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Now it wasn't as bad as when I was living in SMALL town Wisconsin and the lady at the grocery store check out lane told me that they still burn witches round them parts, but some of the reactions I got last night to my haircut and what I was wearing were almost as bad. 80% of the reactions were positive, and no one said anything to my face but there were definitely odd looks and giggles, heads shaking in disaproval. And I almost wore one of my corsets! Just wait till I have enough money to replace my fatty wardrobe with shit from the leather and lace store lol! I've said it before, I want to wear thigh high boots with break-neck heels, one of those vinyl skirts (that you gotta polish before you wear) and pasties over my nips just to go grocery shopping at Wegmans. The people in this town are so uptight. I kept asking aquantances "It's more punk than lesbo right?" and last night everyone agreed it was more punk, but today those that I asked said it was pretty much 50-50. My ex-almost-step-brother said I look like a punk rock lesbian satanist, which is pretty damn close to the truth so I guess it's all good. It's great to finally be able to express myself, to wear clothes I WANT to wear and not just cuz they're my size... and I can finally shop at thrift stores n cheap places, instead of expensive fat people places. No offence to big black women, but the clothes I'd find at the fat lady stores in the cities I've lived in have never been flattering to a large frame. I'm already as big as a city bus, do I REALLY need to be wearing leopard spot dresses or lime green pants, c'mon now! Anyway I FELT HOT last night, EVERY head turned as I walked by, and it fucking ROCKED!

This is one of the most recent pics I took before I shaved most of my hair off.

Here's the haircut, RIGHT after I did it.

And here's a different angle

I start the new job tomorrow, we'll see how much they like it. If it's not a big deal then I'll put some not so lesbian red streaks in it or something. Of course my mom was pissed. Just to fuck with her I told her I was going to bleach spots in it. Her and I have been fighting a lot. Things are not going well at all. You know it's bad when you spend more hours being drunk than you do being asleep, for three days in a row, oy. Last night after karaoke I decided that I was too drunk to drive all the way to my cabin, plus it just depresses me being there now. So I got a small chili from Wendy's and was chillin in the truck waiting to sober up more. Then after like 5 minutes I thought "Well shit, while I'm waiting I might as well have a drink" and I went over to this other bar and drank some more. I didnt go to my cabin but back to my mom's, who was still awake when I got here at 3am. I getting way better at being drunk in heels, unlike Valentine's day when Tim and I had a $70 bar tab and I broke my chin (It still hurts when I poke it, and I can feel that it's uneven, when future archeologists dig up my skull they'll be like "ahh this one must not have been able to drink in heels").

Jason stood me up at karaoke but that's OK cuz I really didnt want him to go. I got in major quality time with Shawn, a fella I been eyeing recently. He's an EMT, also in school finishing his degree, and he just had to move back in with his `rents and feels like a douche about it like me. We talked on and off through the night. I borrowed his disks cuz he has jane's addiction and the karaoke books dont. I did Jane Says for the first time and rocked, as usual. Not tooting my own horn but I can pretty much sound good on any song, maybe not country but only cuz I wouldnt know it, although I kick ass on that Carrie Underwood Next Time He Cheats song. I used to go to contests where you just open the song books & randomly point to a song and that's what you sang for the contest, you got two or three songs and they voted on who did best overall. Anyway I was talking about Shawn... I think he was getting flirty towards the end of the night, he mentioned having a van when I was making fun of both of us living with our parents. It was interesting cuz right after he said for me not to feel bad about having to move back home cuz he just had to do the same thing, the first thing I thought was "well where the hell are we gonna fuck?" (I swear I have a man's brain!) and as soon as I thought he said something about having a van. It wasnt anything obtuse like "we can fuck in my van" it was just a coincidence that I had been thinking about that, unless he was thinking about that too.... Anyway he mentioned a few times how nice I looked, and laughed like hell when I asked him if it was too butch. i told him I was tired of being hit on by white trash rednecks and was looking for a higher quality man, to which he responded "Is that so??" or "You don't say" something along those lines. I asked him if he usually goes to karaoke at the bar across from my mom's house and he said not usually but that he'd been thinking of going more often. When he was leaving (or maybe I left first???) he leaned in close and said that he'd see me Wednesday at the Timbercreek (the bar across the street from my mom's). Sweet. If he rides his bike that night I'm going to hint at getting a ride. Usually people dont carry extra helmets on their Harleys so I'll prolly just say to him to next time bring an extra helmet. This is the first guy in a long time that I've felt nervous around, and felt like it matters whether or not I talk to them.

OK SLEEP, for the love of all things dirty and evil I MUST sleep tonight. My arm and shoulder are all fucked up again, the nubness is starting from the fingertips, slowly going back, and my shoulder is swollen and very sore. THIS IS THE LAST TIME I MOVE BY MYSELF, I'll set fire to EVERYTHING next time, it's god damned ridiculous. There were 7 adults at my mom's house when I got back with the truck and NOT ONE helped me unload it. I still have a truckload of Cassidy's stuff and trash to get out of there, including her changing table, two boxsprings and two mattresses -all queen sized. A lot of cleaning and repairing of baby-daddy-falling-down-drunk holes in walls etc next weekend. UGH does it ever end? Why can't I just live in a cave and make furniture out of boulders? Oh yeah, no internet lol.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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