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Why can't I get motivated? I'm at my mom's, supposed to be working on one of my papers.... It's hard when the cat hasn't seen me in a week or more so he's buggin gthe shit out of me, then my mom's right near me with the TV on, volume up pretty high, watching some kind of world swimming championship thingy. I only have till 4:30 then she goes to work bartending at the Moose and I'm going with her into town for the night. I figure I'll spend the night here and can work on the paper tonight when she's asleep, and tomorrow. I'll be here Tuesday, wednesday and thursday also cuz I have to borrow her car those days for appointments and can work on the papers then. I always have to wait til the last minute. My papers used to be better when I waited, and I guess my papers would be really good now too, if I'd do them. I am so sick of being in school! I dont care what my grades are, I just want to be done. I'm looking forward to actually going to real classes again, that wont be until grad school, at least a year away, but it's something to look forward to. If I can finish empire state with a 3.0....... yeah yeah do my homework! what the fuck is my problem? Inconsistant thc levels all summer is my guess.

My brother is moving back to NY, tonight, and NOT bringing his gf and "their" baby! For real! Maybe he wont be a dickhead this time around. Jamie and Preston "Jr" will be staying with friends or something so they won't have to pay rent anywhere. My mom got him a job at her factory and he's saving up money and sending it back home, kinda like a mexican but he didnt have to swim here. I should be able to get rides more often too, seein as he's driving my old car and all. OH, I emailed Kelly and told her I wanted the truck and made her an offer for it. We shall see. I might have to fly down to florida and drive it back up (oh darn, you know how much I hate road trips... -sarcasm-) that or maybe Heather will drive it up to me.

What else has been going on, OH YEAh DUH! Cassidy is walking!!! All this week she's been taking a few steps here and there but yesterday she walked from the kitchen to the living room on her own without falling, unmotivated too. She also walked from the bathroom to the living room unmotivated. Then when you stand her up she'll walk to whoever she's supposed to walk to. But the longest walks are the ones where she does it herself. I was sitting in the living room trying to fix one of her toys and I looked up and she was walking sort of right in front of me on her way in there. I clapped and said "YAY!!!" but she didnt think anything she did was all that exciting, she just looked at me like I was retarded.

I had a dream last night that I was asleep and it was REALLY cold and I sat up in bed feeling a cold breeze and I saw snow blowing in down the hallway. OK We've got french door in the living room going out to the deck. You can pretty much walk in those door and walk straight through the LR and down the hallway, then when the hallway ends Cass's room is on the left and our room is on the right. Well when I sit up in bed I can see into Cass's crib if both our doors are open. So in my dream I knew that the french doors had blown open, the wind does that a LOT when Greg doesnt close the doors all the way, which is often cuz the doors are really loud and when he's out there smoking at night he'll leave em like that and sometimes he'll pass out without closing the doors all the way and then they're blown open in the morning. So in my dream snow was coming in from the door and the second thing I noticed was the hindlegs and tail of a coyote walking back towards the doors, then I heard a growl and saw the 2nd coydog with its front legs up on the crib, dragging Cassidy's limp body up over the rail. Her neck was in its mouth and I could tell that she was dead. The coyote walked down the hall following the first and it kind of laughed at me when it made eye contact. In the dream I also somehow knew that Greg wasn't anywhere in the house. When I woke up right after I was confused cuz when I have dreams like that I dont know if they really happened or what. When I collected my senses I told the dream to Greg and asked him to start making sure the doors are closed at night. I'll have to double check the doors before I go to bed every night. I'll probably start locking them. The part of the yard where Greg saw the coyote that morning is really close to our deck and doesn't come in contact with the parts of the yard that are fenced where the dogs are. I'm sure the coydogs are smart enough to figure out that the dogs couldnt get to them if they wanted to get up on our deck. We keep the recycables out there so I'll have to remember not to leave any food stuffs out on the deck. I hope we dont have to start hanging our food and trash from tree limbs lol.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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