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Greg and I had a great day yesterday. He bought a raffle ticket off my mom for the Elk's lodge. It was a chicken bbq and gun raffle. No really interesting guns, though a 50 cal was up for grabs. They also raffled off cash and large gift certificates to gun/outdoors shops. They had black jack in the basement. it was soooo fucking hot, I was DRIPPING with sweat. Greg wasnt too interested in the free beer cuz it was flat and all head. he asked if we could leave early and go have a drink at the Pick. Though he had a pitcher it was nice and cool, as well as empty, in there so I didnt mind hanging out for an hour or so. Some douchebag was making rude gestures behind my back and Greg nearly killed him. All five people in the bar saw what he did but I didnt and no one would tell me what he was doing, I figure it was something to do with my weight, specially after I hear the guy say "sorry man, I didnt know there was a baby in there..." If I had seen him _I_ woulda kicked his ass... I'm getting really sick of this. I dont look THAT bad, Im like chubby Anna Nicole, but nine months pregnant.... I remember my friend Lacy getting prego. She was 200 pounds with double E tits BEFORE getting pregnant and she got fucken HUGE. People just cant tell Im pregnant. I dont wear maternity clothes, I just went back to my super fat clothes I still had here from before I took off to Texas. Everything's still baggy. Im not even back to the largest pant size I used to be... I used to be bigger than this. anyway

Greg came home with me and we hung out with Prett and Jamie for the night. Greg drank a few more beers and took a nap from 10-12:30pm. He got back out of bed and wanted to catch last call. I wouldnt have minded but I was already in my lounge clothes. He wasnt all that cocked and has been decent since I made that 17% remark so we went down for an hour. It was packed but he found us a place to sit and he spent most of the time talking to me. Usually he's running off with the boys to smoke weed or he's doing shots with someone down at the other end of the bar etc. He only did one shot (he's switched to jager bombs for some reason, he used to HATE jager) and SIPPED on it. We played a game of darts and I won. I usally dont win against Greg. Im bad at bulls, I'll close everything out in 9 rounds and then take another 5 rounds to make bullseyes. Greg can hit bulls in 2 rounds. Last night I closed everything in 10, had a hundred point lead and then got a double bull followed my a single bull to win in the next round. The boards are in the way of the front door and he kept getting nudged, also his darts werent sticking so he prolly woulda won if it werent so crowded in there. My bulls were a fluke.

After the bar we came home and hung out in the basement talking. Some flaked out hippie waitress at the bar kissed my belly about a dozen times on the way out the door and I think it got Greg going. She kept saying how beautiful our baby was going to be. When Greg and I first got home and down stairs he started crying. "I love you, I want a family, Im not going to leave you" "Im trying really hard to be good" We talked about his drinking. He's got a lot of patterns and behaviors he's never noticed. He always has to have an open beer beside him when he's in bed, I told him it was like a night light and comparable to my bed time snack. There are lots of similarities to Greg's drinking and my eating. We talked about this and how we can help each other positively instead of me saying "youre already too fucken drunk asshole" and him saying "didnt you just fucken eat something..." He also said he was upset when I brought up the idea of me getting my tubes tied cuz he wants to have more kids. he said that he thought I didnt want to be with him. Also he's freaked that it might not be his kid and he's getting his hopes up, making all these changes etc for nothing (in our "circle of friends" it's happened twice recently that baby daddy wasn't infact baby daddy). He said he knows Im being honest but he cant rest until he knows FOR SURE that it's his. Understandable. "I see how guys look at you, how much you get flirted with even now, and guys youve been with talk to me about how lucky I am and tell me shit I dont wanna know, so that owrries me. I know you're a decent girl, but I still worry" Im going to talk to my doc at my appointment tomorrow. If they gotta do any blood tests (amniocentesis) on Cassidy then they can do a paternity test too.

We talked about other stuff. His dad's pretty close to "retirement" from the farm. His dad also has a few hundred acres, Greg wants to get a piece from his dad to start "our own homestead". We talked future stuff. Good stuff.

Almost time for poker and godzilla just got home so I need to go, will finish later (red head green eyes, magazines in the basement)

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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