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I'm in a bad mood. I dont know why seein there really isnt anything to be in a bad mood about. I cant say that often, that's for sure. Things are OK with Greg, not great but pretty good. Same with work. I'm finally getting hours, I like the people I work with. The new store is much busier than the old one, so even though I'm working twice as hard, the time goes by twice as fast, and I prefer it like that. At the end of December I'll have worked there 6 mos, and will hit up bossman for a raise. I'm bored with it though and look forward to starting school. I'm already itching to move again. I need to do something with my brain.

I had a serious bout of mania on Tuesday. It started Monday night at work. The woman I work with has a bipolar kid and she said to me "Joey, I had no idea you were bipolar!" It was pretty obvious. She asked why I wasnt on meds and I explained, she said that she did the whole FLACRA (where I did a whole ten days of rehab) thing herself. So we're chummier than ever now. Tuesday morning when I got out of work I came home to shower and change. I got some paperwork together. I did my banking. I went to the store and got light bulbs (we got three bulbs in the whole house and when we leave a room we were taking the lights with us so I finally sblurged on a pack of 77 cent light bulbs...), motor oil for the car, a duplicate set of keys made for Greg, shit like that. I fixed the tire pressure and got the oil in the car. The copy place was open and I went there to copy comics and some other shit for college aps I needed copied but I didnt have anything organized and my brain was going faster than I could process the thoughts (it makes sense to me) so I went to Denny's for some non-Horton's food and to regroup. I filled out my FAFSA there but couldnt remember if I filed taxes last year seein I only worked for a month and didnt make much money also I was pretty sure Eric claimed me last year in his taxes. I had to call Eric to verify all that an then had to call the IRS. Meanwhile there's some mommy-baby club thing going on taking up most of the tables next to me and it was pretty unnerving. There were two boys about 4 years old throwing shit around stabbing each other with forks and screaming "daddy say shud de hell upppp!!!" and laughing... so I'm on hold with the IRS watching the boys, wondering when I'll have some little ones to stab each other and go fucken nuts inside a denny's at 8am on a tuesday.... The IRS guy gave me a hard time first off cuz my name isnt a girls name, then I slurred my social #, then I couldnt remember how much $ I made last year and then I couldnt remember either of my addresses or the names of the places I worked at. For real, blocked that shit out of my memory I guess. I wa slike "A haunted house called scream world, but the name on my check was somethign like spooky enterprises" then I said "and some bullshit stint with some literacy foundation that jewed me outta my job after 6 weeks" it took some serious jedi mind tricking but I finally talked him into giving me my information, basically yes I did file, I claimed 0 and made all of $1848 during 2003. HOPEFULLY all this trouble with the FAFSA will pay off by me getting more than enough state and federal grants, seeing as they wont give me any more student loans. From my americorps money I've got just enough for one semester's tuition (if they belive I'm really a legal resident of NY...), but not enough for books or the $300 "administration fee". I need some extra money for rent or car repairs (shocks all around, rear brakes, tires rotated and balanced -hopefully it wont need an alignment- serpentine belt, oil change and radiator/coolant flush). Anyway let me get back on track here. I got my shit together at dennys and then went to my old elementary school for my immunization records, which I need to mail in with the college application also. The nurse recognized me and jokingly asked if I was having another bloody nose cuz throughout my youth I was forever in her office getting a q-tip full of vaseline stuffed up my nose. Turns out I needed some shots to complete my record. There were a few things on my record that pissed me off, notes on bruises and "emotional disturbances" that went unevaluated/followed up on... also something that siad I had chicken pox the end of my sixth grade year and I know I never had chicken pox, wasnt sick that year with anything. 7th grade I was out for a couple weeks with something, mono or some shit, but it wasnt pox. I think it might have been fudged so that I wouldnt have needed that immunization. After getting my records the nurse gave me the # to the health dept where I could get the shots I needed. I made an appnt for the next morning. I went to the library and filed my FAFSA online, plus I ordered my transcripts from OSU online, fucken awesome, I wish all my schools had online forms like that. I got the addys for the other two and mailed those requests. When I finished the FAFSA app it immediately came up with a link for a NY state aid form, pretty nice cuz I didnt know I had to fill one out for the state and also the website kept all my info from the FAFSA and I didnt have to answer many more questions. It was about noon by the time I got to the copy place and I didnt leave there till 2:30 or so. Went by the post office and finally got to bed. I had to work 10-6 tuesday night, was off wednesday. I was spozed to work wednesday but they only had two scheduled for thursday and thurs is busier than weds, and I had already worked 6 nights in a row, plus I wanted to go to karaoke. As of today I have off Sunday for karaoke but that could change cuz some people are getting fired and they might need me at the other store. I stayed over two hours last night and if I stay over tonight I think I'll get overtime. I need to start writing down my hours, I think they been nickle and diming me.

I got to spend a lot of time with Greg this week. It's nice, but nerve-wracking. My ulcers have been hurting, most of it due to him. Last week he said he was switching up his overtime where he'll work til 1:30am through the week and have saturdays off that way he wont sit in the bar every night and he can have saturday to spend time with me. That was last week though and this week he worked no overimte, not even today, AND he sat in the bar all night, every night. He told me to tell him how much he needed for an apartment with me and by what date and I told him $600 by christmas, which is totally easy for him to do, even with paying a couple of the bills he's gotta pay this week and next week. I told him how much and by when, so we'll see if he has it. I dont think he will. He had $180 in his pocket when he went out Thursday night. After work he used my car and when I called him to pick me up he said he was at the ATM right now, and I said "You had $200 in your pocket this morning, why are you at an ATM...?" and he goes "ummm, I... uhh... I'm NEAR an ATM, just PASSING BY the bank..." and all I got out of him later was that he met up with some "old friends" and was hanging at their house. Too much drama, too much babysitting him. One thing I learned recently is how to walk away, breaking up is like getting off dope, the more times you do it the easier it gets. The first break up is just as bad as the first time you go through withdrawl... in fact it's almost the same thing (and I went through both pretty much simultaneously...). I like Greg a lot but it'll only take so much more drama and then I'll bail. I've had enough of taking care of people and getting shit on in the end... enough of watching people waste their lives.

So anyway, I have some more shit to do before I pass out. I have enough money to pay the $50 application fee for college and to get the serpentine belt replaced. The car needs an oil change badly too. My mom said that Sue said she'd pay for the serpentine belt, I think she realizes the car had a lot that needed to be done with it. I have some cleaning to do in the house. Some chocolate pudding on the kitchen floor that was stepped in and now there are four pudding footprints... plus laundry and bedroom cleaning. My mom asked me to rake the backyard and to wash all the ceiling fan blades along with the light bulb fixtures on them. Seein I got light bulbs for em now I might as well but I dont know about the yardwork, it's raining ice right now. They said it's gonna be a high of 17 degrees on Tuesday, and I'm not even sure what that means. All I know is I need a winter coat.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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