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Again, sorry for the details but I want to remember this.... BEST SEX EVER today, like I got out of the shower, tossed on jeans and a tank and hopped online. It was the best I ever got fucked AND the best I ever fucked somebody (and yes there's a big difference). I really needed some sleep after we fooled around earlier and he got online to play poker. I was laying in bed watching him, and he kept telling me to go to sleep, I didnt get no sleep yesterday, and I had a rough night at work, and I WAS really tired but we hadn't had sex yet so I was laying there watching him, getting ideas... he was still able to play poker, for a while anyway. We were in the leather chair for a while, I was sitting on his lap, facing the same way as he was. It was fucken YUMMY!!!! The more in shape I get, the better sex is, and the crazier shit I can get my body to do! I keep picturing Tyra on the cover of whatever magazine, in the red swimsuit, saying she weighs 161 pounds, I could look like that with a little effort.... ok where was I, oh yeah... after he went all-in with 2 pair and lost, we moved to the bed where I was upside down off the edge, doing like a sort of handstand on the floor, that's the position that really drains him.

Besides the regular "sex cramps" I'm hurting like I joined a gym. My quads feel like I been lifting the stack, my calves keep wanting to charliehorse on me. have you ever fucked someone so hard from some new angle and something odd like the arches of your feet start to ache? THAT'S how good we fucked each other. I was gonna cook a lasagna but he's asleep and I'm joining him instead, giving up on not only lasagna, but my bombass killer give you a heart attack, start a fist fight between two brothers lasagna, now THAT'S good fucken fucking!

Not that it's ALL just amazing sex between Tim and I. He knows what I'm thinking, knows when I'm bullshitting... and he's not afraid to call me on it either. Like how I revert to "oh my knee just hurts" when in reality there's something deeper troubling me... Tim sees through all that. He's sooo good with Cassidy and she loves him a lot. Sometimes I can tell he really misses his own kids by the way he interacts with her. I hope he can see them soon. I know it'll be a while before Cass or I get to meet them, but that's OK.

I get really nervous and paranoid that something bad is going to happen.... Really my homelife is the only positive thing right now, with few prospects of anything better on the horizon. I know it's all temporary but still, when's the car gonna totally fall apart, when will someone seize my taxes/paychecks, when do I find out it's full-blown cancer...?

Anyway, always the pessimist, can't just write a happy entry and leave it happy... I think all the water's boiled outta my pan for lasagna.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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