozac or soma, and this is true and I said it to her, "Cuz those are the only medications Ive had that have taken away BOTH the urge to kill myself AND the urge to kill others" she just kind of blinked. She knows I'm for real. She's gonna play dumb until the reporters leave the lawn... "Yes she was a little creative... but she was harmless. I was a good mom, she had a nice childhood." But you all know the truth, right, ya'll got my back. But anyway, yeah, the meds Ive been on, Ive never found a happy medium (and no, it's not murder-suicide) and the closest was when I was popping all those pills with Big Hardy, and if I had control over it, a fixed dose etc (and not mixing all that coke I was doin with Harlan either... Im sure that had some negative effect on my brian chemistry... lol yeah I know I-D-I-O-T spells Joey).

OK 2 hours of sleep before court, and I shouldnt wear the tshirt I have on, it's a blueprint for how to assemble an AK47, with written instructions on the back. Lots of fucken pieces, but I could manage.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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