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When you send toys to poor children on Christmas, or
help out at a food kitchen on Christmas Eve; you are
not helping. Let me say it again. You are not
helping. You are only throwing the rest of their
miserable life into stark relief. These poor, filthy
disgusting dregs of society, who have no one to blame
but themselves for their pitiful circumstances, now
get this message shoved in their face:

Hello from the rarified world of the middle class.
This is what your life could be like every day if we
really wanted to make more than a token effort. If
we were willing to do without one cup of mocha java
latte supreme every week, if we bought one less Oprah
magazine. We could feed you like this every day. We
could give your children toys every week, and clothes,
too. Your daughter wouldn't have to suck cock to buy
you cigarettes.

But we don't care. We couldn't give a shit. Instead
we collect DVDs of crappy movies that we will never
watch again. We would rather use our money to pay for
the electricity to run our elaborate Christmas lights
that we leave on all night. We would rather pay for
pretty lights that no one is looking at than help you.

We want to throw parties for people we don't like in
an effort to throw our affluence in their faces. We
would rather spend $20 on our secret Santa present for
that fat whore in our office who we normally would
never speak to. Even though the cap on presents was
$10, we'll be damned if we're going to look like cheap
bastards.

Or better yet, we'll buy 'gag' gifts like adult diapers
so everyone can comment on how clever we are, and then
throw them away. Meanwhile, you sit in that alley
stewing in your own piss. Boy, I'll bet you wish you
had one of these adult diapers right now. Instead your
privates are encased in a block of yellow ice.

Rich people love Christmas. We buy our kids and
ourselves whatever we want, and it doesn't matter. We
could give money to charity, and sometimes we give a
little. It doesn't really matter. We have gobs of
money and we need the write off. Mostly we chair
committees to raise money. You ignorant middle class
people give money to our charities. You volunteer and
work for free. You stupid suckers. And these charities
throw great parties to honor us rich people for being
so giving. Usually we get awards, and get to give
speeches about how generous we are. Sometimes we even
get little plaques.

You pathetic middle class sheep love Christmas. Your
lives are so dreary and dull. Cut down a tree and put
it inside our house. That ought to cheer you up. Give
the mailman a 3 lb can of popcorn because he looks like
he could uses 3 fucking pounds of popcorn.

The true meaning of Christmas is that it's way better
to be rich than it is to be poor. Santa clearly gives
better gifts to rich kids than he does to poor kids.
Unless you are Jewish; Santa hates Jewish kids.

In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit I'm a
practicing Muslim. Not a strap a bomb to my belt, blow
myself up Muslim. More like I occasionally tape a
couple firecrackers to my tits and light them off. But
that's only so that I know I can still FEEL SOMETHING,
you know what I mean?

I'm just kidding about being Muslim, but the firecracker
thing is true.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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