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I�m not online so I don�t know where I left off with that last entry, I�ll have to reread it then finish what was happening.

I�m starting to get sick right now. Well I felt it coming on the last couple-a days but last night is when the coughing started, no doubt being around so many smokers had something to do with it. I didn�t get to mention that I bought a car last Friday. My mom�s friend from high school finally came off her car for me, she mentioned wanting to sell it back in July�. It�s a well maintained 95 Buick Century, 4 door, dark blue, 6 cylinder. She had put two front tires on a week ago and said the brakes were just done. The tires do look new but the brakes need to either actually be done or else they need to be bled or something, they still grind� and also the car needs shocks all around, also the front windows don�t roll down (hence the coughing from cigarette smoke). BUT I only paid $800 for it, and technically I paid nothing for it seeing my mom put down the $300, though I�m responsible for $100 a month for 5 months starting January 1st. I could have it paid off in one month but an apartment comes next. I�ll have an apartment by Christmas.

There are a few places I�ve heard about already. Ideally I would like to take over the mortgage for this place, seeing just about everyone I know needs a place to live. Trell wants to live with me and Greg, and this seems highly likely. Gary of course needs a place to stay, as do Tabs and Jenn and Jenn�s kids, and my other cousin Jeremy, who�s moving back here from outside of Norlins. Jeremy gets SSD so he can have his social worker find him a place to live and have it all set up for him, also Gary would live with him. Tabs I could really care less about, she�s got �what it takes� to be able to find some place to live�. (I�m pretty sure she fucked three different guys yesterday, maybe one of them is stupid enough to deem her girlfriend worthy). But anyway, Greg, Trell and I seems like the best bet, Trell being mostly stable and having a job and what not. Problem is that he was living with his girlfriend but that douchebag that punched Greg, her ex, and I didn�t know this at the time but her baby-daddy, is threatening to turn them into children�s services if Trell doesn�t move out. Everybody knows Trell�s a pothead drunk (like pretty much everybody around here but still) so he hangs that over her head. Yeah he could quit smoking pot, but the people I know have skewed priorities. Anyway there are a few 2 bedroom apartments on Main st, $625 a month everything but cable included, or just over $200 a person.

I�m having problems with Greg. He�s very frustrating, and more complex than I imagined. The situation has drama, and I THOUGHT I laid down the NO DRAMA rule right from the start but it seems a reminder is in order. He spent over a hundred at the bar last night, and $35 of it was spent after he was already too drunk to be drinking any more. He himself probably only drank half the amount he spent, the rest he wasted on buying shots and beer for other people. At 12:40 we go to the Farm for last call, he is so wasted by this time he shouldn�t have been served but the Farm will serve ANYBODY so� so he gets himself a beer and two shots (beer =$2, shot=$3.50), and then gets everybody in the bar a beer and a shot, PLUS gets Nicole a double shot of tequila cuz that�s her usual. The shots for Nicole were the last straw. I had my own money and had been buying my drinks mostly, so Greg ended up spending more on Nicole than on me. After he bought her shots he started talking shit about her when she went out for a cigarette, which pissed me off even more. IF YOU HATE SOMEONE DON�T BUY THEM SHOTS, HELLOOOO�. Needless to say, there is no fun in dragging his drunk ass around town, listening to him repeat himself and ask me �what�s wrong baby� a thousand times, and every time I tell him what�s wrong he just asks me again 2 minutes later. I do like being with him, but not when he�s like that. His shoes are falling apart and he doesn�t own a toothbrush, not to mention he rent a jail-cell sized bedroom in the home of an 80 year old couple and isn�t allowed visitors� yet he can spend $400 a week at the bar. Priorities people. Looking at my paystub Friday night I pissed myself off by reading the year to date, which was at $3,500� yet I have nothing to show for it. �You think that�s bad baby, you should see mine�� �I dont want to see yours�� but it was too late, he�s pulling out his pay stub� YTD was at $25,000� and he�s wearing rags, has bleeding gums and no mode of transportation. Forget anything like a savings account, or equalizing his debt/bad credit. BUT, but but� I lived like that for two years� well, it progressed to being that bad over the two years but still� so it�s like a punishment or reckoning that I help him through this, like what I started to make my own friends go through with me, and really what I made Lon go through with me seeing he really was a hostage the whole time� and even though I forced my friends away I�m not going to let him do that to me, cuz I wish someone would have iron fisted me back into reality back then. Yes I made it on my own, but at such a cost and time frame, that some days it doesn�t seem worthwhile. Watching Greg slowly rot away, it�s like watching footage of myself� it�s a double whammy. When he woke up this morning, he checked his pockets and he said �where the hell is all my money� and I clued him into how much he spent last night, saying that he has $3 left and some quarters, and he gave me this look like I stole his money or something, and I thought to myself �did I ever look at Lon that way�� and I bet I did, I used to wake up to the sound of him flicking the bubbles out of his rig and jump right out of bed and accuse him of not splitting the bag equally, of making my shot less potent. So I�m at that place again, only I�m on the other side, but I still feel that I�m being the abuser as well as being abused. Though the situation is interesting, I don�t like it at all. I should go through this though, I should make it mine, learn everything I can from it. I should be for Greg what no one could be for myself, and maybe it�ll turn out better than it did with me. Yeah I know I should split, that this is definitely a high-risk investment. I�m trying to find the line between caring and not being hurt, the gray area where I can go all in yet not lose everything� this is a blind bet though, and the odds don�t look too good. Why do I do these things? Cuz even though it takes its toll on my sanity and my ulcers, I always end up smelling like roses. And though I�d voluntarily do these things for Greg, the whole situation seems like an assignment from Autopilot, part of Step 8 & 9 or something.

Tonight Ken was on Jeopardy again, I�m not sure if it was a repeat or a tournament but it definitely was a good reminder.

Packers are bout to kick off, and I gotta get ready for work. I actually have hours this week seeing the new store is opening Wednesday. I work Monday 10p-6a Tuesday 9p-3a Wednesday off Thursday 10p-6a, Friday 9p-3a, Saturday 9p-3a, Sunday 10p-6a� and all the $$$ goes to an apartment.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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