Defining Moments of My Life
cabin fever

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cabin fever
08.11.06 5:15 p.m.

So here's what's been going on: Aunt Sharon died on the 1st. They took her feeding tube out on Friday morning and she didn't die til 5 am Tuesday. They were all arguing about taking the respirator off, really it was my mom and her other sisters against Kelly, who just wouldn't let go. My mom said that over the weekend sometimes my aunt would come out of the morphine-death stupor and mouth "HELP ME" to my mom. Then she said when they took the air mask off her face that her nose almost came with it. I think she said she was down to 80 something pounds. My mom was pretty traumatized by the whole thing, this being the first time she was around anything that gross, or around death at all. My aunt was a health-nut and germaphobe by the way.

The house my mom lives in was my aunt's and is now Kelly's. She doubled my mom's rent the day after her mom died. My mom was spozed to be living here CHEAP, and even though $600 plus util (etc) is a good price for a huge house like this, it's not the original agreement, nor is it anything my mom needs to be renting. She doesn't even use the upstairs. I told mom to tell Kelly that if rent is $600 then she has to come here from Cali to mow the lawn and change light bulbs etc like real landlords do. Fucken bullshit. I want to ask her what she's doing with her truck, her and my aunt both had jeep grand cherokees, my aunts was nicer and my mom thinks it was paid off so Kelly would keep that one and wanna sell her own. Im hoping something comes of this.

I'm registered for classes, which start in exactly a month. I dont have my other classes done yet either, the one I worry about most is Crisis Intervention because I have to do those interviews and type a paper up on them. I dont even know who I'm interveieing yet. I cant ever get more than half an hour on a computer. OH, my Aunt Sue just bought a new comp and wanted to know if I wanted her old one, which is only 2 years old, which is two years younger than the one I have at my cabin. Now I dont have to buy a new system, and can consentrate on getting a decent car.

I'm still registered to take the LSAT (law school admission test) but I'm not so sure about law school. I'm looking into teaching cert programs, looks like they went the way of the Ohio State programs, they're all for a Master's of Ed now. Which is fine except that they want 54 fucken semester hours for the program. That's 3 semesters at 18 credits a semester, so more like 2 years of school. OSU had a masters of ed in 5 quarters program. there was some other "pathway" to teaching besides getting a masters, I'm still trying to figure it all out. I just wanna get a job, fucken any job right about now... Timmy Hos looks really good again... anything to get out of the house. The only human connection I have is with Cassidy, and although "a blah blah blah" is all that MOST people say anyway, it's still nice to talk to grown ups. I don't think I've had a real conversation in six weeks or whenever I talked to Janet last on the phone.

My mom just called and wants me to pick her up from work, she told me 6:30 originally. I've got a headache from being up too late yesterday and driving all day today, and trying to figure out the teaching cert bullshit. Why cant there just be a test? A test for everything.... Wanna be president, everybody takes the "I Wanna Be Pres-o-dent" test and the highest score wins, no more fucken retards voting "'majority rules' don't work in mental institutions" Just give me a god damned job!!! They have jeopardy at the Pick on thursdays instead of karaoke now. They give free drinks to the game winners and after a while they told me I couldnt play anymore, which was fine cuz I'd had my fill of free whiskey (not really, but I had to drive). I'd ring in before the "host" even started to read the question outloud. I bet I could get that shit down for the real TV version. I should just drop out of school altogether and go on game shows.

I met with O'Malley today. He's pretty hot for a weirdo doctor guy. He talks like me and Janet do, where we skip over unimportant words... and you should see how fast he writes. I could be a doctor, I got mad dexterity for surgeoning. I could be anything really, if I tried, I would take being anything, something, right about now. "So what have you been up to?" my answer is "umm..." and look away sad.... Getting out last night was OK, but it wasnt a karaoke night so I didnt see any friends, just got to humiliate grown men at fairly easy trivia ("what kind of food has to explode before becoming edible?" That was the final jeopardy question. The other final jeopardy question for the other game I was in was "Who was the cult leader that died in his waco, tx compound when it caught fire?" I was the only one to get it right, I asked if I got bonus points for spelling it right and the host called me a weirdo and Greg said "I bet it's spelled right, she got some documentary on them taped at home that she's made me watch twice!" And he paid attention too cuz when the host first asked the question Greg said "caught on fire by Janet Reno!!" see, he's smart when he wants to be. ANYWAY what the fuck was I talking about, O'Malley, that's right. Surgery is set for sept 12th, which will lay me up for Cass's birthday party, but it wont be that bad being 4 days after. My mom's going to Tiujuana for a month to train the mexicans that are getting her job. She asked if I wanted to go with her and I wouldnt mind running amuck in San Deigo, but I bet they wouldn't even let me into Baja after that shit in Brownsville or wherever the fuck we were. OK must get mom now.


Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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About Me
I am a bipolar genius, child abuse & addiction survivor, who is now a single mother who works 70 hours a week and has had gastric-bypass weight loss surgery a year ago. Wish me luck cuz I need it!!!

Examples of My Insanity
Dead On Mental Health Quiz
Tuna Noodle Casserole Story
Explaining Myselves
Biting Off Redneck's Finger
Got So Crazy Scratched Til I Bled
How I Found Nirvana
Leaving Lon After 7 Years
Bad Luck On 3 July 4ths
Random Craziness (FBI Please Disregard)
How I Ended Up A Junky
Almost Getting Raped by a Marine
Typical Weekend in Ohio
How Cobain Saved My Life


How long could we maintain? I wondered. How long until one of us starts raving and jabbering at this boy? What will he think then? This same lonely desert was the last known home of the Manson family; will he make that grim connection when my attorney starts screaming about bats and huge manta rays coming down on the car? If so, well, we'll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere, 'cause it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outback Nazi law enforcement agency and they'll run us down like dogs. Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


AFTER


WHAT'S MY NAME?!?