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It's a woman's perogotive to change their mind, right? Well in the last couple of days I've changed mine. About a lot of things.

Thursday night I got out of work and checked my phone. Geoff had sent a text saying they wouldn't let him back into rehab. I sent him one back asking where he was but got no response. I was just getting to check voice mails cuz Scott had called, and while I was punching in the vmail #s Scott called again. He told me about all the dumb shit I'd done the night before when I went over to the Timbercreek with $4 but STILL managed to drink myself sick. He tells me that around 10:15 I call him VERY DRUNK and ask him if it's OK if another guy walks me home. I didnt remember this at all. I also cant figure out who walked me home. Scott said he was worried about me cuz he said I told him I'd call when I got home, which I didnt do, and he said he tried to call me but I didnt answer. My phone was dying on me, one bar left, and I needed to call my gramma to see if she could help me cash my paycheck so I told him I'd call him back. I didnt end up calling him until Saturday afternoon.

I ran into Nips outside the Pick, asked if Geoff was at the apartment (they're all crashing with a cool chick named Mo). I went over there to see what was up with him not being in rehab. We talked, decided to walk over to my grammas. She couldnt help me cash the check but she did give me some cash. Geoff was drinking again so I got him some smokes & beer and we went on the hunt to find SOME PLACE that would cash my paycheck. We got lots of drinks on credit at various bars, which I eventually paid off when I finally got the check cashed the next day. Geoff and I got totally sauced and I crashed on Mo's couch with him. That was Thursday night. I had intentions of going to work the next morning but I was still drunk when the alarm went off so I just went back to sleep, not bothering to call in because I knew I'd be fired if I did call in. Friday we started drinking about 3pm. Mo gave us a ride (well she let me drive her car, and man do I miss driving!) to Manchester so heather could cash the check at her gas station. Then we all went out drinking again. Geoff and I ended up crashing at Mo's, only this time stealing Nip's bed seeing that he's never home cuz he owes Mo two weeks rent money etc. We tried to fuck but G was DONE. He's the master of the half staff.... I was horny cuz I had been flirting and dancing with this hot girl all night, hot like Brittney the under-age honey pot that I committed many felonies with, and her man (sexy painter who owns a gallery in CDGA) wanted me to come home with them, which almost happened, but he got too drunk. I had one drunk man already and the girl was like I'm gonna be sleeping on the couch or I'd invite you over to just have you to myself.... G was quite jealous when the other guy put his hands up my shirt TWICE on the dance floor. I shoved his hands away and stopped dancing with him. Words were said by Geoff and punches were thrown but as both of them were beyond drunk, the only things that made contact were their asses with the flower bed. I CARRIED Geoff home. He was quite the asshole all night but it got worse when we were alone. I should never have given him a second chance and should have kept the nice memory of him in my mind. But I did learn that it wasnt me that fucked things up last time round, and that no matter what I woulda done, I still woulda ended up with the short end of the stick.

Saturday morning G was supposed to get up and start a painting job with Justin Legault. I woke him up when he said to but he was cussing at me and swung once so I said fuggettaboutit and went back to sleep. So back to back, he and I blew jobs. Not good. We started drinking at 10 am. remember that I dont drink beer, and that at bars I only drink whiskey... and we ate VERRRRRRRY little the whole time. Saturday afternoon I'm thinking it might be a good idea to get hoem somehow and call Scott to see if he would come see me. Best decision I've made in a long fucking time.

Mo drove me out here again and I changed my clothes, and shoes (oy was dancing in heels with the hot grrl for 2 hours friday night, then wearing Mo's 2 sizes too small doc martens saturday morning, it's Monday now and my feet still hurt!). Friday when we came to town to cash the check I had plugged my phone in and left behind my purse and other shit I didnt need. I grabbed my cell and called Scott on the way back to Canandaigua. I left a voicemail saying I hoped he wasnt too worried or mad at me and that I hoped he could come out n visit me tonight. So about a half hour later he called me back and we made arrangements to meet. He got dropped off with me in front of the courthouse and we went to Fuul to hang out with Geoff, Johnny and Mo. He was very worried about me, specially when I told him that I had been drinking whiskey pretty much straight through the last 48 hours. We talked quite a bit at various bars, ended up at the Pick last, where Gary and Erin met us. Their friend had killed themself the night before, I gave Erin many many hugs before they went over to the Yard for more liquid soul relief. Scott and I talked deep for a while then the plan was for his daughter and her bf to pick us up and drop me off at home before they all went back the boyfriend's brother's apartment. The boyfriend picked us up and said that they were going back to Attica instead, and Scott asked if I would come over to his place. They could bring me back Sunday night or early Monday morning so I went with them.

I finally got a shower once we got to Scott's place. It was the first of many, I think I took 4 the whole time I was there. Scott was very polite "Are you hungry, thirsty, can I get you a soda, milk, water, snacks etc" He kept being like that, I find it cute. I told him all I wanted was a shower and a bed. After the shower I crawled into bed fully dressed, and he's on his hospitality trip again "Can I get you some pajamas or shorts or sweat pants or anything" he's like the kid in Bad Santa always offering to fix some sandwiches.... I said no thank you and he said something like "well I just wanted to be nice, you dont have to sleep in your jeans" and I replied "who says I was gonna sleep with my jeans on..." to which he replied "ok... wait... OH!" It was pretty cute. I am so totally in love with him by the way but we'll get to that. I'm half falling asleep but would like to get this finished....

He and I click on so many levels. This is a lot for me to say but... Lon may have been my first love but Scott is my soul mate. He and I go together like Janet and I do. He's gonna be the one who helps me become who I want to become, soften me up, turn off the machine. I'm quite scared. But VERY VERY optimistic and hopeful. I see a good future with Scott.

meanwhile heather just walked in saying while her and my mom were in canandaigua having pizza they passed Geoff who was being escorted out of Fuul, very very very drunk at 8pm. not gonna miss being like that.

It would torture me to talk about how good making love with Scott is. He's a romantic and refers to it as making love, at one point I said "ok enough of the love making, FUCK ME!" he had been going easy on me the whole time because of his size (all I'm gonna say is WORD!), cuz when I finally saw it I said "aw shit" and "you got to be kidding" so I guess he realized that I'd never had anything like that before. Even after I said the "fuck me" bit he was still holding back. We spent 2 days talking, fucking and watching ww2 shit on dvd and the history channel. We are totally compatible. I tried to look for negatives about him and all I found was that he snores sometimes.

Im falling asleep and will finish this later.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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