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No baby yet. For real. I told it "Hey, you, free-loader, get the fuck outta there, your rent's only good till the first!" but it doesn't listen. My doc is worried that I'll need a C section. Im having another ultrasound this Wednesday and my OB appt is Thursday where she'll make a decision on inducing me or going under the knife. I want to get back to work asap so I dont want the c section, even though I fear the pain of birth a whole lot. Ive been having REALLY bad false contractions, my whole stomach turns to cement and it feels like I have a grapefruit shoved up inside me. My cousin Mandy says that I'll definitely know when it's a real contraction. When I asked how she said "Remember what you knee felt like when it broke? It's the difference between that and pulling a muscle...." I guess that's what I deserve for bringing life into such a fucked up world.

And speaking of, what the fuck... that's all I can say... what the fuck??? I saw that storm when it was just coming off Africa and I knew it was going to fuck shit up. People had two and a half days knowing it was a cat 4... Norlins has had years of near misses to plan for and build better fortifications for storms like that. I guarantee more deaths than 9-11. We dont need "terrorists" to tear down the United States, our lazy fat, greedy asses are doing just fine on our own! Gas went up a fucken dollar in the last week! It's $3.50!!! what the fuck!!!!

That rant aside, Greg's doing well TRYING to stay out of the bar. Sometimes he'll go in the afternoon for a couple hours and not go out that night. Sometimes he'll stay home all day and night and just go out 15 minutes before last call. he used to spend $50 a night or more, now it's down to that much a week. A fin a week is still too much, but it's a start.

He's getting very excited about the baby. It's like our feelings changed, where he used to be nervous and scared, now I'm that way. He snuggles up to my belly all the time, has been stepping up in most things actually. It's not all perfect though, he was supposed to fill out an application for the place where my mom works, they need 4 machine operators for 2nd shift in a different part of the factory and mom talked to that team leader to see if what Greg's done in the past would be enough experience (he's been working on hot presses doing car parts out of plastics and flax, this new stuff would be metal fab, though it's still hold down button, pull lever kind of work). The guy said greg would do fine and to get an app in this week. So Thursday he drinks till dawn and right when I think he's finally going to get some sleep at 7 AM, he puts his pants back on, which means he's going to be walking to the bar. I know he's really nervous about working again cuz he's been out of work so long, and he feels extra pressure to perform cuz he thinks my mom's rep is on the line, and he's worried about an on the spot drug test and other shit... he didnt handle the pressure well. I freaked out on him, while doing so I lost my balance and my hand flung backwards and through a window. I thought I needed stitches in my finger, though I was iffy on it, Greg didnt think I did. Also the wound was comparable to a previous cut on a different finger that ended up not needing stitches... and I had a doctor's appointment that morning anyway so I ended up not going to the ER. Then doc lady flipped out on me saying it needed stitches but was too late for em now and overdue pregos shouldnt be going round with open sores, and my blood pressure was sky high due to all the stress and it's obvious I havent been taking bed rest seriously.... Then she called the baby a monster and went into all the c section talk. Ive lost almost 15 pounds in the last three weeks but the baby is still growing a lot, she's worried about that.

We figured out how we're spelling the names. My great uncle Bill died two Sundays ago and Greg has an uncle Bill too so we wanted to go with William for a boy's middle name. I want Katrina for a girl's middle name. We're spelling Cassidy way fucked up... "Qazati" so it's gonna be Qazati Wylym or Qazati Katrina.

We still don't have a car seat or stroller or crib.... At least a dozen people have given me their numbers and said "If you need anything let me know, I have a crib/play pen/high chair/car seat/etc..." and the people dont answer or dont show up when they say theyll be over with it or theyre not home when they say I can come get it. Starting to get pissed off. If I went into labor right now we'd be screwed.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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