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Wow. Remind me not to drink any of THOSE anymore.... What the fuck was I thinking??? Who the hell thought of grape flavored vodka anyway? And why would anyone think to mix it with Redbull? And why on Earth would someone decide to drink six of them plus three screwdrivers? ANYWAY I was puking foam for about 20 minutes last night on pigfucker's couch and I haven't been right since. Seems that the new tummy doesn't hold liquids at all and all absorbtion is doen in the intestines, which takes a little longer but GOD DAMN it hits you like a sledghammer when you're not looking. I TOTALLY bugged out this morning all Bipolar-like. I was acting like I just smoked crack all night long or something. It's been a long fucking time since my fingers got all twitchy like that, I dont even know how to explain it. Chaos all around, life was not fun today.

My manic mind keeps bringing up weird shit. Like that madam/stripper in Houston. Out of the blue I'm remembering the time she tried to get me to sleep with 40 guys all at the same time (however that's accomplished...). She promised $200 a guy and $2,000 "just for showing up" but I couldn't pick and choose the guys nor could she promise I'd be safe, they'd wear condoms or that no one would be filming. Maybe if there was one guy I trusted, and that guy had a gun... She tried quite hard to pursuade me. There were other offers like this from her, none of which I engaged in. You have no idea what kind of fucked up shit rich guys want girls to do. Her personal clients didn't even get to have sex with her and she got $1,000 for half an hour. Now that's what I'm talking about. Anyway, bullshit like that is crowding my head.

Why am I always so depressed between Halloween and my birthday? I've mentioned it previously. Years before I would dread this time of year cuz bad shit tends to happen on my birthday. reminders of the fact I wasn't supposed to be born, who knows? I sure wish people that owe me money would pay me back. Even just the $25 a week like they promised.... I don't know why I'm so nice to people. I don't know why I can't just say fuck you to people. I mean, I dont understand why I can be a total cunt sometimes and then sometimes I let people walk all over me. And it always seems to be the important shit that I let people get away with (like letting them get away with my money and my time). I wanna be mean and evil, I really do, I want to share what been shared with me... but somehow things just end up going the other way. I think I absorbed the good twin and we've been at odds ever since.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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