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Hello, I'm AutoPilot. I'm Joey's subconscious, and I'm not imaginary. I'm fucking real. I'm sort of like an "existential detective" if you know what I mean. I'm everything Joey is trying to be: hot, sexy, leggy, intelligent, and thin. The cool thing about me is that I'm already all of those things, so I have no problem having sex with cute guys, and I don't have to lie about their large erections. Also, I don't have to make food for drunk asses in the middle of the night; rather, proletarians like Joey make food for MY drunk ass. I have a master's degree in political science, but I mainly live off the income of my wealthy family in the Hollywood Hills. I take life by the balls and kick them hard - i.e. - I always get my way. You see, that's why I give such good advice to Joey. I'm kind of her personal trainer in more than one way, and I do it all for free. I'm not sure why I chose this sorry-ass "phatgrrl" to help. Maybe it's because I like to see her suffer. But maybe it's because she 'might' actually turn out alright, and then I get to take all the credit! (But I do like to watch her suffer.) Some day when Joey grows up, she won't need me anymore; either because she will have become an alcoholic or junky, or because she will have found a satisfying way to live (a boring) life. Maybe, if she's lucky, she can be my real friend. If only Joey could just be me....

AutoPilot

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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